In love with a witnesss.... (page 3)

jwfacts

Welcome, great to have you posting.

Being in a mind control religion is as addictive as being on drugs. Would you recommend a person become a heroin addict just so that they could relate to their addict husband better? You would be far better off learning how to open you boyfriends eyes to the truth about the WTS.

I really feel sorry for the children. Over the next 20 to 30 years the WTS will become less and less relevant. It is quite unfair that they be bought up to feel like the strange odd ones out at school, not be allowed to engage in many normal childhood activities, and be prevented from developing their own personalities, but rather be forced to develop the 'cult' personality. 3/4 of JW children end up leaving and often hold resentment to their parents for being forced to grow up in a cult.

rintintin

Save yourself a lot of headaches and find yourself another girl.

We've been there

city girl

Thank you to everyone who has responded....i sincerely appreciate it. When we first started dating I had NO IDEA that he was raised a witness. He finally let it slip and didn't really explain what it meant. When I asked why I couldn't meet any of his friends/family he said "b/c of my religion." He didn't go on to explain, fearing that it would scare me away. So I went to the library and checked out all sorts of books and basically learned for myself...that's when I first discovered that the relationship had little hope. I became depressed a little but got over it b/c we continued to see each other and have a great time. I believe his status is "inactive." His family bothers him about not going to many meetings and not going door to door. He said he doesn't really know what he believes - he's confused. AND if it weren't for his son we'd run off and spend the rest of our lives together. Yes, we have had sex out of marriage. Yes, we go out and have a good time. And no, he does not believe in everything the witnesses do. But he's real tight with his family and feels its me or them.... He just has this totally separate life (he lives a couple hours away) and that is intriguing to me. I told him I'd become a JW as much as he is so that he can still have his family....but apparently that's not possible. He's never tried to convert me and he kind of looks at me like I'm crazy for wanting to go so far.....but apparently this isn't going to work. really, this sucks....

Robdar

Yes you should convert. You should convert now-- right this very minute. Don't worry about a thing. Don't give the subject another thought. Afterall, your love will get you through. Love has a way of doing that, right? It's all worth it for love. Yes, my dear, it's worth every minute of being a phoney because LOVE conquers all. LOVE understand all. LOVE is LOVE is LOVE. Do it for love.

sass_my_frass

Ugh, that sounds like hell. Okay, I was a JW, and I have put two guys through this exact thing. The first couldn't take it and we didn't work out. I eventually married the second, but it was a very, very long journey. I finally realised that he's worth a thousand of my family, but I think we were just very lucky. It was the right time for me, I'd worked through it and was ready to go. You may be just as patient and fabulous as my husband, but if he wants to be a JW, only he can get himself out of it.

But he's real tight with his family and feels its me or them....

That is true on many levels; and it's what happened in my case - I got df'd, we got married, I no longer have a family. But you should be treating yourself better: you should be telling him that it's you or his family. His family can't keep him warm at night, can't be a mother to his kid, can't be his best friend, can't talk to him about the JW issues that bother him, and yet they are more important to him than you.

He has lied and dodged the biggest issue in his life to keep you hanging on. Please start respecting yourself. Demand to meet his family and to have control over the direction of your relationship. If he can't provide that, he's not the one for you. Simple as.

sosad

it sounds to me like you already know "your truth" about your relationship. maybe, one day he will really care to understand what is wrong with the belief systemhe was raised in and the culture that he is still, at some level a part of. only then, would the two of you have a chance.

It's like falling in love with someone who is already married. Sure, the marriage may be on the rocks. But it makes more sense for the "unhappily, but still married" one to be really and truly single- un-married- and like life like that. Then, go back to the person you were dating...

If you are meant to be together, you will be. Just not now, not like this me thinks.

I am sorry for the grief you will feel.

HAL9000

I suspect that he has a decision to make that he doesn't want to make (or won't make).

You

or

Family & JWs

Heartbreaking........................................

h9k

exjdub

But he's real tight with his family and feels its me or them.... He just has this totally separate life (he lives a couple hours away) and that is intriguing to me

city girl,

I find, after having read many threads very similar to yours, that the JW's who have strong family ties are the hardest cases. There is tremendous pressure that comes from the family and it really is, as you pointed out, you or them. And he will choose them...eventually. Let's even say for a moment that you are very serious and decide to get married. As soon as you run into any problems, disagreements, etc., he will talk with his family and they will be quite ready to throw you under the bus and accept him back with open arms. Marriage and committed relationships cannot withstand the constant pressure and negativity that is brought to bear on these situations.

Finally, any time that somebody "has this totally separate life" from someone they supposedly love begs the question....why?? The very nature of love and relationships is sharing your life. If the one you care about has a totally seperate life where does that place you in the stream of the relationship? It is not first, I can assure you. As painful as it is, think long and hard before inviting such pain into your life.

Warmest Regards,

exjdub

parakeet

"I am willing to do so, to an extent...but I do not believe everything the witnesses do."

Other posters have touched on this point, but I want to emphasize it -- it's nearly impossible to be a "partial" Witness. You can't be a JW "to an extent." They want everything you have and then some. They demand your complete obedience, loyalty, and most importantly, your money. If they sense you're halfhearted about conversion, they'll drop you like a hot potato and advise your bf to do the same. If you manage to fool them until you're baptized, and they find out afterward that you don't agree with them completely, they will disfellowship and shun you. And sometimes, if you've landed in a particularly nasty congregation, they'll go out of their way to slander you and make your life a living hell. I'm not exaggerating.

JWs are a cult as surely as the Moonies and other weird cults, except that they hide their cult thinking better because on the outside they look fairly normal.

Not only would I advise that you not even consider converting to JWs, I would advise that you rethink your future with your bf. Marriage and raising children are difficult enough without the excessively heavy burdens the JWs will impose on your relationship.

jgnat

I feel that the only way our relationship can work is that if I convert.

I am surprised you came to this conclusion if you've been reading this forum for some time. Are you sure you've found the ideal man? He doesn't sound very flexible to me. I suspect his requirements will only escalate after you get married. My JW husband committed to me as I was. He was the one who risked eternal death and rejection at the hall to marry me. I have no doubt as to the depth of his commitment to me.

Is it possible to convert to JW in the same way couples convert to Catholicism/Judaism for each other....?---meaning more for ritual/title and less for deep conviction?

No. With the JW's, it's all or nothing. You can try faking it, but I fear for the damage it will do to your soul. You will literally be living a double life. If you were to do this, it would mean about six months' study, token field service, and baptism. Near the end of the six months, you should be attending three meetings a week along with the field service. You may drop field service and slow down your attendance after you are baptised, but you would have to check with your fiancee if this would be acceptable. I fear he may say it's OK now, but get hardline later.

You would have to agree to about a hundred statements of faith prior to being baptized. They are listed in the "Organized to do Jehovah's Will" booklet, starting on page 182.

http://www.reexamine.info/00s/organized_to_do_jehovahs_will.pdf

Can you agree to all this? Wouldn't it be better for him to do the bending, as my JW husband did for me? If he can't, that's a pretty good indication what the rest of your life will be like.

I fear for you, girl.

In love with a witnesss....

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