Did you ever think you'd stop being one of Jehovah's Witnesses? (page 3)

blondie

Yes, as soon as I realized how deep and high and wide the lying and liars were.

But I didn't blame God or Jesus for the lies of the WTS.

Blondie

This thought was why it was such a shock to everyone when I wrote my DA letter....that for 30 loyal and obedient years I had been nothing but a faithful JW. When a series of events happened and I had occasion to look on the 'net.....things became painfully clear and my "religion" was exposed as being a complete fraud. It hurt more than I can say, but I KNEW I could not continue being a JW for one minute longer once the "truth" set into my heart.

Annie

willyloman

Today it is like I was sombody else.

I can relate.

The other day, my wife said, "You know, since we left, I'm a lot happier."

Me, too.

sandy

I too feel like I was a total different person while a JW. I am basically a good, kind-hearted person like I've always been.

J-dub friends and family though mistakenly believe that my goodness was because of a deep love for Jehovah.

But I'm still the same caring person I've always been. The demons have not taken over and turned me in a monster, AKA "Worldly Person"

Abandoned

Yes, as soon as I realized how deep and high and wide the lying and liars were.
But I didn't blame God or Jesus for the lies of the WTS.
Blondie

I still have trouble with this. I don't understand why god would see the sincerity I know existed in my heart and reward that with a trip to hypocrisyland. I guess, I can't blame him for decisions I made, but my entire life, I've viewed god as my friend and yet when I was being lead along like a sucker, he wasn't anywhere near. With time, I hope to view this and him better, but for now, I'm mad at him and I'm convinced that if the situation were reversed I wouldn't do the same to him.

Sunspot

I don't understand why god would see the sincerity I know existed in my heart and reward that with a trip to hypocrisyland. I guess, I can't blame him for decisions I made, but my entire life, I've viewed god as my friend and yet when I was being lead along like a sucker, he wasn't anywhere near.

I could very well have written this for a couple of years after I left the WTS! Obviously, I felt exactly the same way! I got even more angry when an exJW gal on another board said that since I MADE the decision to do this and that (all those WTS mandatory directives) that I had no RIGHT to blame GOD for MY stupidity! That really hurt me. I just did not SEE it that way!

This anger has dissipated and I am trying to see my WTS experience (as horrific as it turned out to BE) as a learning experience and hope that from my perspective and understanding of how it can take hold of one SO deeply....

will be of help to someone else who is coming out of the WTS.....or in some cases....going IN by means of that "bible study" that JWs use as an excuse for indoctrination into a cult.

At least (hopefully) I can be useful for something that is good and decent on this world scene.

Annie

abuttercup

Re: Re: Did you ever think you'd stop being one of Jehovah's Witnesses?

interesting question when we were taught never to have our own thoughts. It was never a question for me. I was born and raised JW. I have a hugh family, all JW. I knew there was something "on the fence" and on the other side, but that was, unobtainable.If I went to the other side I would "die" I lived my whole life in constant fear. I am now in my thritys and have lived the past 15 years trying to sift though the shell of my psych. Untill recently, I never questioned the JW. I tried not to think about it at all, denial. I have my life and my family, to my dismay, has missed out on knowing a really cool person, It has taken me years to say that.........

becca1

Being raised a witness there were times I would fantasize about what life would be like if we had never been witnesses. When the Sears catalog would come in the mail I would go thriugh it and pick out the Christmas tree we would have and the presents I would receive and give. Things like these would pop into my brain every now and then, but I would never think of leaving. I always doubted certain things, but I pushed them away and waited on Jehovah. Then I found out about the UN issue and all my doubts hit me in the face. I looked into issues that had bothered me and when I looked at it all toghther I realized I could not stand by the WT anymore. So today I'm in the process of fading. I hope to escape with the least amount of damage possible.

FreeChick

I appreciate the comment that a couple people made about being more honest now then when a witness. I hadn't though of that, but it's so true. No more half-truths to the JW's or non-JW's. No more lying to myself. I was born and raised a JW and always lived in fear. I didn't think I would ever leave, but always wanted to. I hated going to meetings, service and assemblies.

I always get the answer from my elder father that I had the choice to not become a witness. True, no gun was pointed at me. But, when threatened that I would lose my family, be kicked out of the house, or hear things like those kids are getting baptized what's your problem. Oh and one time in my senior year of school (age 18) I finally just left the house and went to a dance at school. Came home and the entire living room was full of open magazine volumes and I had to sit down for a couple of hours to hear how bad I had been. Yea, I had a choice...not!

FreeChick

AuldSoul

No. I never thought I would.

Did you ever think you'd stop being one of Jehovah's Witnesses?

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