Gotta get this out today. (page 2)

jaguarbass

In the year 2000 my mother was baptised a JW. I know for myself, before I was baptised, I wrote letters apologizing for past behaviour and did like a confession thing to have a clean conscience before God. I suppose not everyone does this.

This sounds like a step in the 12 step recovery program, thats a good thing. I dont remember the Jw's teaching that.

What I think about this is: anyone who is religious in a biblical sense ultimately is a hypocryte. No one can practice what they preach. If you dont want to be a hypocyte dont preach. But that is something that humans do to fill their time on this pleasure planet. So your mothers hobby is preaching and that upsets you. That is understandable. If your an adult at the end of your fourth decade on this planet and you want peace you probably have to just let your mother do her thing and not think about it. Maybe you have to disengae or get away from your mother. You cant change her and what she does bothers you. Its understandable that what she does bothers you, but you cant do anything about it. So your options for peace or serenity are accept it, change it, or flee.

Once a child is over 18 parenting is finished by many people. I dont know if thats right or wrong but it is what I have observed. Many people dont even get 18 years worth of parenting. Your mother is the way she is. She is an adult apparently at leat 60 years old. You cant control her.

When your mother tells your brother he has to get right with God. You could translate that to. "Your an adult you have a problem, deal with it. I'm living my life, now doing my thing. I'm 60+ years old and if I like knocking on doors disturbing the neighbors that's my business." Maybe shes also saying I dont have the answers for you. Dont rain on my parade.

hambeak

OMG purplesofa I am so close to tears reading your story, my heart, thoughts and prayers truly go out to you!

Have you or your brother tried people search? for a fee you can find almost anyone. If you can at least get some names and maybe a SSN it makes it that much easier. That is how I found out about my mom. Good luck and thanks for sharing you are LOVED!

jgnat

It opens up a whole lot of old wounds never dealt with.

It might help for a while to concentrate on surrounding yourself with good people, and shelve your mother and her past cruelties.

Edited to add: In other words, YOU might have to divorce HER.

Black Sheep

It may be tough at the time Purps, but people do get over it.

Your story may seem a bit whacko to you, but your family is not the only one that weird things has happened to. Bryan is a survivor of a similar kind of story. http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/100240/1.ashx

Be strong for us and your brother.

We care about you.

Cheers

Chris

purplesofa

I really do not care what my mother does with her time. I have gone for years and stayed away from her. It is healthier for me. I realized long ago, that she is my mother, I love her, but I don't like alot of things she does.

My concern is for my brother. I know the years I was in tumoil of not knowing my father. Trying to find answers and find some indenity for myself. I have learned to let things go, that I cannot fix. I have gone through a divorce, raised my kids, worked, kept a house......I take responsiblity for my life now.

My childhood family problems are not at the magnitude of my brothers. He is stuck and stagnant. He is about to the decision he will have to move on without ever knowing the story about his real father. Every child has that right.

As far as my mom having pioneering as a hobby, I find it difficult to preach the truth and not be willing to let the real truth work in your life. If we truely believe that knowing the truth is better and that it will set you free, then I think you should test that out. She will never know about real forgiveness or what a wonderful gift she might give to someone(her son) in saving HIS life.

Like I said, I have accepted the way things are..........in this particular situation.

I am not settled with not having answers to two suicides and I will post that later. There is something very deadly in a family that has people that kill themselves to get relief from their problems.

purps

Frannie Banannie

Awwwwww, (((((((Purps))))))))!

That is just so sad. She should somehow be brought before the elders to explain why she's being so mean. I cannot understand people like that at all.

I wish there were something profound I could think of to say to comfort you, but I'm at a loss for words, Purps.

Hugs,

Frannie

crazyblondeb

Purps-

I'm so glad you were able to get that off your shoulders. I know what a terrible burden that is/was. I know how bad you and your brother hurt. He needs, and deserves answers. Actually you all do. Is there any family that can help?

Everyone had good advice. I don't see how I can add to it. I found out when i was in 5th grade, that my "dad" wasn't my real dad. After my parents married, and I was adopted when I was 3 or 4, they left the state and moved. After I figured out that they were married AFTER I was born they told the truth. They didn't want my real dad to find me. They painted a horrible picture of him. Years later I finally met him. They lied. After I met him once, they (stepdad and elders) decided I couldn't visit with him anymore, since he wasn't a JW. Finally in high school I was able to sneak around and meet him secretly several times. When I snapped, after years of being molested and years of elder's meetings, I ran away and went to texas to live with him.

During those years, I also drank and drugged alot. It has taken many years and alot of couseling to get over that. 12 step program has helped alot. I pray you and your brother can heal. My mom is also a bitch. I just have to tune her out.

Do you still have my number? Call me ANYTIME!! We are all here for you, and your family!!

shelley

restrangled

(((((Purplesofa)))) I am so glad you were able to post what you did and know that many here including myself feel very bad about what you are going through.

I just wanted to share a story with you....somewhat similar to yours. My father was the first born and his mother always told him his father died in the war. No other details. He had a different last name from his 2 other brothers, although they never knew who there father was either. The last child a sister had another last name, but she knew who her father was (my grandmother had answered an ad in the newspaper for a wife) Married the man and he cruely beat my father until he got big enough to threaten him back at age 18.

My grandmother was 16 when she had my father and became a JW after the other 2 boys were born.

Through all those years she was never honest with her boys and they would learn strange little bits and pieces but were never able to put it all together. She lied constantly about it and would get very nasty.....keep in mind a JW.

Fast forward to my Father's age of about 40. We took a trip to the state where he was born and visited the town. Turns out everyone there new my dad's story......His father had been alive all those years but was in jail. He had died just one year previous to our visit hanging himself in his cell. My father always had bouts of severe depression, and sometimes talked of suicide. He was finally diagnosed with manic depression at age 50.

Going back to that visit, it turns out he had another 2 half brothers by his father. When they met, the 3 together looked like identical triplets. It was bitter sweet revelation to all.

Anyway my point being every person deserves to know their heritage which includes medical history. I hope your family gets answers....it is your right, and your mother should quit trying to hide behind the WBTS to ease her conscience like my grandmother did.

Thanks for your post and I will look for your continued story.

R.

OUTLAW

You need a hug girl..((Purps))...OUTLAW

Gretchen956

((((Purps))))) I'm so sorry to read the mess this woman has made of the lives of her children. As parents we all make mistakes, but when parents take a route that sets out to hurt and deceive, its pathetic, cruel, selfish, and masochistic. My parents were abusive, there were no secrets such as you described, but abuse can be physical and/or mentally inflicted. The absolutely best thing that ever happened to me was when they decided to shun me. I'm not sure of your status with your mom, its worth thinking about. But if her religion filled with fear and guilt can't make her change, I doubt there is anything you can say that will make her see the light.

I'm sorry for your brother's pain and happy he has a sister such as yourself that can be there for him. I know how much you want to ease that pain for him somehow, but realize that you cannot heal him or control him or fix him. Did I read that he is getting therapy? That would be the absolute best thing. And your unconditional love and support is never wasted. I think one of the hardest things we ever have to do in life is watch a loved one in pain and not be able to help them to ease it.

Blessings, Purps, this is a heavy load. I hope you have some emotional support as well. Glad you shared with us, it does help.

You'll be in my prayers.

Sherry

Gotta get this out today.

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