Here's what I don't get: What is it that is harsh? Defining the act of lying as lying? Defining the act of deceiving as deception? Honestly revealing to someone that asks for help in carrying these out that doing so will make her a liar and a deceiver?
Is honesty harsh? Sheez!
Since when did it become socially reprehensible to speak one's mind with integrity? Especially on topics that don't just touch on ethics but are steeped in ethics would I reserve the right to speak openly and directly without a need to couch my words in politically correct terms. If someone asks me to help them lie and deceive and then forbids me from encouraging honesty, you're damned right I'm gonna open both barrels.
And why should anyone feel bad about doing so? Is this what humanity sinks to as a result of being "sensitive"? I think I regarded as a pretty sensitive person, but when it comes to ethics I possess them and don't mind making it known.
For my part I repeatedly assured her that it is entirely her choice whether she chooses to lie and deceive her parents. I even gave her some pointers on how to do it successfully. But I also made clear that it islying and deceiving and there is no way to honestly sugarcoat that fact to make the pill easier to swallow.
Honest adults who are asked a question they don't want to answer inform other adults that they don't want to answer. That is what honest adults do. Dishonest adults lie and deceive.
Would someone please clarify for me how such direct statements should be kindly flavored out of consideration for ... anyone? Has it come to the place where we can't even speak unarguable truth to one another? Not one single person has yet even attempted to argue that the actions she asked for help with are anything other than lying or deceiving.
It's true of people who are still living at home, people who are trying to keep their spouses (I personally know that the conscience of one such ex-JW is ripped up over presenting even a slightly false face), or in any other situation or walk of life. I call it lying and deceiving because ... none of you can offer any better language part by which I can refer to it.
If she doesn't actively convince her parents that she is going to meetings (deceive her parents), will they cut her off? She hasn't said that would happen. She is simply preparing for the inevitable questions. It is none of their business unless she decides to make it so. Anyone got a counterargument to that reality of adult life (JW or otherwise)?
But, if she proactively deceives them (instead of choosing respectful silence on the issue) she is only making the eventual discovery that much more painful for her family. Anyone disagree?
Additionally, she isn't buying herself anything that silence would not also buy. Silence has the added advantage of not lacking honesty, a source of warranted self-respect. Anyone disagree?
Where is it written that questions asked of us require an answer? She's an adult. She isn't bound to her parent's will any longer. She can shut up about whatever she pleases and let them come to their own conclusions about her. But she wants to actively engage in deceit and pretend it is something else and, somehow, anyone who calls it what it is must be perceived as being overly harsh.
Bullshit.
That said, the whole "is she legit" debate is infantile in the extreme. I say so because it doesn't matter whether or not she is legitimately an ex-JW poster. Her questions are some that other departing JWs might have and our answers to her paint a picture for lurkers of what ex-JWs are.
Well, what are we? Can we at least agree that we are not people who pretend that dishonesty is something other than dishonesty, whatever the context and whatever the motivations?
Have I lied or deceived? Yep. Will I do so again? Probably, but it won't ever be a part of my character and I will never do it without shame at myself. Will I have to live with the consequences? Every time. Will I try and pretend it was something other than what it was?
Never.
