In love with a witnesss....

city girl

Hello, I'm new here...but I've been reading the forum for some time, but this is the first time i've posted. I am stuck. I am a non witness and have been seriously dating a witness for about a year now. I am in my late 20s and have been through enough relationships to know that I've finally found the one that I want to spend the rest of my life with. The problem is that he has a child from a previous relationship and wants to raise his child as a JW although he himself does not agree with everything the JW's believe in. I feel that the only way our relationship can work is that if I convert. I am willing to do so, to an extent...but I do not believe everything the witnesses do. I was raised a Christian and have since denied that faith for various reasons. Is it possible to convert to JW in the same way couples convert to Catholicism/Judaism for each other....?---meaning more for ritual/title and less for deep conviction?

Finally-Free

Welcome to the board!

The JW religion is all about control. If you convert, you must understand that if you ever change your mind you will be shunned. The congregation will train your children to turn against you and disown you if you ever deviate from JW beliefs and practices. There are many members of this board who have been disowned by their own families.

No man, or woman, is worth a person's giving up their own identity and right to self determination, but that is what the Watchtower demands - they just won't ever phrase it the same way I do.

W

daystar

Is it possible to convert to JW in the same way couples convert to Catholicism/Judaism for each other....?---meaning more for ritual/title and less for deep conviction?

Not really. They expect a serious, committed buy in. You'll be considered "weak" if you don't go to all three or four meetings a week, go in field service regularly, comment at the meetings regularly, etc. You can't really have any sort of a social life outside the Witnesses and then only if you're not labelled as "weak".

I would suggest absolutely do notever consider "converting".

james_woods

Welcome - you sound like you really love this guy.

I have to say something that may sound kind of hearless...but do you think he would "un-convert" for you?

Have you also thought about what would happen if you and he were ever to have a kid of your own?

My advice is to think very carefully before you get mixed up with this cult.

fullofdoubtnow

I can only echo what others have said - the jw religion is nothing more than a high control cult. If you join them, and later change your mind, you will instantly lose every "friend" you make in the jws, and your own children will be advised to shun you if they are jws.

I would think very carefully before you commit yourself fully, and research the jws thoroughly.

btw welcome to the forum

unique1

My hubby converted for me although he didn't believe everything. He eventually stopped going and I eventually stopped going and the rest is history. We didn't have a child involved though. That brings a whole new factor into the equasion. I have discovered that most Witnesses althought they don't buy into the whole thing, if they have kids, will stay JW's forever because they are terrified their kids will die at armageddon if they don't. Think all this over carefully and discuss it honestly and openly with him before making any decisions.

Seeking Knowledge

Hi city girl

Good luck...if he's not totally agreeable with what the JW's teach why in the world would he want his child raised as one? that is a question to ask. Also, what James Woods said..would he convert for you?

It's not an easy road to travel by any means and it gets even harder when children are involved. Rest assured, any kids you have with him he will insist be raised as a JW...and that's where the trouble starts.

do your research, don't go into this for him just to "get" him. Ask the questions & keep your eyes open.

SK

Oroborus21

Howdy,

Welcome, congratulations on finding the one for you, and good luck!

You are not the first to be in this situation, it is quite common. I think an important thing to understand is that being raised or even being a JW involves the entire enculturation (if born in) or acculturation (if converted) of the person to the JW culture.

Try to imagine it this way. Imagine that you are European (let's say German) and your guy is an American. That is his cultural background. He might not possess or accept every cultural aspect or trait or artifact but overall he is an American. Even if he goes to live in Germany with you and adopts many of the cultural traits/artifacts of Germany, in some sense he will always be and always remain an American. Now he says that he wants to raise his child as an "American."

Let's get back to the JW/non-JW aspect...

This analogy should help you to figure out that you need to discuss with him, what he means by raising the child as a "JW." The fact is that there is no single JW experience. I had a very liberal JW upbringing including extracurricular activites, sports, dances, prom, etc. but not celebrating holidays, having sex, drugs, smoking, etc.. I went to meetings (variously) but never in field service or participated on the ministry school.

Others have or had a stricter (or more conformist to the Society's ideal) JW upbringing.

So just like being "american" could mean many different things to your guy, being a JW might mean different things. What you need to know is what exactly he intends or means so that you will know whether you will be comfortable with those things. (If you do get involved seriously, whether you like it or not, at times you may find yourself having to back your guy in these matters - especially when the kids start testing the boundaries.)

Incidently, your bringing this up and getting him to think about it and hopefully discuss it with you, may help him to see many things, including that there are alternatives and different JW experiences to be had. (This may be especialy important if he wasn't happy with his own JW experience or upbringing.)

As for you conversion, it is not necessary to your happiness or to the health of your relationship with him.

If you learn something, or adopt some things due to your own choice and out of your own bible study or exploration of faith that is fine. If you want to support your (husband) by attending meetings or assemblies or other JW gatherings, that is also fine.

I won't tell you never to get baptized as JW - since that is a personal choice -- but you should be aware that formally becoming a JW has consequences and subjects you personally to punishment and controlling situations that you will not enjoy and will likely resent.

The only thing that I will tell you is that you should commit yourself to learning all aspects of the faith. For every piece of Pro-JW information, belief, teaching, practice, you should explore or learn what the opposite to that is. The Internet, your public library and friends like those here on JWD will be invaluable to providing you the counter-information or background to beliefs/practices that you learn from Jehovah's Witnesses.

I do not tell you this because I believe the "counter-information" to be effective or to overcome the JW information (in every case); but rather, because I believe that you should be fully informed in your decisions and in the beliefs that you formulate.

It is very simple: resolve to consider both sides of a thing before committing to it. I think if you follow that simple rule of thumb you will figure out for yourself what aspects, if any, of being a Jehovah's Witness you will adopt or accept and what you will not.

Finally, whatever you do, always focus on your relationship with your guy. The JW parts are very important, but if your relationship is solid on all the other non-JW aspects, you will probably be able to have a good, happy and healthy relationship.

take care,

Eduardo

blondie

Welcome to the board...I am just curious what his status is in the WTS: disfellowshipped, disassociated, inactive, never baptized but raised in a JW family. Is he actively participating in the WTS religion, going to all 5 weekly meetings, going in the door to door "preaching" work, is he a smoker, are you two having sex outside marriage, does he celebrate the holidays and birthdays, have you met his family and friends, if not, why not, there are people on here who married JWs and very few had it work out. My husband was not a JW when we married, he converted, but as time went by he saw all the lies and hypocrisy and could no longer be part of it so we both left. It doesn't always work out that way, sometimes it is only the non-JW who leaves and if there are children it can get nasty.

Blondie

carla

If you are ready to have your entire life controlled by an organization then by all means join this cult. The jw's WILL control what you read, what movies & tv you watch, your clothing, your makeup, your sex life when married including how much passion is 'appropriate', all family traditions, all holidays (you can't celebrate any), sometimes even your employment, your level of education, etc..... If you can with good conscience join a cult that covers up pedophiles and crimes against children and women, lies to you on a regular basis, demands all your time, demands that you shun people including your own family then by all means convert to this cult.

In love with a witnesss....

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