bugger. Wish I could come too Decki.
Should I just say no?
by hambeak 50 Replies latest jw friends
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Madame Quixote
Hambeak, I thought I saw somewhere that you are recovering from illness or surgery. Good grief! Someone in your family should be waiting on you.
I would not go pick up this loser unless it's on the way to an Al-Anon meeting and he's getting dropped off at an AA meeting or a Treatment Center. I would make that the condition for any interaction/assistance I do for him, DAILY: I do this, you go to AA. You don't go to AA, you don't get any favors. Period.
You need to take care of YOU, not the drunk.
BTW, I hope you are recovering well and sanely.
Sounds like an abominable situation with your in-laws. They sound like a lovely Baptist couple. I'm picturing them as the cartoon with the 2 old folks and their very, very bad dog. What's it called? Anyone know which cartoon I'm talking about?
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hambeak
I would love to and so would Jake unfortunately I have already bought all the fixins for tgiving. and KK come on down. I am taking another posters advice though and for a**holes home comeing I will make a tv dinner and they can freeze it and eat I am so NOT doing anything for that low life loser. Jake and I only do all this for the sake of his sweet old pappy he is such a great guy and she makes his life a living hell always telling him she can't wait to bury him, it is heartbreaking to see and hear all this crap as it breaks Jakes heart to see his mom and dad so miserable with each other. I wish they had divorced 40 years ago. They say it all the time I just keep my mouth shut.
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hambeak
btw as a condition of his parole he has to attend anger management go to AA and NA and get a breathalizer installed on his truck and blow into it before it will start. One drink and back he goes. It is my understanding he will be on parole for 1 1/2 years he won't make it.
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Madame Quixote
BTW, if the drunk refuses to go to the AA mtgs, you are totally absolved of all responsibility for doing him any favors whatsoever. He's earned the right to go to meetings daily until he shapes up or ships out and his parents ought to agree to it, if they really care about him getting well. It probably won't get him sober or change his attitude to go to mtgs, but it gets you "off the hook" and in control of your own boundaries. No adult who behaves so badly deserves to have a cook, a maid, a caretaker, whatever if he refuses to help himself.
Also, I would make Al-Anon a requirement for my inlaws, in regard to certain duties performed on their behalfs, as well. They need help, too, as they are total enablers and son blames them for his alcoholism/problems, right? They need to understand how they're being manipulated by him and by each other over son's drunkenness. Al-Anon could really help them.
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Sparkplug
Aw KK...Please do. Hambeak, if you change your mind, you can cook and we will eat. lol. Live with no regrets my hon. Sometimes this dinner may be the one thing you are glad you did for if age is a factor you are such a kind heart that you would feel so bad that you did not deal with stupidity one more time. Now... don't go wear yourself out, but go with your heart. It has served you well this long. And VENT baby Vent. Sounds like you need a bottle of Vino to start before they get there. (or you there) It will be good any which way you choose. And any way you go...Jake loves you no matter what. Anyone can see that.
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fullofdoubtnow
Just say no hambeak. Make an excuse, say you are ill, whatever you have to do. You owe this guy nothing, give him nothing.
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Madame Quixote
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/
I know sometimes it seems like a cult, but you and your father-in-law will find great support and coping strategies, especially with regard to setting boundaries (like not putting up with abuse from wife) at Al-Anon. Many there have multiple years, even decades, of experience. Best wishes.
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juni
Hi Hambeak!
What a strange old couple! Remember they are your partner's parents so it's really his job to set the boundaries w/his family. My opinion.
That was my thought also. You have been through a lot with your illness. Why should all of this fall on your shoulders? You don't want/need that stress in your life. Are you the only one who can cook?
You do A LOT FOR PEOPLE Hambeak. It's a fact of life that a lot of people take advantage of good-hearted ones like you. I'm sensitive to the issue of being a door mat for people or seeing others get walked on.
I still feel strongly that your partner needs to talk to his Dad. He sounds like a reasonable man. Wouldn't he understand if you can't keep making a Sunday meal for them every week? You have a life also and need a break from this routine.
Hugs,
Juni
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hambeak
Juni I wish I could but I am trapped I have spoiled them so to speak as they are closer to me than their own sons. I don't think pappy will make it through 07 and that will kill Jake he is very close to his dad. So to try and keep peace and let the old man have some joy I do the best I can but you are right I am in a rut and I am getting older myself.