What Emotion Do You Have Now Because You Were One Of Jehovah's Witnesses?

by minimus 56 Replies latest jw friends

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  Little Drummer Boy

  There are times when I am filled with rage and sorrow when I think of the useless suffering and horrible treatment that some dubs go/went through (Malawi comes to mind). I don't get all that mad about many of the issues that some do (such as doctrinal crap). To me, as far as doctrine goes, who cares? All smoke and mirrors no matter what church you go to

  I do get sad about wasting all of my young adult life. I get sad that when my Dad(not a jw) lay dying in a hospital (I knew he was there that day just not how bad off), instead of spending the day with him, I went to the bookstudy and got to the hospital literally just in time to see him yanked out of his room on the cart gasping for his last breath dying while they wheeled him off to the room with all off the resucitation gear. I never got to say goodbye. Just for a stupid ass meeting at the kingdumb hall.

  I'm sad that I had to give up being a drummer in a band to be a dub, and now that I have nerve damage in my hands from factory work, I can't play anymore. I used to be pretty damn good at it too. It sucks that I threw out all of my music CDs one day to please the borg. A whole arm load of CDs that I can never get back. I miss my music so much.

  There are other things that I wish I hadn't thrown out; some very valuable and irreplaceable. That makes me mad.

  But, I'm trying to move on emotionally, and actually I am happier and more content now that I am out than I ever was in the borg (unless you count the love-bombing time period that went on right before being dunked).

  I am free. Every day that goes by I realize it more and more. I can do anything that I want to. Anything. It is my choice what I will do, not someone elses. I myself will choose how I will conduct my life and how I will treat others. I will decide the direction of my life. Freedom. My wife and our son can chart the course of our family in the best way for us. I look forward to the smiles and warmth at Christmas. I look forward to making my son feel special on his birthday. I look forward to him actually having a future where he has choices. His freedom.
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  Sailor Ripley

  Sheer Joy! ...that I ain't under that mind-controlling crap any longer.
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  OUTLAW

  Outrage,anger,betrayel..How many of us still have family in that cult?..It still affects our lives...OUTLAW
• 

  purplesofa

  OTWO

  purplesofa,

  Some individuals don't forget you and leave you alone, because deep down, the individuals care
  about your welfare. They are victims, just like you were. They pity you for falling for Satan's
  snares, you pity them for falling for WTS snares.

  I really do love the brothers and sisters. That is the hardest part about this. As my family is not in......well, my mom is and honestly .....she probably needs to be there right now.

  When the witnesses first came to my door and we talked about the bible, I bought it hook, line and sinker. What they said made perfect common sense to me. We talked for an hour and I agreed to a bible study. I then asked "What religion are you?" Jehovahs Witness.

  I said, "you could have told me any relgion but Jehovahs Witness." I thought they were lunitics and nuts. But I studied anyway. I made alot of loving people that helped me and really continue to do so. I loved people at the core of who they were, not how "spiritual" they presented themselves to be.

  I truely wish I could take the good things I learned and move on or away and not lose friends. That is the emotional turmoil for me.

  purps
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  OnTheWayOut

  I truely wish I could take the good things I learned and move on or away and not lose friends.

  You can take much good with you. You can send some of the dearest friends a card or letter. You won't get an answer, but you can imagine the good it will do. True friends will read it. It may heal them some. It may help them some. It will certainly help you.
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  OnTheWayOut

  If you do send a letter, don't put your name or address on the outside. They might "return to sender" unopened.

  Better they have to open it to know who sent it.
• 

  stevenyc

  I'm typing on a MacBook Pro. So I have NO emotions !!!!!!!
  steve
• 

  TheCoolerKing

  The funny thing is that I felt guilty for years after leaving the JWs. I had been born and raised into it. That was all that I knew. They had deeply ingrained their teachings and philosophies into me. I left on my own in my early 20s, due mostly to the icy cold way I was treated within my congregation, all because I had decided to go to college. The elders were furious with me. How could I even consider a secular education? There was so much more that I should be doing, like knocking on strangers doors and preaching for 200 hours a month!

  Once I left the JWs my guilt continued for years. A few times I actually considered attending a local Kingdom Hall. But for some reason I just couldnt do it and I never went back. Still that awful guilt remained and I was actually suicidal when I reached my 30s. I had turned my back on "God's only TRUE organization" and now I was doomed. How could I ever have God's approval again?

  Then someone mentioned a book that was written by an ex-JW, one that had been a member of the governing body. Once I read "Crisis of Conscience" my eyes were opened to the REAL truths of the Watchtower Society. I eagerly sought out other info from books and the web. Eventually my guilt turned to frustration and anger. You mean these were the people that I had felt so guilty about leaving? I felt as if they had stolen my childhood and filled me with years of unnecessary pain and anxiety.

  Although at times now I still get angry at the Watchtower Society, I'm just thankful that I left when I did and that I finally found "The Truth" outside "The Organization".
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  greendawn

  I left long ago so I have none except that I am surprised at how naive I was to accept so uncritically their ideas that were in fact so false or distorted. I suppose at the time I was eager to join a group that had some spiritual culture which they appeared to have.
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  BabaYaga

  One of continuing concern for those left in... and also of concern that they might at any point "turn" on me and break my heart... so I guess that's a bit of paranoia, too.
  
  The interesting thing is that when I had an incredible conversation with a loved one who no longer walks the walk but still professes to think it is the TEEruth, he told me that I had many bad situations arise, (which he does not blame on the WT, but on "individuals", wth????) and that I was such a sensitive person that it hurt me too much to face it. In other words, he was telling me I was the one in denial. So I asked him point blank, "Are you saying that my empathy comes from Lucifer?"
  
  Anyhoo.
  
  LOL at SteveNYC. hahahahaha.
  
  And WELCOME, COOLERKING!!! We're glad you're here.