Not talking about JW stuff has the opposite effect - regression phase

by truthseeker 39 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  truthseeker

  I decided to take the advice of some of you here when I wrote about my situation.

  I am married, but my wife is a die hard witness. Despite me showing her mountains of evidence and her actually accepting it, she is regressing back into JW think.

  This has happened since I stopped mentioning anything anti-JW.

  Now she thinks that my problems with JW's were just a phase because I am not bringing up the issue anymore.

  I really want to leave this religion, but I can't do that without losing her.

  Many here I know are trapped and some are still serving as elders. I don't know HOW you do it, but I guess routine is routine. I miss most meetings and maybe go out in service once a month to keep the elders off my back.

  Any advice?
• 

  J-ex-W

  ...Do you think you could, maybe, continue not 'bringing it up' (not ruffle feathers when there's no immediate need), but do respond to the subject when it comes up on its own? Make a point to make a stand or make your thought on it known as a situation arises? --I'm not in your situation, so I don't know what would or would not be feasible. But I'm thinking at least this way she will know that your mindset is still the same--you just don't feel a need to follow her around the house with it all the time.
• 

  truthseeker

  I do that, but I have to bite my tongue when it comes to the blood issue or counting field service time. Sometimes, she will bring up issues and I feel I can't say how I feel.
• 

  moshe

  Some are lucky and have spouses that listen and see the WT for what it really is. The rest get a divorce in the end. My ex-wife eventually left about 10 years after divorcing me. Do you think she has ever admitted that I was right after all?- nah! Did you try marrige counseling? How did it work out?
• 

  V

  I am in the exact same situation.

  I have found great success pointing out minor things that I know will challenge my wife's view of the organisation.

  Such as the recent articles of headship in the January 15, 2007 Watchtower (cover articles and Questions from Readers, page 31). All I have to do is point at a particular sentence and let her take it from there.

  Also, any reference to the judgement of David's or Soloman's sins, such as featured in a recent WT study. Just lean over and finger a sentence during the meeting--then let it sink in.

  You will be pointing the way, but her mind and intelligence has to do the deconstruction.
• 

  new boy

  If she is smart you can save her....................................if she is a true dumb................You will end up like me 27 years wasted!
• 

  Balsam

  I'm with new boy, depends on dumb she has made herself. It is hard to ignore a mountain of evidence when it is so clear the WTS is just bogus. I feel for you. I had to leave my JW husband he was just too dumb to see it even after he let our son die by refusing blood for him after an auto accident. It ended a 30 year marriage.

  Tough call, and the hard part is you can't speak up without freaking her out. Can't be honest with her and that breaks down a relationship quicker than anything. I wish I had some suggestions but it is really up to your wife and no matter how you handle it will still be her choice.

  Ruth
• 

  willyloman

  The Bible's advice works pretty well here: Win her over without a word... by your good example.

  That means be happy, be strong, grow, learn, and express your joy at your new-found freedom to think for yourself. It's contagious.
• 

  carla

  I know just how you feel, you can't win or so it seems sometimes. If you do the jw conversation it turns to arguments (to put it mildly). Or if you decide to take a break from all the jw crap the jw thinks everything is hunkydory and merrily they go to the meetings. Even though the org is a huge elephant in every aspect of your life, it's ALWAYS there no matter what. The non jw would like for it to not be but the org has such a hold on the jw it is prevalent no matter what you do. Got a funny joke? hmm, the jw might find offense to that, nope, can't bring that up. Read a good book? hmm, no there were some objectionable parts in there, can't discuss that. New movie coming out? no, can't see that either, yes it's only pg13 but there's that part that........ See the news? hmm, if I bring that up that will just prove that the end is near, people are getting worse, governments....... etc.... etc...etc.... Makes you want to scream sometimes doesn't it?
• 

  Tyrone van leyen

  What's it all worth if you are considered second in place of an undying fanatical love for the organization. If I really loved her I would try, but I realized who and what comes first in my family, and I ain't it. You may find your jouney in life severly inhibited in this atmosphere if you are not going in the same direction. Drop hints, feel the situation out. Understand she may have more invested than you. I tend to agree that if you are not affected by the religion and still carry on happy and sucessful it should seriously negate the veiw she has on it's relevance and impotance in everyday life.