by GoTan 40 Replies latest jw friends
Welcome,
I have the same feelings about leaving and loosing my whole family, faiding is not easy, at times I feel like a hypocrite, that I should just take a stand. But then I realize that God knows my heart and why I am staying. And we are encouraged in the bible to become all things to all people. So I agree with the others who told you to take it slow. And good luck!
RV
Hello GoTan, welcome and there is a statement a long time ago that might be appropo for you
"Haste makes waste"
Be more specific in your post and tell us some more and then listen to the other posters who have so much to offer but whatever you do go slow and don't do or say something that will make you regret your leaving.
abr
Welcome honey...take a deep breath. The more you read for yourself and REPLACE the crap they have fed you all these years, the stronger you will feel. Start, maintain and keep a low profile where talking about the JWs or their meetings or your reason for not going...are concerned. This may require that you move. You went to college...did they bug you about meeting attendance then? :) Out of sight out of mind perhaps.
My JW husband has been to only a handful of meetings in a year and that was becauise he was living with his JW sister for a couple months and she demanded that he go. The minute he came home he stopped going. He reports no time...unless of course he is lying to somebody...he doesnt go in service, he doesnt read magazines, he doesnt go to any conventions...and he shows up once a year for the Memorial. And he has managed to remain in good standing and the JWs havent been at my door asking about him.
You are deeply ensconced in this being multiple generations into it. I had a friend who was also, but when she left...suddenly all the people in her family who had their OWN doubts but were terrifed to act on them...left right behind her.
You just never know. God wants you to be true to yourself. And we were taught first and foremost, that God hates hypocrites and he reads hearts. He knows your struggle..and if your spiritual pursuit leads you AWAY from the religion you were raised in that doesnt make you a bad person...it makes you the kind of person Jesus was talking to when he said to KEEP ON SEEKING...to KEEP ON KNOCKING and it will be opened to you.
If you can avoid DAing and keep your family...fade fade fade.
Loves
welcome to the forum GoTan - you will find lots of helpful people here.
You have a difficult time ahead but it will be worth it to get out of the cult. Our situation was different from yours & in many respects, it has been a lot easier for us (husband & I). We were both in the JWs for over 30 yrs and came out together after finding about the hypocrisy etc (UN involvement started our investigating the Org.) We only have one family member still in,
We decided to send in our letter of Disassociation, but in your situation, it may be better to fade, as others have said.
If you can get your family to accept your decision, it will be a lot easier for you, and you never know, perhaps you can get them to think seriously about things too.
wishing you well - keep in touch
twinkletoes
Good for you Gotan... Best of luck in life..
Been there, did that... I have had many of the same feelings that you have - but GO SLOW!!! Allow some time to pass - you seem like you are riding on emotion right now - whatever you do - should it be the start of a fade, a disfellowshipping soon to come, or even a dissassociation - be sure and take your next steps with a cool head and in a rational way...
it's the quandry, to go with a bang or fade away. I think fading will be the best, it is just where to start. i turned down being a MS last year, and figured that was a start, but the pressure is piling on me again to "reach out" which makes me want to "break out". I am slackening on my field service, though meeting attendence is difficult seeing as i live at home (with the PO no less).
It is making me miserable, when infact i have a lot going in life, my health, education and a long life hopefully with some achievements. Part of me feels that as soon as i leave i can start living a bit, but then the other part of me says to try live within the boundries, but i know i'd be living a lie.
Thank you for your kind words though, it is with words like these that i know i'll be able to make the move...
Welcome GoTan! You said:
The thing is i have no idea how to go about leaving.
I don't think many people do have an idea how to go about leaving. I sure didn't and it felt very wrong for me to decide to stop going to the meetings. It took a long time for me to even admit to myself that I was done for good. The good news is that feeling goes away.
As for how to leave...take a deep breath and celebrate that you have come this far. Don't be in a rush to make a decision right away because both choices have implications that you need to consider carefully. Now that you have posted here you can at least feel the relief that you are addressing things. You will know what the right decision is for you if you carefully consider all options. I look forward to hearing more from you on the forum.
exjdub
The easiest way to get out? Claim to have a chronic illness and skip the meetings. Depression works well
( it has for me). Resist the urge to openly criticize the Society or disagree with its doctrines, just say you suffer
from depression - or migraines - or an illness of your choosing.
metatron
Welcome !
