Never Ending Jokes - Part II

by waiting 37 Replies latest social humour

• 

  Sirona

  Joe the mechanic decided to hold a challenge for his three so called clever doctor friends (a gynaechologist, a GP and a psychiatrist) who kept telling him he was stupid.

  They had to learn how to take apart a car engine and put it back together again.

  They all laboured for hours and finally completed the task.

  Joe explained "GP scores 50%" - good but not quite right
  "Psychiatrist scores 100% - excellent job!"
  "Gynaechologist scores 150% superb!"

  The Psychiatrist interjects "hang on, you cant give a score of 150%! thats not fair!"

  Joe smiles. "I gave an extra 50% for the fact that he did it all through the exhaust pipe"
• 

  Abaddon

  Yadirf, You Know, & Rex... !!!

  Well, they make me laugh!!!

  People living in glass paradigms shouldn't throw stones...
• 

  Caole

  Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day, were led down to the room in which they would their maker. The priest had given them last rites, the formal speech had been given by the warden, and a final prayer had been said among the participants. The warden, turning to the first man, solemnly asked, "Son, do you have a last request?"
  
  To which the man replied, "Yes sir, I do. I love dance music. Could you please play the Macarena for me one last time?"
  
  "Certainly," replied the warden. He turned to the other man and asked, "Well, what about you, son? What is your final request?"
  
  "Please," said the condemned man, "kill me first."
• 

  Caole

  A man was giving a speech at his lodge meeting. He got a bit carried away and talked for two hours. Finally, he realized what he had done and said, "I'm sorry I talked so long. I left my watch at home." A voice from the back of the room replied, "There's a calendar behind you..."
• 

  Caole

  The Top 13 New Religions for the 21st Century
  
  13 The Cult of Saint Pamela, "Our Lady of the Anatomical enhancements"
  12 X-TREME RELIGION!!!
  11 The Holy Lillith Church of the Minor-Keyed Female Vocalist
  10 Joe-piscopal
  9 Star Trek - The Next Denomination
  8 Leonardo DiCatholic
  7 Branch Hansonians
  6 Church of the Everlasting Independent Counsel
  5 Microsoft Second Coming 99 beta 4
  4 Two words: Jesus Spice
  3 Harry Caray-Ishna
  2 Crystal Methodist
  1 Hey Judaism
• 

  Caole

  A rabbi and a priest get into a car accident and it's a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of the clerics is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest's collar and says, "So you're a priest. I'm a rabbi. Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God. God must have meant that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days." The priest replies, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God."

  The rabbi continues, "And look at this. Here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of Mogen David wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then he hands the bottle to the priest. The priest agrees, takes a few big swigs, and hands the bottle back to the rabbi. The rabbi takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap on, and hands it back to the priest. The priest asks, "Aren't you having any?" The rabbi replies, "No...I think I'll wait for the police."
• 

  Caole

  This guy is walking through ChinaTown. He is fascinated with all the Chinese Restaurants, the Chinese shops, the Chinese signs and banners on the buildings. He is having the best time just walking and looking. He turns a corner and sees a building with a sign, "Hans Olafsen's Laundry".
  
  "Hans Olaffsen?", he thinks. "How in the world does that fit in here?"
  
  So, he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman sitting in the corner.
  
  The visitor asks, "How in the world did this place get a name like Hans Olaffsen's Laundry?"

  The old man answers, "Is name of owner."
  
  The visitor asks, "Well, who in the heck is the owner?"
  
  "I am he," answers the old man.
  
  "You? How in the heck did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?"
  
  The old man replies, "Many years ago when I come to this country, I was standing in line at Documentation Center. Man in front of me was big blonde Swede. Lady look at him and go 'What your name?' He say 'Hans Olaffsen.' She look at me...'What your name?' I say Sam Ting."
• 

  Caole

  Two hillbillies approach each other on a country road. One is carrying a sack over his shoulder.

  "Hey, Billy Bob," calls out to the other, "What you got in that sack?"
  
  "Some chickens."
  
  "If I guess how many chickens you got, will you give me one of them?"
  
  "Heck, Joe Bob, if you guess how many chickens I got in the sack, I'll give you *both* of them."
  
  "Okay. Er... Five?"