Some four years ago, I handed in my last report in the KH. I had been serving as an elder for a decade, was baptized at 15. My wife and I left the witnesses at the same time, though for different reasons. She wanted a normal life, I left mostly for doctrinal/organizational reasons. Both wanted our children to have a more mainstream life than the Witnesses frame could offer. In time, my wife and I got separated. We will be divorced in a few weeks. However, we are the best of friends. The process of leaving the witnesses, in way paved way for me coming out of the closet as being gay. I did, however, never lead a double life and thus could face my family with a clean conscience, in order to use a witness phrase. Now, I have a boyfriend, who I love very much and he supports me. I also have fellow coworkers who are helpful, and actually some ex-witnesses and "Late Bloomer"-gays that are also supportive. So things will work out fine. My (ex)wife and I will hand in a dual "resignation" letter to the congo today, just stating that we want to inform them that we no loner acknowledge ourselves as members of the congregation. The reason: After four years of no activity whatsoever (no meetings etc) suddenly two elders came to the door of my ex-wife, wanting to know if it iwas true that she had christmas lights in the window... Reportedly some witnesses had seen it, and were disturbed. They stated they regarded us as brothers and sisters. (Oddly enoyugh, my immediate family and all other friends/acquaintances etc view it otherwise). In order to avoid further complications, I did contact the elder and had a calm respectful conversation with him making it clear that we did object to such interference in our private lives, although stated in very polite terms. Today,. five days later, I hand in our letter. Yesterday I told my parents and sisters that we did this. My sisters broke down in tears, but still making it clear they choose "Jehovah" and abide to the bible. And we all know what that implies: shunning. However, I do love them and want them all the best. My door is never closed. (((( HUGS )))))
My journey is reaching another level
by InquiryMan 51 Replies latest jw experiences
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exjdub
Congratulations InquiryMan, it sounds like you are in a good place now. It is also nice that you and your wife were able to part as friends and I think the way you handled things was well done. How are the kids doing? Are they coping with the divorce and your emergence OK? If that is too personal, please disregard the question.
exjdub
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agapa37
Congratulations InquiryMan, it sounds like you are in a good place now.
[sigh] It doesn't sound like he is in a good place to me. Divorce-Homosexuallity. I am by no means prejudice, however those two things are looked down apon by God and bring untold misery.
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Smiles_Smiles
WOW!
I applaud your courage!! I wish you peace and love.
Smiles & Hugs
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SixofNine
"however those two things are looked down apon by God"
Where did you get that crazy notion? Those two thing are most certainly NOT looked down upon by God.
Glad you're finding your way, InquiryMan.
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exjdub
[sigh] It doesn't sound like he is in a good place to me. Divorce-Homosexuallity. I am by no means prejudice, however those two things are looked down apon by God and bring untold misery.
Sorry Agapa, but I have to disagree. Would you rather have someone live a lie and be untrue to themselves? Think for a moment what would have happened if InquiryMan had stayed married. Eventually he would have sought out his nature and would have devestated his wife. Rather than do that he took the high road, came to terms with who he is, stayed good friends with his wife and is living a life that is fulfilling.
If you can set aside the small box of thought that Christianity provides for a moment, you might be able to see that people do not always fit the mold that you would like them in. I also would like to add that the majority of people in the U.S. say they are Christians, however the divorce rate is past the 50% mark. Sounds like the Christians aren't able to keep marriages intact any more than any other group of people. I understand where you are coming from due to your Christian beliefs, however I have decided to not narrow down my focus anymore. The world is a rich and beautiful place filled with all different types of people. Is there not enough room for homosexuals in your world?
exjdub
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Narkissos
Congrats InquiryMan,
You seem to have found a beautiful way of handling a tough situation.
Best wishes.
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InquiryMan
Thanks a lot for your input. It really made my day! Our kids are handling things nicely. They have met my boyfriend and also the boyfriend of my wife. They are confident and feel secure. It was tough though, to tell that I was gay to my teenage son. He reacted very maturely, stating that everybody has the right to live the life that is fulfilling to them. It made me feel very proud to have raised such a non-judgmental son! The smaller ones (aged 11 and 9), also reacted well. In fact the 11-year old said that: Wow, I´ll might end up having three dads. That was his initial reaction... My daughter has made drawings to both the new adult persons in their lives. So viewing everything, it seems that things have worked out well so far. And I am pretty confident things well be nice in the future too!
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Terry
Both wanted our children to have a more mainstream life than the Witnesses frame could offer.
Kudos for trying, but; this is much more difficult than you might think!
Mainstream lives stem from mainstream values. As a JW your values have been registry-tampered!
For one thing, you'll have an immediate sense of distance from everybody and everything previously labeled as "worldly" whether you want to feel that way or not.
The "square peg in a round hole" feeling isn't easy to eliminate.
You will feel like an imposter. It is a hard row to hoe.
When ordinary everyday people use religious words and phrases in your presence there will be a disconnect and a feeling of alienation. Orthodoxy in "mainstream" life is every bit as rigid as in the Kingdom Hall but it comes from a different source than Brooklyn, NY.
You'll find it ever so difficult to plunge in with total abandon to religious rituals that you know to be silly and inauthentic historically. There will be a "second think" delay in all your evaluations.
How can you deal with this?
Each of us is different certainly. But, for myself; I found I had to take each and every concept in my brain and examine it for hidden definitions tainted by Watchtower-think.
Take the word "Truth", as a specific example. In the Kingdom Hall the "Truth" is what is put on your plate served up from the Watchtower kitchen with no complaints and no questions asked. It differs contrarily (on purpose) with mainstream thought and values. It was swallowed whole daily for many years and has invaded every cell in our brain and body! You are what you eat. You've eaten the "Truth" and you are made out of it! The fact that this "Truth" is contrived and artificial and tainted by an ideology of thought control doesn't make it any easier to free yourself from BEING what it made you into.
You are an individual--you were able to preserve your rational mind; so, this shedding process will be easier for you than most. But, it won't be easy as time and again you stumble over yourself and wonder why.
Until and unless you replace EACH AND EVERY DEFINITION which concerns values and conceptual groupings your logic will be a broken watch that simply won't tell the correct time.
I would suggest attacking the main bulwark of religious fantasy life: the Bible as an "inspired" document by reading Bart Ehrman's MISQUOTING JESUS for a start. Then, examine how the bible canon was produced. Examine what early Christianity REALLY was; a mishmash of competing opinions, factions and bullies.
Once you discover that the bible has been misrepresented as the foundation of divine data you'll be stuck with that reality. It will never allow you to join a church and smile agreeably when people get all squishy and flutter-eyed over their belief systems and scripture quoting pastors.
Your desire to be "mainstream" is illusory at worst and downright difficult at best.
I wish you well.
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What-A-Coincidence
CONGRATS ON YOUR FREEDOM!!!!
Peace!