What is marital rape?

by Lady Lee 49 Replies latest social family

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  Lady Lee

  J-ex-W

  I think a really big part of the problem is that many JWs do not even have the words to describe what abuse is. WT teachings are very clear about subjection. I know I would never have found the words to describe how this sexual abuse made me feel.

  So for those who aren't sure what abuse is and how it makes a person feel I will get a little more clear.

  Sexual abuse is when his wants and needs come before your own.

  • He feels like it but you don't.Living with him when you say no and he is miserable to live with until he gets what he wants.
  • When he starts showing you scriptures to prove you are sinning when you won't say yes whenever he wants it.
  • Giving in to sexual acts that you don't want and are not WT approved (oral and anal sex or group sex, forced to watch pornography that makes you feel ill but he insists on).

  It makes you feel

  • dirty/unclean
  • used
  • alone
  • unloved/uncared for
  • bad/sinful (due to WT teachings)

  Going to the elders usually will do nothing exept have them tell you that you need to be in subjection and provide the marital due.

  You are not trapped. There is help available. It is outside of the WTS. It takes strength and the knowledge that you do not deserve to be treated this way.

  You may have to give up a lot of things, home, family, friends. But the gain is your peace of mind, your well-being, your sanity. It's hard but believe me, it is worth it
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  J-ex-W

  But the gain is your peace of mind, your well-being, your sanity. It's hard but believe me, it is worth it

  What Lady Lee said here is SO true!!! As much of difficult challenges as I'm dealing with now...it is nothing compared to when I was living with him. Like I told my son when he demanded I apologize for leaving his dad: I can't say I'm sorry for leaving him. I can't. I'm not sorry! I'm not sorry for leaving that man.
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  lonelysheep

  Thanks, Lady Lee.
  
  This reminds me of an argument I had with my dad when I was a teen. He screamed at me telling me that it is impossible for a man to rape his wife. (wtf face) <----This was me.
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  Lady Lee

  Gill

  I don't think this attitude has to be prevalent in fundamentalist religions. There are plenty of men out there who have nothing to do with religion that think the same way. I think the only difference is the ones who are religious use that religion to support thier actions

  (((ButtLight)))

  Until it happened to me. I couldnt believe he went through with it, with tears pooring down my face, but he did!

  I've been thought the tears too and he didn't stop. He said he was sorry later but it didn't stop him from doing what he wanted the next time

  And how do you ever look at them the same? Give my "due" after that? Its like kissing a can of worms!

  You can't. Any respect or love is gone. In my case the love was never there due to it being an arranged marriage but the respect was definitely gone. You can't possibly love someone who has destroyed your trust.

  In my case he was an elder. Everyone looked up to him. People would tell me they wanted a marriage just like mine. I created the illusion of the good little dub family. No one would have guessed what went on behind closed doors.
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  Lady Lee

  J-ex-W

  I'm not sorry either. My youngest sort of hinted that he would still take me back. Both have always maintained that he still loves me

  I made it clear to her that I would never go back. Even if he left the JWs I would never go back.

  lonelysheep

  This reminds me of an argument I had with my dad when I was a teen. He screamed at me telling me that it is impossible for a man to rape his wife.

  That makes me feel sick. If he got that angry that he was screaming I have to wonder what your mother may have gone through
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  ButtLight

  I've been thought the tears too and he didn't stop. He said he was sorry later but it didn't stop him from doing what he wanted the next time

  It only happened to me once thank god. Oh yeah, he said sorry too, after he saw the bruises and burn marks between my legs where he tore off my underwear!

  He said he thought I was playing! Fighting him to get off me! WTF, ok, but when the tears come, could you not see this isnt a game?????

  It took a long time for me to trust again, a very long time. Sometimes I feel thats why I have failed in other relationships!

  I will never forgive or forget!
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  J-ex-W

  That makes me feel sick. If he got that angry that he was screaming I have to wonder what your mother may have gone through

  That was my thought exactly.
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  5go

  Part of the joy of sex for me is the fact that the other person WANTS to get down and dirty. The look in their eyes. The touch, the coyness and then the direct, DO ME NOW stare. Oh yeah, I don't want it any other way than with a very willing partner....

  God yes ! I starting to know how you feel man I got a women practically jumping me to bad she has kids. I keep her at arms length for now hehehe.
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  lonelysheep

  That makes me feel sick. If he got that angry that he was screaming I have to wonder what your mother may have gone through

  That was my thought exactly.

  Put it this way--you KNOW what she went through on top of everything else once that is being screamed at you! I never faulted her for leaving him, even before that statement.
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  Lady Lee

  I never faulted her for leaving him, even before that statement.

  Good for you. It's hard enough to walk away from a marriage and have no support.