HELP! Trying to convince my parents I am going to meetings!

by stillAwitness 106 Replies latest jw friends

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  minimus

  Bikerchic, double wink, I agree with what you're not saying!!
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  stillAwitness

  "Blondie Said : "Aren't you worried what your mother will say when she finds out you are "living with" your boyfriend?" StillA Said: I neverthought about that Blondie. Liquid Sky Said: Are you kidding me???? You've never, ever, thought about what mommy and daddy might say if you moved in your boyfreind??? You're delusional. I don't understand why you even come here asking for advice. " Actually, I did think about that statement after it was asked last night and if you must know i came to the decision that if they were to find out then so be it. I am 23 now and me risking D"F will be the price I will have to pay to live my life as happily as possible. So eh!
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  stillAwitness

  I notice that most of the older ones have seemed to forgotten exactly how hard it is to steer away from this religion especially when its all you've known your whole life. I made the steps to move out on my own and try to find my own identiy but at the same time call me crazy-I love my family and wish not to lose them. Its quite a double standard because there are plenty of husbands and wives who have still not told their mates there true feelings about their "apostate" beliefs and yet when it comes to a young person not revealing their ideas and concerns to their parents suddenly we are "liars" and "deceivers" My generation is just automatically looked at differently.
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  blondie

  stilla, some of us "older" ones spent all our young years and many of our older years attached to the WTS. In my case more than twice your age. Your situation is not the same as with those who have marriage mates who don't know their feelings about the WTS. You no longer live under the same roof and that is the expectation with children; they get older they move out and make plans that do not include the parents or need their input or approval. That is not the expectation with marriage mates, the expectation is they stay under the same roof, make plans together.

  The moving out, switching congregations, is usually meant only to give time to get your life in order, not dependent on your parents financially, make new friends, etc. Eventually, since you live in the same area, they will find out that you are not going to meetings. Eventually, they will want to visit where you live.

  Blondie
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  mrsjones5

  I notice that most of the older ones have seemed to forgotten exactly how hard it is to steer away from this religion especially when its all you've known your whole life.

  Actually I think you've go that wrong.

  Us older ones (dang am I that old?!) are thinking back on our own experiences (when we were as young as you, which wasn't that long ago) with our parents and the jws when we tell you to be honest about what you are doing with your life when talking to your parents. Now that is a running sentence lol.

  It's called wisdom dear and that's all we are tryng to impart to you.

  Josie
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  sammielee24

  I say - do what you must - handle your affairs in the way that best meets your needs. I understand your desire to keep your family close and you have some important decisions to make in your life but you'll make them in the way that works. sammieswife.I
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  Finally-Free

  I notice that most of the older ones have seemed to forgotten exactly how hard it is to steer away from this religion especially when its all you've known your whole life. I made the steps to move out on my own and try to find my own identiy but at the same time call me crazy-I love my family and wish not to lose them. Its quite a double standard because there are plenty of husbands and wives who have still not told their mates there true feelings about their "apostate" beliefs and yet when it comes to a young person not revealing their ideas and concerns to their parents suddenly we are "liars" and "deceivers" My generation is just automatically looked at differently.

  Don't give us that whiny bullshit. Many here were trapped in the cult longer than you've been alive. Many have lost children as well as parents, siblings and friends. Many, because of cult teachings, put their lives on hold because of their beliefs, making it impossible to have a family, and now have nothing to look forward to beyond dying alone, unloved and unmourned. Don't you dare pretend that your suffering outweighs anyone elses. You should consider yourself lucky that you're young enough to build a life for yourself. Many of these "older ones" you speak of see nothing but their losses, and no hope of retrieval. We may have left the cult, but we have higher principles than most JW cultists. If you are looking for someone to help you become a better liar this is probably not the best place to look. W
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  reneeisorym

  I tried to "live a double life" too. It seems that I was seen by a girl I went to high school with at a bar who told a guy in another KH who told my parents.... Its s small world.

  I know that when I finally DAed, it was the best thing I ever did. I never imagined it would be so great. I thought I would be depressed and lonely. It turned out instead that the first fresh breath I took of freedom was the best feeling I have ever had.
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  AuldSoul

  stillAwitness,

  stillAwitness: I notice that most of the older ones have seemed to forgotten exactly how hard it is to steer away from this religion especially when its all you've known your whole life.

  That isn't true of me ... I was raised a JW and was considered one for 33 years, baptized for 21 years. Four generations of JWs on both sides of my family, almost all of my extended family are JWs and most live nearby.

  I disassociated myself one year ago as of December 22, 2007. My father was the PO of the BOE that I delivered the letter to. My wife is still a JW and I "kept her in the dark" (so to speak) only for so long as I was figuring out what I believed and didn't believe. Not even quite that long; she knew as soon as I started genuinely having doubts. As soon as I made my choice, she knew. I consider that to be honesty and fair dealing.

  Since the basis you seem to be using to disregard sound advice that ran contrary to what you wanted to read doesn't apply to me, may I assume that means that my words will carry more weight?

  I have not forgotten, so you can't really use that excuse to disregard my advice.

  stillAwitness: I love my family and wish not to lose them.

  Selfishness again. Don't get me wrong, it isn't selfish to love your family. It also isn't selfish to want to avoid losing them. It is selfish for you not to even give your family the opportunity to love you while you preserve the right to love them. If you don't know what I mean then maybe it hasn't occurred to you that they can't choose to love you unless they know you, and you are intending to keep them from knowing you.

  People who pretend they believe what they do not believe are liars. People who try to get others to accept falsehoods as truth are deceivers. You don't strike me as lacking education, so you probably recognize that these labels apply perfectly to your request; so what is it exactly you disagree with about these two assertions?

  stillAwitness: yet when it comes to a young person not revealing their ideas and concerns to their parents suddenly we are "liars" and "deceivers"

  If you have doubts, stillAwitness, your actions don't indicate it. You have made lots of life choices, and some rather dramatic ones, if you merely have doubts. You either don't believe JWs have the truth or you don't really care, otherwise you would not be living with your boyfriend. You aren't a liar or a deceiver for not revealing your ideas and concerns, you would only be a liar for telling them things that aren't true and you would only be a deceiver for trying to get them to believe things that aren't true (about you or anything else).

  In other words, in your first post on this thread you asked us to help you lie and deceive. Can you think of a way to put what you requested help with that would exclude "lie" or "deceive"?

  stillAwitness: My generation is just automatically looked at differently.

  Please spare us all the "my generation" angst. If you mean that representatives of your generation are viewed as dishonest when they intentionally behave dishonestly, the same goes for every generation in my eyes.

  I know 60-year-old liars and deceivers and I know 4-year-old liars and deceievers. Your "generation" has its share of them, too. Whether you add yourself to that group is no one's decision but your own. You have a choice, growing up is filled with them, life is never without them until death.

  Silence is not a lie. Telling your parents that you don't want to answer their questions and that you hope they will respect your privacy is not a lie. Telling your parents you are attending JW meetings when you aren't attending JW meetings is a lie. Perpetuating it makes you a liar. It is your choice, but please don't pretend to us (the people you asked to help you create a lie) that you aren't a liar if you make the choice to lie intentionally.

  AuldSoul
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  LittleToe

  Stilla:
  I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you're legit. At worst it may be potential assistance to lurkers, and I'm not averse to getting a little eggnog on my face

  perhaps I should just have my card sent to a congregation that isn't anywhere near the actual city I live in. Show up for a couple meetings and then fade.

  That sounds like a plan to buy you a few more months, if you can pull it off. You'll eventually have to face the music, but it may buy you a little more breathing space to "find yourself". Some people need that, while others can just walk away.

  I notice that most of the older ones have seemed to forgotten exactly how hard it is to steer away from this religion especially when its all you've known your whole life.

  I agree. I sometimes have to wonder why people forget their roots and the kind of quandries and phases they went through in exiting the WTS. Compassion seems so short for so many, though the cold-text online medium exacerbates that feeling. Sometimes it appears that there is a hinterland where personal adulthood may have been gained, but tolerance for children has not. IMHO the realities of a new life are hard enough, without adding to the knocks.