Update- My fade and the elders inaction (page 4)

ithinkisee

It wouldn't surprise me that Bethel tells COs to not even bother with people like you and leave that to the elders to deal with. My guess is they don't want COs to wake up and smell the coffee either.

Like everything else, they dump it on the elders who are on the frontline.

I have no proof. Just a hunch.

As a side note (and I may have missed this):

If you want to fade, why are you so obsessed with the elders talking to you. Seems like a showdown would negate your fade. Wouldn't it?

-ithinkisee

nvrgnbk

OTWO,

Well done man. It sounds like you used your final days as an elder in the best way possible- trying to make the best of a bad situation- trying to help others to lighten their burden. Regardless of where these individuals end up, you'll always be appreciated by them for your efforts on their behalf.

Again, well done,

Nvr

LovesDubs

I think when people start to question the JWs and their own faith, this lifting of the pall occurs and they start to test not only the doctrine but the PEOPLE too...and all the things theyve been told and believed all those years about the "friends" and the "worldwide brotherhood" and the elders being their "craig in the storm" and all that crap. Like in a family where there is one seriously ill child who seems to garnish all the parents' attentions while the good and healthy child gets next to nothing because he is good and healthy. He suddenly realizes that negative behavior or being sick himself might glean some attention from them, even if its punishment. But he gets tired of being "invisible" so he steals a car or something hoping they will lean in his direction. But instead they pat him on the head and say oh hes just acting out and didnt mean it and go back to their business of minding the other child which is "more important" than dealing with this brat who is acting out so selfishly.

I was, albeit a lowly female, a great JW in all senses of the word and was the go-to gal when someone didnt come to do their school part or a partner for an auxillary pioneer, even when I wasnt auxillarying myself. I always studied, always booked and counted my time accurately, always underlined and answered and was on time...(until of course I got married and my HUSBAND who is perpetually chronically and infuriatingly always late, prevented us from damn near ever being on time again) and I had the bookstudy in my house and my contractor husband was at all the hall builds. So when the paradise started to fade for me...and it was fading for a LONG time before I acted on it...I started to see people and elders and the rhetoric painfully clearly and started testing the waters by asking questions. And boy...I was received with panicked looks, whispering, and people started to avoid me and one elder sent me a letter telling me "my questions were bordering on apostacy sister and we suggest you do further research from the bound volumes and much prayer to straighten out your understanding."

So the time came when I just broke. I stopped going to meetings altogether. I was having panick attacks at the hall. I told my husband to tell the book study conductor to move the study to the hall that I was done....and reported no time. Nobody called, nobody came, nobody gave a shit. My husband who was going to the meetings doing the poor spouse act using his children as sympathy tools, would come home and say that the friends were sorry to hear: that a) I had post partem depression, b) needed B-12 because I obviously nutritionally deprived and B-12 cures all ills, or that c) I was too lazy to live up to Jehovahs standards and was taking the easy way out because I couldnt hack it. But nobody of all these people Id known for 13 years...gave a shit enough to call or come and see me. However a good friend of mine and a neighbor with whom I had been studying and then eventually WARNING about the JWs got a visit from the Presiding Overseers wife who sat down with two other sisters in her living room and not only ripped me apart in front of her as "bad example of the kind of Christians JWs are" but tried to take over my STUDY with her!! I was so fucking furious...and so was SHE and she told them all where to SHOVE their religion for doing such a heartless unloving and UNCHRISTIAN thing to ME behind my BACK!

That was enough for me to be convinced that the entire operation was all smoke and mirrors and had zero basis in reality. I didnt fade...I wrote a 9 page disassociation letter and said phuque you all.

My husband hand delivered it. It was DONE and I went from a grey existence to black and white never having to look over my shoulder again.

The whole cult is fake...you were fake, I was fake, the talks were fake, the door to door "ministry" was a joke on wheels and the assemblies were nothing but giant rallies for Hitler.

Loves

OnTheWayOut

Loves Dubs, thanks for sharing.

ithinkisee said:

As a side note (and I may have missed this):

If you want to fade, why are you so obsessed with the elders talking to you. Seems like a showdown
would negate your fade. Wouldn't it?

Yes, a confrontation would negate the fade. I do not wish the elders to speak to me about my
situation, and as I posted- I will put them off if they do get around to it. I will try to totally avoid them.

As the thread developed, this was the major discussion here. I used the CO's blowing me off as an
excuse to "be stumbled." I hope to use the elders' lack of action (against WTS instructions to
"snatch me out of the fire" ) as further reason to tell them it's too late to be my taskmasters now, telling
me to get active in service and meetings. While I am happy they weren't good shepherds, I have to
tell them "they should have been good shepherds." Since they weren't there for me "when I needed
guidance," I am on my own now, I'll tell them I will be fine, then cut back more.

We have a new CO visit in late March. The wife and I are going to escape town for a romantic 4-day
break during the Memorial. We will visit another Hall for the Memorial. Right after that get-away, I
plan to tell her that I am not interested in the meetings at all- and drop to total absence.

calico

While I am happy they weren't good shepherds, I have to
tell them "they should have been good shepherds." Since they weren't there for me "when I needed
guidance," I am on my own now, I'll tell them I will be fine, then cut back more.

That is exactly how I feel--I think some of us still want proof of the "love" and it is very hard to accept that it is not really there.

If you tell them that they were not there for you when you needed guidance, they will just reply that you are the one who turned your back on Jehovah--it's your own fault.

I remember elders blaming me when I was having trouble making friends at a new congregation--it was always MY attitude and MY fault--they sure tore me down.

calico

The whole cult is fake...you were fake, I was fake, the talks were fake, the door to door "ministry" was a joke on wheels and the assemblies were nothing but giant rallies for Hitler.

Love--I understand why you made this statement, but it is hard to wrap my mind around it. While I don't believe I will ever go back, it's hard to accept that I spent the majority of my life in something that was fake. I think it has something to do with practically being raised in this religion--I was 9 when my parents started studying and I happily went along with what was being taught. I was the kind of child that was very worried about pleasing my parents--they were not hard on me, I guess it's just part of my personality!

My sister never wanted to accept this religion--she is a year younger--makes me feel like I was blind as a bat!

OnTheWayOut

If you tell them that they were not there for you when you needed guidance, they will just reply that you are the
one who turned your back on Jehovah--it's your own fault.

Calico, true- but I have learned this much- You don't need to win the argument. You just need to have
your excuses for refusing their help or skipping meetings and service. Truly, I only care to make valid
points with the wife and mother. Discussions with elders are just a necessary evil, so just try to
minimize these by saying "NO THANKS."

Saying they weren't there when you needed them, this can be done in passing in the corridor or over
the phone. This allows you a reason why you don't need to meet privately. Actually, while not being
obvious, I intend to say my excuses in front of other rank and file, so they just end the discussion.

zack

"The whole cult is fake...you were fake, I was fake, the talks were fake, the door to door "ministry" was a joke on wheels and the assemblies were nothing but giant rallies for Hitler."

I agree. It's a dream built on shifting sands. No bedrock. And it's every man for himself when the time comes. That's what they teach. That's what the live--- when the time comes.

Alligator Wisdom

OTWO,

How would you answer if the elders ask you THE question:

"Do you believe that the FDS (WTS) is Jehovah God's only channel of communication to his people and that THIS is his true organization?"

Alligator Wisdom (aka Brother NOT Exerting Vigorously)

P.S. I've been noticing your posts over the past several months and can relate almost entirely to what you are going through.

OnTheWayOut

How would you answer if the elders ask you THE question:
"Do you believe that the FDS (WTS) is Jehovah God's only channel of communication
to his people and that THIS is his true organization?"

Alligator, thanks for sharpening me. I practiced this one.

"I am currently involved in deep research, so I am unable to give my answer at this time."

If asked what I am researching, I will offer no details. "It involves the Bible and WT references."

Update- My fade and the elders inaction

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