Just clone yourself and "he" can be the whippin' boy. While you're in the hot tub with Dismembered & his wife, swillin' down mimosas, you'll be gettin' a taste of the "real" life. That's the paradise you're missin' out on, bro'.
1:09am and the frickin' meeting tomorrow!
by 5thGeneration 47 Replies latest jw friends
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blondie
Sorry to hear about your dilemma; spouse and kids make it difficult to fade or to leave without creating family troubles. Have you ever read Jim Whitney's account of how he helped his family leave. It doesn't work for everyone. I was inactive for about a year before my husband had his ephiphany. I think it is easier for women to fade away because they aren't worth much in the WT community.
(can someone post Jim's account; can't find, I know, call it oldtimer's disease)
My Comments You Won't Hear at the WT Study started when I was still feeling "trapped" and having to go to the meetings. Believe it or not, I did give some of the comments from earlier reviews.
I hated never having a morning to sleep in (exception going to a congregation that shares and having afternoon meetings might be an idea; but that only lasts one year; switch back and forth every year?)
Go somewhere fun for the weekend and get everybody exhausted Saturday night so no one wants to go to the new, nearby congregation, where they don't really know anybody.
They did give my husband grief about my not going to the meetings. It actually worked to my benefit because he started seeing how unchristian and unloving they were. It made him hate going to meetings.
Blondie (only 3rd generation)
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Sunspot
Would your wife flip if you just said "I don't feel like going today"???
Ahhh....but Mary-----haven't we all heard the pre-emptive strike from the hallowed podium at the Kingdom Hall----the one where the brother mentions that everyone there would have liked to slept in and stay home both on "Saturday Field Service Day" AND the "Sunday Go-To-Meeting Day"? And immediately following this fleeting momentary dream----then we always heard....
.... "BUT! Don't we loooove Jehovah and want to come to the fine, FINE meal he has prepared for US (or to obey "his commands to pester all our neighbors by banging on their doors, whichever day he's referring to). Now this brother has nipped any of these desires right in the bud because HE has to be there! Anyone who harbors a secret wish to skip the meetings is seen as "weak".....and nobody wants to be seen (GASP!!) this way.....so this ploy pretty much "works" for the most part.
The WTS KNOWS that normal people desire one day in the weekend OFF from everyday routines and chores.....good grief----the remember the Jews (God's chosen people before the JWs) took it to a higher art form----but the enslaved WTS worker bees MUST take up the slack and make sure they "gather together" to pursue the WTS activities "shoulder-to-shoulder" as
the biblethe Watchtower Society insists on, and you're cooked before the thought becomes a reality to cherish.The WTS firmly believes (well---anyway---they TEACH this) that by wanting to rest your bodies one morning or even by going haywire and pushing this thought to include one whole day per week----is a personal offense to "what God requires" and MUST be avoided at all costs. Not being at the Kingdom Hall is considered the same as spitting in God's face......cuz he said so somewhere in his rulez and regz. Just ask any JW.
Annie
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Quandry
You know, I think telling your wife you would like a "family day" next Sunday would be just the thing. Tell her you want to make the spam and eggs while she is in bed,and bring them to her, then you want all the family to take a walk together and then you want to teach your kids how to hit a baseball or some similar activity. (Sorry,the football game may not be in the running)
What mom does not want dad to spend time with the kids? After a relaxing day that all have enjoyed, it will be easier next time to find an activity that conflicts with the meeting time, and easier to get the family to agree.
Many have helped family out. Have patience. A family is a treasure. Tread carefully.
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5thGeneration
Thanks everyone.
Good news: I stayed home and slept in.
Bad news: My wife went and she's gonna be pissed. I feel really bad for her. She goes because she doesn't want to hurt her parents but still wants me to tag along.
My situation is complicated. Hundreds of friends, generations of family in the truth and an inheritance that I would probably loose are all factors.
Forget the mimosa, I'm getting a SCREWDRIVER!
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blondie
5th, they get used to it. There isn't a congregation in this circuit or the surrounding ones that don't have a JW family member of mine in it. I am from one of the 5 founding families.
Make new friends outside the WT community. People at work, in the neighborhood, get involved in a do-good organization (they always have social events to get people acquainted), etc.
Join a sports club, volleyball, soccer, baseball, etc.
Blondie
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kid-A
"My wife went and she's gonna be pissed. "
> So let her be! You are an autonomous adult, she has no right to emotionally blackmail you for standing up for your freedom to spend your sundays however you wish.
"I feel really bad for her. She goes because she doesn't want to hurt her parents"
> Why? From the sound of things, she herself does'nt want to go but goes to appease her parents. How old is she? How long does one need to please one's parents before standing as an individual, and damn the consequences? They either respect your decisions or they dont, but they dont have the right to make those decisions for you.
" but still wants me to tag along."
> Thats ridiculous! She wants you to 'share' her torture? Is this fair? Man, you need to enter a faster "fade" program and have a long, long discussion with wifey. There comes a point when we need to chose between our sanity and our inheritances.
You need to realize this is not an impossible situation. Like pulling off a band-aid, it will sting a little bit, but the smoke will clear and you can be free of this watchtower lifestyle. Use your creativity and cunning to figure out an escape plan, if not for your entire family, at least for yourself. If you dont, the resentment will just fester and seethe until the stability of your relationship with wife and family will be severely compromised. Your motto needs to be: short-term pain, long-term gain.
Advice and Hints: Find creative excuses for missing meetings, for example, take some night classes that "regrettably" take place on the book study or meeting nights! Try to get your kids involved in some activities on the week-ends like sports, music lessons, etc, anything that will distract from your "Theocratic" schedule. Your wife will moan about it, but stick to your guns. Your rights (and your childrens rights) are no less important than hers. Avoid discussing ANYTHING to do with the JWs unless it takes a 'critical' form.
Finally some of the best advice ever written:
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LittleToe
I usually go to church for about 11am. This morning I happily stayed in bed and enjoyed a lay in, instead. I studied a little, then went round to my sister's for lunch and played with the nephews for a while. So far it has been a great day
Kid-A:
So let her be! You are an autonomous adult, she has no right to emotionally blackmail you for standing up for your freedom to spend your sundays however you wish.
You're obviously not married, are you! LOL
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Sunspot
Good news: I stayed home and slept in.
Bad news: My wife went and she's gonna be pissed. I feel really bad for her. She goes because she doesn't want to hurt her parents but still wants me to tag along.
Yup! That WAS good news, LOL! Good for YOU!!!!
The fact that your poor wife is under the impression that being at the meeting to please her parents......is not even in the ballpark of "pleasing Jehovah".......and a grown and married WOMAN and Mother---does not need to spend her time to serve her parents by attending that meeting or knuckle under to their wishes! It is really pitiful and I feel sorry for her in a way. It's time to grow up and do things to support her OWN family unit and what pleases THEM....apart from "what the WTS requires!"
You needn't "go" to hold HER hand and to put on the face of the eager JW that is living their lives according to the dictates of a few men in Brooklyn......and who are told not to miss ANYTHING the WTS "provides" to keep the JWs "busy"....it's such a farce!!!!
Keep us posted on the developments (I know there will be some) and let us know if we can be of help. It's for you----but is really for HER, and helping her to get out from under the tyrannical old men who are running her life.
hugs,
Annie
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kid-A
"You're obviously not married, are you! LOL"
Hee hee....yup, LT, to a wonderful "worldly" woman... Sure I'm whipped sometimes, but it sure as hell ain't over going to the king-dumb hall on a sunday morning! LOL....I feel 5th's pain, but there comes a time when we all need to draw a line in the sand and 9/10s of the time, it earns respect in the long-term.....