A few weeks ago I posted about about how my parents have been asking about wether or not my card has been sent to my "new congregation" since I moved out in July. Up until now, I have been stalling not knowing wether or not I wanted to just come out and say "I have not been going to meetings" or not take any action at all. Well someone left an interesting piece of advice on my thread that I have been contemplating doing.That maybe, perhaps I should just have my card sent to a congregation that isn't anywhere near the actual city I live in. Show up for a couple meetings and then fade. That will then get the elders at my old hall off my back about my damn card (I suspect they are being so persistent because our C.O is a real douchebag) and my mom will be relieved to know I have joined a new hall. What do you guys think of this plan? And please no "honesty is the best policy" stuff. I have so many other things I am trying to figure out about myself right now. I can't have the extra undue stree. Thanks!
HELP! Trying to convince my parents I am going to meetings!
by stillAwitness 106 Replies latest jw friends
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blondie
Eventually, your parents will find out either from you or from some other source. All you can do is delay it. But you have to ask yourself, how will my parents (mother) react if she finds out I have been lying to her for a few months or a couple of years. I think you need to go back and read everyone's comments on the last thread. The WTS is a small group of people. I can remember a sister who moved to Hawaii from South Carolina and thought she could pass as a single sister (she was not scripturally divorced). She used a different name. She met a brother and at her wedding, a couple came up and said aren't you "her old name." It all fell apart. She could get married legally but not at the KH and the brother she was going to marry did not trust her after that.
Aren't you worried what your mother will say when she finds out you are "living with" your boyfriend?
Blondie
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stillAwitness
"Aren't you worried what your mother will say when she finds out you are "living with" your boyfriend?" I neve rthought about that Blondie. I live in the city and well... I don't talk to anybody from my old hall and have no association with JW's except my folks. They've never asked to come over and I wasn't exactly a fixture in my old hall
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orbison11
isnt it strange that their only daughter moved out to her first place and they have not come over and you have not invited them over?
they might already have an inkling
orb
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AK - Jeff
The question becomes 'Honesty now - or honesty later.' Doesn't it?
I have made similar suggestion before - though I am not sure I did on your thread or not. I think it would work - the only question is the value you attach to having the appearance of being a JW. No one can make that call but you.
Faders do it for a reason - and I assume you have good reasons to desire this. If it makes peace until you can find the right way [if ever] to tell your parents the choice you have made, then I would not condemn you. If you are just afraid to end the jw life, then you need to get more info and make up your mind more fully, and that is worth the time a 'fade' might buy.
If on the other hand your parents are not the 'shunning' type [and some are not], then why not just lay out the truth of the matter to them and get on with it - no reason to delay.
Only you can weigh and balance the matter, dear.
Good Luck to you
Jeff
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avidbiblereader
You can run but you can't hide. Not only is the WT a small org who likes to meddle in other peoples business and talk about people who ae in the their congr. left the congr, died or whatever, but the whole world for that matter is small. You are only putting off the inevitable. "Oh the tangled web we weave when we SEEK to decieve". Come clean and let the cards fall where they may. You will feel better about yourself, no fun going through life like you are on Foxes "Most Wanted". Stop looking over your shoulder and look straight ahead, be ________ with yourself, be strong and you will feel better that you are not living a lie. Sorry for that blank spot, fill it in as you need. Only the best of wishes.
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lilparrottx
I'm going to tell you a story, and I may ramble a bit, but I swear it relates. When I was 16, my parents gave me their car so that I could get a part-time job. The first rule was: "If you are driving, and there is a girl in the car, she must be in the back seat. If she is driving, you must be in the back seat. Not because we dont trust you, but because appearances may cause someone to doubt and stumble."
I was closing one night at the fast food restaurant where I workded, and it was very late. One of the older women that I worked with was unable to get a ride home, so I offered to take her. I was too embarassed to ask her to sit in the back seat, and since it was 3am in the morning, who would know? Besides, she was older than my mother. My father woke me at 8am the next morning to ask me "Who is this strange woman was that you were seen driving around town?"
The point is this - it is a VERY small world. You may not be talking to anyone from your past, but that doesn't mean that they wont see you "accidentally." We all know that JW's are encouraged to spy on each other, and the glee that comes from discovering someone doing something they shouldn't. All you are doing is delaying the inevitable.
I have deceived my parents and my "friends" so many times, I cannot even count the ways. It took me a long time to get out of that pattern, and sometimes still find myself lying even when I dont need to. Do yourself a favor - DONT start. You are hurting yourself in ways that are difficult to heal.
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minimus
I've never seen a young woman need SOOOOO much help all the time. Your stories are so incredible. Just tell mama and dada that you are sleeping and really having sex with your boyfriend and that you live together and that you're not going to meetings. Then, they and us can get along in life without having to tell you what to do anymore.OK??
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undercover
Why, mini...you wouldn't doubt her story, would you??
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unbeliever
Minimus why are you being so mean? You have asked hundreds and hundreds of questions on this board. Some people might find that annoying. You are really the last person who should be getting on stillawitness case.