Not talking about JW stuff has the opposite effect - regression phase

by truthseeker 39 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  wannaexit

  if she is a true dumb................

  Sorry, I take offence to this.

  Give your wife time.

  If it is any consolation. I was such a loyal dub. Everything was by the book. And yet after years I was able to see the light.

  My husband knew years in advance but he picked away, pointing this out and pointing that out. Chipping away a little at a time. Planting little seeds. Eventually the brain starts working again and I started to see clearly for myself.

  If you really love her don't give up.

  I know how hard it was for my husband. I am so grateful that he didn't quickly throw our marriage out the window but had the patience to wait until I saw too.

  If you feel like reading more about our experience and how my husband successfully helped me out PM me and I will fill you in on more details.
• 

  Honesty

  If she is smart you can save her....................................if she is a true dumb................You will end up like me 27 years wasted! new boy

  I wasted 10 years with mine and..... she knows it is all a LIE. She thinks family and friends are too much to lose. Conditional family and friends.... can they really be trusted?
• 

  Scully

  The WTS has given all you fading gentlemen who have devout JW wives a superb gift in the February 15, 2007 Watchtower.

  see scans here: http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/126777/1.ashx

  A good strategy is to express dismay at the archaic and draconian view of women that the WTS puts forth in this article, and wonder aloud how do they think they can get away with that crap in the 21st century, where the vast majority of people view women as equals in so many other realms.

  Ask them how they feel about the implications of having the Elders™ being allowed to "lord it over" them should she ever have a disagreement with her husband.

  Ask them how they feel about uneducated janitors and window washers being given licence to dictate what their personal conscience should be in matters of medical decision making, such as accepting blood fractions/products or what method of birth control she should use, or what the length of her hemline should be.

  This is a beautiful article, if played correctly, to generate a lot of female dissent. In a group with almost 70% female membership, I'm surprised that there haven't been any lynchings of GB members yet.
• 

  GetBusyLiving

  Have you tried talking about the blood ban with her? How does she manage to get around that?

  GBL
• 

  kid-A

  Sometimes you're damned if you do and damned if you dont. If you had been continually talking about your problems with the borg, the consequences may have been even worse in terms of causing friction between you. At the same time, not talking about it appears to be inducing a false sense of security in her wherein she may actually believe you have abandoned your doubts.

  I think you need to find a middle ground. Definitely dont attend or participate in any borg activities, and do bring up discussion points about the falsehoods of the watchtower but in an extremely diplomatic way. It seems like an impossible road you are on, but there are posters on this board that have successfully brought loved ones out. Its one of the most difficult things you will ever attempt, but the potential rewards are too important to risk losing. Try to guide her through a "gradual" withdrawal while carefully sowing doubts in her own mind. Hang in there.
• 

  becca1

  Some good advice here. I like Gill's the best, and she speaks from first hand experience. I like willyoman's post too.

  I think you should continue being a wonderful husband but don't go to meetings or field service as a way of taking your stand. When they ask about you, she can say you didn't feel up to going, or "it's a personal thing"...

  I wish you the best.
• 

  truthseeker

  Thanks all.

  Here's some more info.

  My wife doesn't like the idea of me having blood transfusions - now I told her, if everything else failed, inc. all alternative therapies, I will have one.

  I said Jehovah is a happy God, why would he want you to die? Did not God intervene in the case of those resurrected by the prophets, Elijah and Elisha? Doesn't that show that death is unnatural to God?

  She won't even consider blood fractions to save her life, so naturally, you can imagine which check box she ticked on the blood form.

  As for therapy, it won't work, because we are fairly happy with each other - the only problem comes from religion.

  She will not defend them, is not open to discussion about any JW topic and will shut her ears.

  I can't immediately stop going, because there will be immediate repercussions - I am not a MS, just a reg. pub but I am asked to read at the book study.

  I don't have any real excuse right now that will stop the elders from harassing my wife if I leave. It makes me wish I could move away.

  I will take the advice given, thanks everyone, it's so difficult.
• 

  truthseeker

  Kid-A

  Never a truer word was spoken...

  Sometimes you're damned if you do and damned if you dont. If you had been continually talking about your problems with the borg, the consequences may have been even worse in terms of causing friction between you. At the same time, not talking about it appears to be inducing a false sense of security in her wherein she may actually believe you have abandoned your doubts.
• 

  gcc2k

  Truthseeker, I have been, and still am in your shoes. It's tough. Therapy may help, maybe not. Remember that she will confide in the elders, not as a tattletale, but seeking advice. They will pounce on anything they see as apostacy and come ask you "the two questions". Whether you can level with her about your feelings is up to you, but it's important to save your marriage. Don't continue doing things for her, do them for yourself. It's only prolonging the pain, IMO.
• 

  carla

  I don't get the whole 'they will harrass her' thing. She's a big girl, this is the choice she is making. Just like when they shun people and tell them it was their choice to be shunned. I hope they give my jw a hard time, I hope they harrass him every damn meeting! Maybe then he will see how assinine it all is. I don't care if they know about my apostate literature deliveries. They already have enough of a hold on my life via my husband I refuse to feel sorry for him and his intellectual laziness.