I didn't tell my parents my real thoughts until I was 50 years old in January of 1995. Even with them in their 70's and me 50, it was a big explosion. My mother took that opportunity to tell me she would have put me in a foster home as a child.
It was surreal, like the silence fiction picture of the malevolent android beneath the fake skin and hair that looked like my parents. It was extremely discouraging.
They have not made contact with me since.
my very personal history!
by weary 33 Replies latest jw experiences
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garybuss
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rebel8
I've done many things wrong
One starting point would be to decide what your yardstick is for what is "right" and what is "wrong". To be a happy person, IMO, it's important to follow your own moral values and to be a good person in your own eyes. To accomplish that, you need to figure out what it is that makes something right. Is it following manmade rules that are very loosely based upon scripture? Is it scripture itself? Or something else? Only you can decide, but please don't let men tell you when to feel guilty and when not to.
Be careful of the , it relieves stress when you drink it, but over time it makes depression worse.....alcohol is a depressant. Do you have someone in your life you can talk to, a doctor, coworker, friend, anyone who is a good listener? Therapist? You are going through an awful lot emotionally right now, sounds like it's too much to go through alone. Don't want your depression to get worse.
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mama1119
Welcome Cindi and Weary!
Alot of people on this board can relate to the tortured feelings, myself included. But, the more you know, and the longer you are out, the easier it gets. Take it easy on the drink...it is not going to help anyhting in the long run.
WELCOME!!!!
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CD
Hi Weary -
welcome 2 JWD...this will be a great aid in your recovery & in dealing with your negative feelings. This org really confuses ppl's emotions & thinking patterns. you are special & love by God & let no one ever tell you otherwise. enjoy the site & use it to help in overcoming your negative feelings.
CD.
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delilah
Welcome Weary...you've come to the right place. Don't be hard on yourself, there are none of us perfect, and you most certainly will not be judged....you need to just relax, and post away. We're here for you....
You too, Cindi...welcome...
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Balsam
Weary & Cindi,
Welcome to both of you. The feeling of fear is strong enough to cut with a knife when your a JW. That fear kept me a loyal and submissive to my JW cheating husband and the Elders of the congregation. I let my children's father refuse blood for one of my sons and he died. The congregation were so proud of my then husband and thought it was wonderful the stand he took in the face of our son dying. I hated him from that time on even the thought of sitting next to him made me physically sick. I left the religion and my JW husband when they bragged on my son's death like it was a badge of honor to be proud of. Cindi that experience you had at the convention is not surprising consider the the WTS mentality.
Give yourself time and get the book "Crisis of Conscious" by Raymond Frantz who used to be a member of the Governing Body. The books is helpful in realizing where the bible give direction and man made rules. He does not bash the WTS but is really helpful.
PM me if you need support but don't want to talk publically. I work with AJWRB.ORG now as a volunteer. (Associated Jehovah's Witnesses for Reform on Blood)
Balsam
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restrangled
Weary,
Welcome!
I related to every word you said.
r.
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fullofdoubtnow
Hi weary and cindi, and a warm welcome to the forum for you both.
I am so glad you found us, this is a great place to be.
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jgnat
Welcome cindi and weary. You've taken a huge step to start talking about your situations. Welcome to the board. No need to apologize for the length, real stories is what makes this board so lively.
Weary, as tough as the road is to be true to yourself, that is the narrow road you must walk on. You don't have to do it today or tomorrow, but you have to start developing a little toughness of mind. Alchohol masks problems and it keeps adults from growing up. Alcohol and the controlling society is stunting you. Your self esteem will not improve until you start making small steps to be true to yourself, first, and later, others.
I'd like you to check out the video previews halfway down this link. I've just recently been introduced to Lou Holtz, and I think he is dead to rights how people start to feel good about themselves. It starts with integrity.
http://www.business-marketing.com/store/louholtz.html
I want to hear what you think after you watch the videos.
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Woofer
I'd probably fade also after listening to the example of the "fine Witness" couple who would not give their daughter the bone marrow transplant. I'd give my own life if it meant having my daughter live, I cannot comprend how parents can let a religion decide life threating decisions for them.