I don't know where to begin to say what is all bottled up inside me. I may need to be on another forum, but I have come to respect the posts and input of so many here, and trust.....so It may be jumbled, and may take starting a few topics to fully get it out.
I have already posted about my youngest brother committing suicide. I have another brother also.
My mother divorced my father I am guessing when I was five or six. I never saw my father again until I was 11, and then never again after that. He did try to contact me once as he was dying and wanted to leave his kids (three) something. Apparently he owned three businesses in Kansas City....not sure if it is Missouri or Kansas. My mother would not let him know where we were so consequently, I never got to see him again, After all this time I am assuming he is dead. My siblings and I have tried to find him through the years but have been unsuccessful.
My mother remarried and had a child(brother that committed suicide) Her husband adopted my other brother and raised him. This man also committed suicide. So the father and his son both committed suicide. The living brother had more of a desire to find his real father.
I am not sure how it all came about, but in a heated angry outburst my mother fineally told my brother that even his father that all these years we thought was his real father is in fact not his father at all. He has a father different than me and my sister.
So my brother .....had a man that adopted him, looked for a father that was not his father afterall, and now finds out a whole different story. He is destroyed. She will not tell him anything. How it happened, who he is, is he alive, does he even know about him. She did tell my brother his name. We do not know if my real father knows that my brother is not his either.
I remember when my brother was born and my real father was there at the hospitol with my mother.
In the year 2000 my mother was baptised a JW. I know for myself, before I was baptised, I wrote letters apologizing for past behaviour and did like a confession thing to have a clean conscience before God. I suppose not everyone does this.
But when confronted about this my mother has been tightlipped and angry that my brother cannot forgive and FORGET. Although, she has never apologized to anyone that I know of ever.
My mother is a full time pioneer and the congregation she is in, thinks she is just wonderful. She goes out and preaches to help people and leaves her own son living in confusion and misery. He is getting counselling, as our brothers suicide really put him over the edge. (I will tell this whole story another time.)
It all just makes me very sick. I find that people in the organization that refuse to deal with family matters because they have labeled thier relatives as worldy is the by far the cruelest thing. My mother will tell my brother he needs to get right with God, He drinks and she holds that against him. And all I can think of is......I would be drinking to if I had all this on my shoulders.
Thanks for letting me get this out. It is a relief for me. It is difficult to talk to anyone here about this ......as I have distanced myself from the witnesses and would not want to tell new friends a wacked out story like this.
peace and love,
purps