by nonamegiven 61 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
WELCOME NoNameGiven
You will get through this, one way that might help is if you research the early history of the Organisation. This will give you the strength to carry on, and to see them for what they really are.
If anything good can come from their UNCHRISTIAN behaviour, it is that your wife will see how badly they are treating you.
Kaytee
I agree with the statement that Restrangled made, and the problem is, its nearly always one to two years before you are "accepted" back. We humans may be classed as imperfect but elders as well as many so called friends, appear to have perfect memories - as a consequence it would be hard-going to be fully accepted back .
Kaytee
Oh yeah, I've been there. I got pretty arrogant towards the end. I was in a brand-new congregation so the first few weeks were about people approaching me and I would smile and tell them 'I'm disfellowshipped' and smile and nod as they reacted with shock, sneered, judged, and distanced themselves. I got used to arriving just as the song was announced, and I'd pack up during the closing song and walk out at 'amen', although once a month I'd have to wait around while the magazine guys decided that I've sat long enough and they'll bring my mags over (I'd sit in the back row composing phone text haiku to friends about the meeting, so at least I had the ability to ignore all of them too). One bro there treated me with no visible contempt, but to everybody else I was vile or invisible. I lasted six months and then one night I drove there, parked, sighed, sat for a few seconds, and drove home. It took a few months to admit to myself that that was the end of my campaign to get my family back, and I can't pretend I'm happy about that really, but, well that's another story.
Can I suggest another approach while you're waiting for this one to work? As you know, you have to sit and endure the punishment until The Man decides that you've done enough. It's just a matter of time and your capacity to work through it. I'd like you to focus on something else while this time passes, and that is the way that this affects your wife. You know what sort of puke she's told, and all the fawning that she gets from the weiners who are so horrid to you... do you have the capacity to play it for longer? Are you able to play a game in which to her it looks like you're doing everything that you can, but it's not working because of the insane injustice of the system? Can you be the one giving her the support and being her Man, fighting for the family, up against these outrageous odds? Can you string it along like that?
It's just a suggestion; but sooner or later you're going to have to play some kind of game to successfully fade. You might as well start now hey.
I also don't want my kids to pay the price for my situation.
Now that's the hard part
Currently your children are becoming groomed for something your telling yourself is essentially harmless - yet this potentially harmless teaching is moulding them to be, lets just say, less than nice - or beyond attaining normal human capacity such as you yourself have described your wife.
It's a difficult and tender decision making process - if it were myself I would probably bring it to a head - t he older one will be already be starting to take in the "loving spirit" and my presumption is that it will only get progressively more difficult to instill 'thinking' as any sort of virtue. However it is easy for me to say, as I'm not clouded by anything they put forward - I simply have contempt for the wickedness and deal with it on that level - I was never a jw, but see attitude more like Garybuss', not believing a single word, and not pretending like they're somehow ok, just a bit "imperfect" - it's not ok - They're not ok.
Dear Noname,
I am so sorry you are going through this. Hang in there. At least you know that you have many friends here who truely care about you!
Sincerely,
Lady Liberty
I walked that walk for nine months (first time offense- i guess they went easy on me) I think your situation is harder because I was in high school and you have kids. But as another poster eloquently said - Same %&$*, different pile. It's BS. Just wait til they all line up to hug you. You will want to vomit at their robot insincerity, and you just might see how truly jacked up it is. I actually grew to like being DF'd because I didn't really like having to talk to those people (this took some distance and time to realize). But it's really hard when they were so nice to you before and hugged you and let you play with their kids. There is a kind of kick in the gut when you realize these friends of yours are actually willing to do that to you. It's hard to take. Also, I tried to fade a couple years after that and they hounded me until I met with them. Big mistake - stay away from committee meetings or judicial whatevers because they will make it so your kids won't be able to talk to you if you and your wife split up, for the rest of your life. whenever you feel bummed, give us a post, because a lot of us have been there and will make you feel not so alone...you already get enough of that right now. I don't know where my emoticons are, but if I could, I'd give you some eye contact, a smile, a hug and a beer.
It is mind controlling, heart-breaking, un-Christlike BULL.
I'm sorry you are subjecting yourself to this.
Remember it might take YEARS to get reinstated. How many walks are you willing to do? And as has already been stated, fading is no sure thing... you may be right back where you started.
Be careful what you are teaching your children about what is okay to receive AND deal out as acceptable behavior.
Strength to you.
Baba.
I feel for you and that's just awful. It's a horrible thing to be treated like that. But it's a good reminder that they are not the "loving, caring" people they pretend to be. If it's any consolation there are alot of people who understand what your going through. It sucks and I'm sorry you have to deal with that.
My wife is devout too. I am not d/f'd , just technically inactive. The elders take no interest in either of us. You are a hero for attending and helping with the children in the way that you do.
It is easy for posters who are unattatched to say "Screw 'em" , "just walk away", but life is not like that . Keep doing what you know is right, regain your "freeness of speech" with family , then live life as you want
Dear Nonamegiven,
Condolences and sympathy. So many of us are where you are now or soon will be. Among my friends and family (dubs and non-dubs), there are individuals who show compassion and empathy regardless of what others think or do. A recent post saluting "radical" elders piqued my interest and moved me to quote a story from IN SEARCH OF CHRISTIAN FREEDOM, by Ray Franz, pp.404, 405. Briefly, it concerns Robert Lang from Bethel, who insisted he would help a df'd woman with a carriage-bound baby in a particularly precarious circumstance. The weak and emasculated fellow elders vascillated as to helping her. Rules and regulations notwithstanding, some people will do the right thing, i.e., display a Christ-like attitude and perform the good deed. My point is that the hearts of many may truly go out to you, but for the reasons already given, they cannot OR will not respond to you (haven't many of us learned that we said or did something we had forgotten but was brought to our attention years later by an individual "eternally grateful" to us?). Those shunning you are likely torn apart inside. Maybe they have gone home and cried for you. That may seem little consolation now, yet there is that saying about a man's INSIGHT slowing down his anger. May peace, understanding and love be yours.
Yours truly,
CoCo
