I know what you mean, nicolau. When I was trying to "keep the lines of communication open" and visited my JW family, it always seemed like the "pink elephant in the room" was being ignored; it made everything strained and weird and shallow; and my family always treated me as the problem; they could never allow the possibility that they had the biggest problem - being in a cult religion that made them rigid and that ultimately maintained the total lack of depth or intimacy in our relationships.
Have you put your JW family behind you? Are you content with your decision
by nicolaou 39 Replies latest social family
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Fleshybirdfodder
The relationship we had that was based on JWism was just that
I returned after leaving initally simply to have the comfort of a relationship with my mother, and put up with a lot of emotional garbage and humiliation from the congregation. I rarely see my mother anymore (even though I'm not officially DF'd or DA'd) but when I do it is just as Madame Quixote said, there is a huge "pink elephant" in the room, and I can't bare to see the self righteous "pity" in her eyes. It's too emotionally taxing to do the eggshell dance around her. I also can't stand listening ad naseum to how loving and amazing the society is, without being given the same respect in having freedom to talk about DF'd relatives that I care about. It bothers me, I was a mama's boy at one point, but the hypocrisy and general ridiculousness of the situation bothers me even more.
FBF
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avidbiblereader
I am content with my descision and especially as time goes on and I feel and know that I am closer to God and Christ but there are some that I do miss. There were some real nice people and not all of them were the typical condemning witness but rather loving and very sincere. i really miss my one good friend and elder who I traveled alot with, a REALLY good man, very humble and loving.
Just like the song says "Anybody hear from my ole friend John, can you tell me where he's gone?"
abr
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Sunspot
I purposely have NO contact with JW friends, relatives or acquaintances---first it was their decision, now it is mine.
I have no desire to grovel or be reminded of what bad association I am (did nothing scripturally wrong when I left, but found out just how much I had been duped and lied to and DAed myself) and it has been MUCH easier on me this way.
I have met and developed friendships with so many wonderful and truly warm and loving people, who are not watching my every move like a hawk or measuring my spirituality. It is quite refreshing and I wished I had done this a long time ago!
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Gretchen956
My family was abusive WHILE I was in, and after I was out, (initially) the emotional blackmail began. Because of the way I left they didn't immediately start to shun me, but when they realized that I had a female partner they decided that I was the devil and cut me off quickly. After they quit talking to me I couldn't for awhile figure out why I felt so free and relieved about it instead of sad. I am happy to say that I have found other family that is dearer to me than those that cast me out, and have proven over and over that they love me no matter what.
So, yes, I have, though they began it, I embraced it. No, I don't feel sad about it, its their loss. But tomorrow, if my parents and some of my family found out conclusively that the WTS was full of bunk, they would STILL be uneducated, passive aggressive, angry people. Never say never, but I sure can't think of a scenario where we could ever get along.
Sherry
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Sunspot
Never say never, but I sure can't think of a scenario where we could ever get along.
Sherry, I didn't know exactly how to word this without it sounding bitter.....but you summed it up beautifully! We ARE different people with different feelings, views and beliefs, regardless of WTS influence or not.
What one particular member of my family has done, said, and deliberately put me through went FAR beyond "religious" misunderstandings. Thankfully, it has become obvious to others now (after many years) that this person has been proven to be dishonest and very insincere.
The outright lies on things that NEVER occurred, and sneakiness concerning money matters, have been quite surprising considering being the so-called "honesty and integrity" that JWs are supposed to have. Strangers are more trustworthy than THIS particular pioneer and pillar of the JW community is.
hugs,
Annie
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Number 6
I left the Watchtower in early 1991 at 21 years old (just faded) and for the next 13 year walked the tightrope of trying to live my life and maintain a relationship with my JW zealot mother and stepfather.
The line was crossed when i found out in late 2004 they had been talking to my oldest daughet then 10 about 'the truth' after my express instructions not to. It destroyed the fragile truce as they would not give me their assurance it would never happen again.
They disrespected my wishes and like Gary Buss says they only ever do that once. I walked away and never looked back.
And what? My life is so much simpler now that they arent a problem to 'deal with'. Always treading carefully in case they offend us or us them.
But really its their choice things are the way they are. They chose to place a religious organisation ahead of their own flesh and blood. The loss is entirely theirs. In reality i lost my mother in 1974 when she joined that cult.
Sometimes you got to bury people before their dead.
Craig
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garybuss
There's a natural animosity between children and parents and there's an automatic love and trust between grandchildren and grandparents. That's why grandparents who are Witnesses are so dangerous. The children will go with the grandparents and shun the parents as soon as they are done allowing the parents to pay their medical bills and school loans.
I'd never give Witnesses access to minor children again. -
XU
Yay! I did. I resisted for as long as I could (9 years) because I didn't want to be the one that cut it off because it seems so mean. However, I did cut it off because it was the most toxic relationship I had and I couldn't justify it any longer. I didn't think I would feel better. But I felt relief and now I am happier than ever! You inner self appreciates it when you treat yourself respectfully, and that includes how you allow others to treat you. Good luck. And despite what the black and white world of witnesses tries to say, you can always change your mind down the road.
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Scully
All the rejection, judgementalism and condescension gets a bit much after a while.
Despite my JW family members' bleating about how important "family" is to them, they have used what should be "family" occasions to reinforce their religious prejudices against me and Mr Scully.
When my JW family members behave like "family", and treat me with dignity and respect, and include me in "family" news, they get the same from me. When they act like bigoted jerks, they get the "I wonder if Jesus would be as much of an @$$hole as you" treatment. It works for me.
They are the ones who drew the line in the sand and started pissing on us from the opposite side of it. They should not be the least bit surprised if they get pissy sand back in their faces.