Gotta get this out today. (page 3)

skyking

I thought my wife's family was screwed up. Yours has to be the most dysfunctional I have ever heard of. But it does sound a lot like my wife's family. Her mom had many affairs and kids came from this affairs. The kids never knew they were not from the dad they grew up with. Now the kids have found out they have step brothers and sister they never knew and have been trying to find the dads and family they never knew.

Have some consolation there are other family like yours out in the cold world. like your mom everyone thinks my wife's mom is a good JW. Boy does she have them fooled. I hope you have someone in your life like myself, that truly loves you, and with just a look you know they love you. This is what I do for my wife I love her and listen to her when all of this gets her down.

I hope you can find forgiveness for your mom. My wife truly forgives her mom, but some of her brother and sisters do not forgive, but hate HER, this makes for a very dysfunctional family unit.

You are getting a big huge from me. Chin up here I come with my arms open and a warm heart that cares.

Thanks I needed that.

jaguarbass

I am not settled with not having answers to two suicides and I will post that later. There is something very deadly in a family that has people that kill themselves to get relief from their problems.

I can tell you this from my work experience. I am a detention officer, I take care of inmates in jail. When one commits suicide 2 or 3 more follow or try to follow. What I am saying is that it is kind of mentally contagious. People copy others behaviors. So, I guess you are right about something deadly in a family with suicide. People that survive can do so without support or with support. If your brother needs support and he wants to survive, he will have to get it. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. If you are going to support him, he might still need professional help. Here in Florida the only thing a loved one or bystander can do to force one to get professional help is if they are acting in a way that would be injurious to themselves they call law enforcement and ask to have the person baker acted then that person is taken to a secure enviroment for 24 hours and observed. So I guess a person has got to want to live over the long hall. So the challenge to anybody who wants to keep another alive would be to convince them that life is worth while. Convince them that life is worthwhille in the long hall and encourage them to get help with their short term problems, or help them with their short term problems.

Good luck

joanne_

Purps, I am so sorry that you are going through all this. Like the others said, your mom is in denial. Please reach out for help like jnat suggested and pray lots for the answers. I admire you that you are trying to find a way to help your family. Stay strong and just do your best.

luv joanne

purplesofa

Thanks everyone,.

OUTLAW......thanks.

joanne, skyking, gretchen,

Thanks to you all for your nice comments. I do realize how far I have come in my growth coming away from my mothers cruelty. I was able to get away.

Secrets can destroy a family. I now wonder if my stepdad knows that my brother is really my half brother? If she passed that secret along to him?

purps

becca1

Dear Purps: I wish I knew you personally and could give you a hug. You are carrying much to big a burden for one person. Have you considered going to counseling with your brother? What about a friend? You need areal sholder to cry on.

As for your mom, what she has done is cruel. If her elders have any sense they would counsel her to be fair to your brother. I don't think this issue is the fault of the cong. The probably have no idea how she behaves with her family. She definitly needs some professional help.

PM me anytime if you want to chat. I really feel for you.

Take care.

Skimmer

Here's a link that will help with a free search of the US Social Security Death Index:

http://ssdi.genealogy.rootsweb.com/cgi-bin/ssdi.cgi

It may be helpful for locating lost friends and family who have passed away.

purplesofa

Skimmer,

Thanks. I searched his name and date of birth.....thats all I have and came up with nothing. Maybe he is still alive.

All I have is his date of birth, place of birth, and his name.

purps

edited to add: OMgosh.......I found his name in Kansas City, same age ....not sure of this guys DOB. But they are the same age, from the same city.

I was not thinking of this when I posted this thread , but this could lead to me finding him myself for myself!!!

juni

Purps said:

I am sure there is alot of hurt, shame, guilt that my mother is feeling

Could be, but she had and has the responsibility to be honest with her children. She owes that to her kids. No matter how old our children are we are forever their parent. They deserve our love and concern and if that means we have to be uncomfortable bringing up the past so be it.

These were her decisions in life with these men. Sounds like she wants to sweep it all under the rug and forget it ever happened and be "righteous" according to JW standards.

That is a big cop out on her part Purps. You've gone on w/your life and raising your family and working to provide for your family. You are a survivor despite her. I remember when you told us about your brother's suicide. And now your other brother is so sad and cannot find closure. He has turned to drinking. You would think that that would make her aware of her responsibility to help him.

It's time that she comes clean. I just cannot relate to what she is doing by being so cold and unfeeling towards her children. I hope you can help your brother. My heart goes out to you.

Hugs with love,

Juni

LeslieV

hmmmm are you really sure she even knows the truth??? You are talking alot of years ago, way before paternity testing. If indeed your step-father adopted him wouldn't he have known the truth. Remember you can not leagally adopt anyone unless both biological parents sign their rights away. Did your father sign his rights to your step-father? If he did he would have also signed about your brother. I would suggest you siblings take a DNA test to see if you are all from the same parents. Call planned parenthood, and find our where you could do a DNA test. Not sure of the cost, but at least you would find out some answers.

I am sorry this has happaned to your family. Your mother is very heartless to say this, and not give your brother any information.

Leslie

Gotta get this out today.

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