the walk of shame (page 6)

SWALKER

I've said this on many posts...I was raised as a JW, came from a loooooong line, but for some reason I always had friends that weren't JW's. I was pretty outgoing and had lots of friend in school...they all knew I was a Witness and accepted my beliefs and we stayed friends for many years. I had close friends in the business world that I would go to dinner and movies with. They all knew I was a Witness and respected my beliefs....

MAKE SOME FRIENDS!!!!!!! You can find them at work, or at the gym, etc. You'll find it won't be so difficult at the meetings when you have other friends wanting to hang out with you. I was never DF'd, but close family members were, and that was the ticket that got them through!

If the elders ask....it's always work related! Refuse to offer any details! If your wife asks...you could be hanging out with someone discussing a business partnership, etc.

Most JW's get in trouble by telling the elders way more than they need to know.......

Swalker

katiekitten

Noname, thank you for posting that. I shunned my friends when I was in (although I would greet them in town if no witnesses were around).I feel terrible now. I never know it affected people like that.

I always thought it was just some kind game we all played. We all knew the rules, we knew it wasnt pesonal, and the D'fed person was just playing the game like I was.

I've thought about getting to the meeting just after the opening song and leaving as soon as the Amen comes. But i have to consider my wife.

I would say she isnt considering you. It seems to me that she is using the situation to punish you (shes playing the game too, but the rules are in her favour - she can beat you up emotionally three times a week while pretending shes just doing what shes supposed to, and shes got the umpires backing).

I know shes using the situation against you because its EXACTLY what I would do if I were a faithful wife in her situation. Boy, id make you pay every goddam day of your lousy rotten sinning life with me. Especially if I were able to get off on the symapthy vote for being such a faithful wife. Now think - can you bear the rest of your life like that?

The only good I can see out of this is that your kids will be thinking something about it, and given childrens complete faithfulness to their parents they will be forming opinions that make them wonder why people are treating their daddy like this. As they grow older they will definately see that this situation is out of order.

(although I do worry about the lesson being reinforced that 'daddy did something wrong so everyone ignores him'. It might make them feel insecure about the consequences of their own natural childish behaviour).

katiekitten

repeat post.

Gill

For God's sake! Stop going to the damned meetings and get a life.

Let your daft wife struggle on her own and just help her when she comes home.

Do you enjoy her punishing you?

I didn't think so.

Do you really need 'friends' like these?

I didn't think so.

Be a good husband for everything BUT the meetings. Grow a spine. Life without the Watchtower is great!

Afterall, in time you'll discover for yourself it's just a load of BS! Stop wasting your time.

lowden

Aaah memories.....

What a peculiar bunch of people we were involved with.

The phrase 'passively evil' comes to mind.

Peace

Lowden

purplesofa

I wonder why your wife chooses to keep you when she can get a scriptual divorce. From your comments of considering her as you do in that you watch the kids so she can mingle.........I wonder why you were immoral if you seem to love and care for her so much.

I know you did not ask for this bit of advice, but have you thought of going to a marriage counselor? for it seems you both have issues.

THE WALK OF SHAME............I have walked this walk as well. It carried over to every aspect of my life. I think of all the power three men have over your very life, the sentence to death they give out..............and how 6 million people will obey it ....blindly, not even knowing a thing about the circumstances. It is the harshest of punishments, physical death would be easier.

I remember a sister that smiled at me when I was DF, (she worked at the electric company and I was paying my bill) She also showed me pictures of her children. I felt such hope when she did that.

You no doubt have a long road ahead of you, no matter what decisions you make. I think if the elders would just let you reap what you have sown that would be enough to deal with. Now everything is much more complicated in that you have so much to make amends with. It is nice you have your children who do love unconditionally. For myself, I probably would find myself clinging onto them dearly.

Thank-you for your heartfelt post. Take the time to heal your marriage if that is what you want. It's a wonderful opportunity to focus on that.

purps

katiekitten

I think if the elders would just let you reap what you have sown that would be enough to deal with.

What Purps said.

nonamegiven

My wife says she stayed with me because she loves me. From what I see whe indeed does. She has been coming with me to counseling and support groups. She is doing more than just sticking with me as I work through this, she is helping me through it. Do I think she's punishing me??? I dunno. I suppose I wouldn't blame her if she did punish me (within reason).

Someone mentioned about being doomed to failure because of my issue. Well, that's like saying an alcoholic cannot go to a ball game because they sell beer. Some shouldn't, others would be fine bellying up to th ebar and ordering a coke (a cola). I do have a problem, but I'm seeking professional help and with that, along with God, my wife and my inner strength I'll get through this.

Pistoff

"On the other hand, if it were me though, I would walk in shame and feel it justified if I had cheated on my wife. No spouse deserves that - ever."

Come on, get off you high horse. Remorse, maybe; shame no.
This seldom happens in a vacuum.

Hannah

I think it's great that you want to help out your wife with the kids, but if you're so miserable going to the meetings (and truthfully, who isn't) why are you going? Just to be reinstated? Is your intention to become an active JW with a happy actively publishing JW family? Or is that your wife's wish? I can totally relate to wanting to did it for your kids, and family, etc. Trust me, but after pretending for about 12 years I told them to shove and actually DA's myself this year. What freedom, no pretending anymore. Is it not possible to take care of the children at home while she attends the meetings?

the walk of shame

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