by city girl 37 Replies latest jw friends
You know what? It would be much easier to get him to explore why he left. I think he's one of those exited Witnesses that never worked it out all the way. So HE'S the one living in fairy-tale limboland, at risk at any moment to be swept back in to the madness. Why would you want to join him?
How about buying him "Crisis of Conscience" by Raymond Franz for Christmas?
http://www.amazon.com/Crisis-Conscience-Raymond-Franz/dp/0914675044
City Girl, you say:
And no, he does not believe in everything the witnesses do. But he's real tight with his family and feels its me or them.... He just has this totally separate life (he lives a couple hours away) and that is intriguing to me. I told him I'd become a JW as much as he is so that he can still have his family....but apparently that's not possible. He's never tried to convert me and he kind of looks at me like I'm crazy for wanting to go so far.....but apparently this isn't going to work. really, this sucks....
Your knowledge of the situation is most important. All others here can do is suggest, question. But, it doesn't sound hopeless for this guy. His biggest problem is that he wants to be a JW again, knowing the religion has problems, just to be able to have a relationship with family. Before you give up, you could point out that you have learned more about the problems with the religion, and you cannot understand why he wants to subject his child to those same problems, just so family will communicate with him. Tell him that he is better off sharing truth and happiness with his own family that he can create, than spreading more despair into the next generation. Tell him that people with doubts usually go on to separate themselves from the religion later, so getting a child into it will make it more difficult later- study up on JW's now before you bring your child into the congregation.
Just an update....this morning we had a big conversation. I couldn't take it anymore and said that I would NEVER become a witness. I told him, "You don't even believe in Jehovah; you don't even know if God exists; you have gone thru so much pain/guilt/suffering b/c of this religion....and if you told your family about me it would be horrible - they would shun you. That is REALLY REALLY bad..." (I wanted to use the word cult, but i refrained). He surprised me by agreeing that it WAS in fact "bad". I told him that this whole situation has caused me an unbelievable amount of pain. I'm surprised he didn't just end the relationship right then and there. He instead told me that he wants to try to make us work, but after reading the board I see that for him to really leave the witnesses would mean a lot more pain/suffering. He's so close to giving up on the JW's, but then he doesn't want his son to have to be torn between him and his ex wife... he wants his son to have hope.....whatever that means. I have about had enough!
If you "have about had enough", then perhaps this is not the relationship for you. If you want to hang around, it sounds like you can help him. As far as the son goes, he is going to have to decide what to do, don't interfer there. He can come to this board for advice or go to a counselor or whatever he wants to do for his son.
At least if you leave, you have opened his eyes some more. Good job.
When my wife (an Anglican) married me, I was a drifted JW child, unbaptised.
I managed to bring her into 'The Truth", but never got baptised myself. I drifted out completely after their killer god failed to deliver on their promises for 1975. I was still a semi believer though, and let her bring our kids up in the cult. We now have grandchildren.
A few years ago I finally woke up that the religion was a hoax. Now my wife thinks I am being led astray by demons and that I am a danger to the rest of our family.
I think she is a danger to the rest of our family.
She will not discuss her beliefs with me. When she has done, she has lied to me to decieve me into thinking that the WT has changed its policies on various subjects.
It is a very difficult situation for us both. My mind is too open for me to ever become a JW and hers is too closed for her to consider that she may be wrong.
I have just finished reading "Dark Side of the Moonies" by Erica Heftmann. Erica was just as much a victim of mind control as my wife is.
All cults have victims. Willing victims and unwilling victims. Please make sure that you and your loved ones do not become either.
Welcome to the forum
Chris
Can't add much to what has been suggested here...
Attempting to pull a believing Jehovah's Witness out of the religion is a long, hard, painfully rocky road... joining up yourself will be even worse.
All the best to you.
Baba.
Welcome to the board.
I know how wonderful falling in love can be, but when it comes to the jehovah's witnesses, there's a bit more to it. The religion itself doesn't accept anything less than full obedience and they have very powerful methods to try and get all the devotion they demand. It's very hard for a witness to just be a casual worshipper without being either sucked in or kicked out. This leads to one of the most frustrating parts of being in love with a jw. When they are in, they generally place the organization (their representation of god) first above all else. You will be second place. Now when they are pulling away as many do, the organization turns up the pressure to try and pull the guy back in and this can lead to depression and all sorts of other problems.
Good luck whatever you decide.
He's so close to giving up on the JW's, but then he doesn't want his son to have to be torn between him and his ex wife... he wants his son to have hope.....whatever that means.
To have hope is a Witness means you attend all the meetings and keep your time card up for field service so that you remain approved until the day of the big "A". Your sweetheart, though he's left on the outside, is still inside very much a witness. It seems he's given up on any sort of eternity for himself, so he's enjoying what small pleasure he can in this world. But he won't give it up for his son. This is a man who, at any time, might return to the society. For instance, as his son gets older and dad yearns to join him in paradise.
How I'd love to set him free from his torment. *sigh*
