I am beyond tired and sad, this has nothing to do with shunning, or throwing them out. My heart hurts but I know I must stand firm.
r.
Tough love with full grown kids, I am so tired.
by restrangled 38 Replies latest jw friends
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fullofdoubtnow
((((((((((((((restrangled))))))))))))))
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Mulan
I don't know what your situation is, but we practiced tough love on our second son 20 years ago.
It didn't work. Love worked. Unconditional love. When he knew he had the love and support of his family, he had the incentive to straighten his life out, and he did just that.
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kls
Boy do i hear you and know just how you feel . Like the saying goes"lt's like beating a dead horse" with kids.
((((((((((( HUGS))))))) and a pat on the back that you are doing a great job and one of the toughest jobs there is .
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purplesofa
I am beyond tired and sad, this has nothing to do with shunning, or throwing them out. My heart hurts but I know I must stand firm.
I have gone through this myself. Day after day, being drainded more and more. I don't know what your circumstances are, but I do know that when something is over our ability to understand or help or cope, it becomes draining to us. Its hard to seperate the problem from the person that we know and love that is inside.
I found that letting go..........not the person that I love, but the constant worry and responsiblity I had hanging over my head to give me relief. I had to learn how to keep communication open and love flowing, when sometimes deep inside I wanted to all my hurts and pain to go away and I felt like that meant my child going away was best.
Fortunately, my daughter has befriended someone that is helping her. And I had to look deeper inside myself, it was humbling, and let this stranger in my life to still be able to continue to keep my daughter in mine. By letting go of something(I don't know what it was) I gained a greater, deeper bond with my child.
By doing this ...........the constant sadness is subsiding. And slowly the energy that has been tapped out of me is being restored. I am reading alot of selfhelp books.......learning how to take better care of me, loving myself at a different level, which inturn I am loving my daughter more deeply.
As witnesses, we are taught to distance ourselves from behaviour that is considered bad. Thats ok, till it comes from someone you love as you do your child.
Feel the pain, as I am sure whatever you are going through is painful, and validate that being tired is part of the constant love you have been pouring out to your child. But now get yourself recharged, retreat, and come out with more to give. What you will have learned from the hardship is invaluable.
purps
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codeblue
Not really knowing what all is going on...I just want to say "I am sorry" you are tired.
Parenting is one of the toughest jobs. Lately I have wished I never had kids because they aren't honoring me.
Hang in there and know you are loved and cared for here
Codeblue
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LittleToe
Sometimes "respite" can be invaluable in all sorts of areas of life. From caring to ailing relatives through to contributing to a discussion Board.
{{{hugs}}}
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JWdaughter
I am sorry for your sadness right now. I am feeling very empathetic. Labor is NOTHING compared to being a parent, huh? (Don't let that get out!)
Shelly-parent of 3, 2 teenagers, tired.
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restrangled
My beloved older son will be 23 in June. He is at home now with parents paying for college. He had a good car, with 30,000 miles that I bought from my mother and gave to him. While on his own he put on another 30,000
When he came home, he decided he did not want to drive a "grandma" car after seeing what my husband and I were driving along with his little brother. He sold it and promptly took over my husband's Ford F150 that we bought last year and are still making payments on.
We were willing to make this sacrafice as long as he was getting good grades and being greatful, respectful, and contributing to the household as far as keeping is room clean, taking out trash etc.
Slowly but surely he has developed an attitude that I would only describe as entitled. He met a new girl and spends many nights with her. .... My husband has set up accounts for him to start his own business on the internet and he didn't like the domain names. So he stormed out with my husband's truck......this was tonight's scenerio and as far as I am concerned the last straw and I called him and told him to deliver the vehicle back to us promptly.....thats it.
We will help him find a new vehicle, but will not pay or contribute to the cost as, he has gone through 4 vehicles that we have given him since age 17.
We just paid medical bills for him, have always paid his gas, fast food purchases etc......He at this point said "I'm moving out in 2 days." My husband is out now looking for a vehicle for him while he sits in his room pouting.
Its over, its all over ..........As parents we are exhausted. This is a simplified version of everything and we are by no means without fault here, but we are both almost 50 and would like some peace..
r.
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Mulan
Yikes, you have been enabling him.....................but I'm sure you realize that.
He very badly needs to grow up. We raised 4 teenagers (that time of their life does seem to stand out) and survived. You will too, and so will your son.
Deep breaths now!!