How do you make friends once leaving the Borg?

unhappy

So I'm starting the fading out now, and i'm avoiding all kh 'friends,' but am finding it a bit lonely, as was raised in org, and was always taught to shun worldly people even at school. Does anyone have any advice or experiences about how to overcome this? how they met and made new friends in the beginning? I don't work due to poor health, so i dont meet there.

Junction-Guy

I dont know the answer. I had alot of "Worldly" friends before I left Kentucky in 1995, it just seemed to come so natural. After I left Kentucky I never had another close friend until recently. I would suggest finding a group of people who share your hobbies.

diamondblue1974

So I'm starting the fading out now, and i'm avoiding all kh 'friends,' but am finding it a bit lonely, as was raised in org, and was always taught to shun worldly people even at school. Does anyone have any advice or experiences about how to overcome this? how they met and made new friends in the beginning? I don't work due to poor health, so i dont meet there.

This is a horrible position to be in and I dont envy you, however I think there are plenty of people who have been in a similar situation.

What are your interests? Is there a social scene attached to those interests, and can you meet in a local group? Take a course and meet new people there is another suggestion.

I remember when I was fresh out I thought I would have problems adjusting, to be honest I pushed myself out and would speak to almost anyone. I now have true friends who stick by you when the going gets tough, they would never ignore me should I fall by the wayside.

DB74

Swamboozled

In my opinion, it takes a bit of time to reprogram yourself. When you are so used to seperating yourself from EVERYONE outside of the hall you lose or never develop the ability to get to know people in a normal way. I had to really be proactive. Make myself make small talk in line at the store, etc. Once I felt a little more comfortable with people in general I joined a book club and got to know my neighbors a little better. Meeting people takes practice. Take it one step at a time and before you know it you'll have a whole circle of friends.

alt

Effervescent

What I did, going along with what Diamond Blue said, was signed myself up for volunteer opportunities. It's a great way to meet really awesome, kind people, and gives you a sense of doing something to combat negativity in the world. And it fights that negativity in your head that at least I know I carried around for a long time... telling me the world was a bad place and people were evil.

I signed myself up at the local volunteer fire department and ambulance and also would volunteer afternoons at the local retirement home. There's so many things you can do though, especially this time of year, and I know non-profit groups can always use an extra helping hand!

Finally-Free

I had many friends before I was a JW, but for the 20 years I was a JW I didn't have any friends. I didn't have any outside the KH either, because "worldly people" were "bad association".

For the first 2 years I was out of the cult I was pretty much a loner - no social life. But during the last year I started doing volunteer work, and have made some friends there. It's still awkward; I seem to have lost most of my social skills while I was in the cult, and have come to prefer solitude. But it gets better with time.

W

J-ex-W

I agree with the advice to start some kind of volunteer activity. Since you understand poor health and/ or disability, perhaps a group that focuses on helping disabled ones in some way would a 'familiar'/ comfortable place to get your toes wet. Sometimes the healthy vs. unhealthy contrast between people can, in and of itself, make expanding social circles more difficult. Start small and familiar and build from there. [Unless you are a true extrovert and willing to take on a new, previously 'forbidden' hobby you've always secretly wanted to try (e.g., community play, singles night gathering--local circulars usually advertise them; otherwise, something online might tell you local goings-on).] Good luck branching out--you'll find you have many new 'buds' by next spring!

Apostate Kate

This is a difficult stage to be at in the leaving WT process. You may feel a little like an outsider whatever you do try to do. I would get to know people without sharing a lot about myself at first, simply because we can go through so many changes during the exiting process that it does no good to take others with us on the roller coaster ride. That is what we are here at forum for.

I don't work due to poor health also but I am on the upside of my illness so I am putting all my efforts into charity. I meet many people this way. I am currently fundraising so I am meeting all the business owners in town.

If you haven't yet, read the social sections of your local newspaper and see if anything sounds interesting to you. There are charities, clubs, meetings of all kinds that may interest you. I know it will be so new and so foriegn at first but the more you take that first step the easier the next step becomes.

Have fun! The world is full of amazing people places and things.

darth frosty

There has already been some great suggestions, like volunteer work, finding groups of people who share your interest. But most important is what swamboozled said fighting the program and making small talk with people.

One thing I find helpfull dont be afraid to ask others about their personal life and interest. As a witness you tend to deal with everyone at arms legnth, learn to let some in. Check out the local papers for current events in your town. Go to art and cultural museum's, typically they have a varity of things going on. Seek out if your area has clubs of people doing things you like (i.e a bridge club, or acting troupe.)

I know me personally next year when the weather breaks I plan on joining a motorcycle club.

juni

I met new friends through volunteer work. Also someone here suggested joining a club that shares your hobby. Those are nice ways to find out that "worldly" people are not ogres or are trying to turn you from God. You will be amazed and refreshed by meeting new people who are not judgmental or looking for flaws in you.

Juni

How do you make friends once leaving the Borg?

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