Update- My fade and the elders inaction

by OnTheWayOut 48 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Alligator Wisdom

  "I am currently involved in deep research, so I am unable to give my answer at this time."

  If asked what I am researching, I will offer no details. "It involves the Bible and WT references."

  Beautifully put! You are quite sharp and have all your points laid out in front of you.

  What I did was answered their questions with a question in order to make them think. "Has this organization ever made mistakes?", "Can Jehovah use anyone outside of his organization to fulfill his purpose?", "Wasn't Jesus Christ the only channel of communication?"...etc.

  I spun their wheels for awhile.

  Alligator Wisdom (aka Brother NOT Exerting Vigorously)

  P.S. Keep us updated!
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  What I did was answered their questions with a question in order to make them think.

  Thanks for encouragement. My PO is a totally loyal believer. He thinks that
  they are not inspired prophets, so the GB has had to adjust their understanding in
  the past, but the light gets brighter as the day draws near.

  I have already presented my problems with the semantics of "inspired" or
  spirit-directed. I have discussed how the light getting brighter would reveal
  MORE TRUTH to add to already-proclaimed truths from God's representative.

  I would not push any further upon his Orwellian thinking. His loyalty just might
  kick in if I were to be seen as a dangerous potential apostate. My only concern is
  for the wife and mother, and whether I can totally stop going to the Kingdom Hall
  now (or very soon) without setting off all their Apostate Alarms. I think I have been
  non-confrontational enough to get away with it.

  My "in your face" ZERO hours report slips could be viewed as a problem, but without
  follow-thru to explain why I put in ZERO, they really are able to look at it as if it's
  just a "weak" publisher becoming "inactive."

  I leave it to the board for opinions- A fader is cautioned to go slowly. Am I going too
  fast (it's only been 7 months since I was an active elder) or am I ready to give up the
  meetings entirely? Keep in mind that at the end of March, I will be considered inactive.
• 

  Alligator Wisdom

  OTWO,

  You got a PM.

  Your fade, in my opinion, is quite fast. Perhaps that CO that didn't have time for you before will now be at your doorstep with your local elder during his next visit. Of course, you just maybe a NH.

  Alligator Wisdom (aka Brother NOT Exerting Vigorously)
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  Of course, you just maybe a NH.

  I will never receive them in my home. If they trick me by visiting while the wife is home,
  expecting her to let them in, I will directly intervene, asking that we establish an appointment.

  The appointment will be for a meeting at the Hall, so I can walk out anytime I like.

  Of course they will say, "We are here now, we don't have time for this later."

  I will say, "Just like before. No time for the one straying sheep except on your terms. I have
  everything I need to do my own research, as was already pointed out. You made your visit.
  Thank you, now I am on my own, again."
• 

  nvrgnbk

  OTWO,

  I stopped going one day and never went back. The elders have egos like everyone else. If you can avoid making your walking away personal to them, it may go more smoothly. Make it clear to them that you appreciate that they are doing the best they can (surely they are) but you just can't go back because you're going through something very personal. Make it clear that you haven't committed any J.C.- worthy offense and though you've expressed some doubts you're not interested in starting your own church or anything like that. That should get a chuckle and keep things light. I alluded to the WT study article that discussed murmuring. It made a statement to the effect that one shouldn't worry about injustices or problems in the congo. or the org. because Jehovah and Jesus know everything that happens in the org. I asked "Do you really believe that?" Of course they replied, "Absolutely!" I said "Good, then they surely understand what I am going through." I also explained that I knew my non-attendance was diappointing to the brothers but in good conscience I couldn't attend just to make them feel better, for that would be hypocritical. It seems that if you come across as hurt and disappointed as opposed to angry and bitter they are less likely to really go after you. As for THE famous FDS loyalty question, what's wrong with a heartfelt "I'm not sure, I'm just not sure".

  Just my 2 cents,

  Nvr

  P.S.- I think it's been about five months since I last reported FS time.
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  P.S.- I think it's been about five months since I last reported FS time.

  Okay, then you are due for your obligatory Shepherding visit Taskmaster's Inquiry. I appreciate your input.
  Let me know if they still don't pursue you a few months from now. I am going to set a goal now as to when
  I will totally walk away from the meetings. I think it is still a few months away (for caution's sake).
• 

  blondie

  Fading depends on several factors.

  1) Your status when you start to fade. It makes sense that if you are an elder that it will take longer to fade than if you are a sister with 3 children and a non-JW husband.

  2) The strength of a spouse's commitment to the FDS.

  3) Are minor children at home in the mix?

  4) The elder body's feelings toward you: if at either extreme friendly or nasty rather than ambivalent it could be harder.

  5) Your ability to be patient and not talk too much.

  It took about 1 year for me and my husband. As a fader, you will find that some will still try to "save" you.

  I notice that it is harder when it is the man you is leaving and he has a "faithful JW" wife at home. Then it all depends how much your relationship is founded on your love for each other and not a relationship dependent on the WTS.

  It worked out that my husband and I were simpatico about the same time about how we felt about the WTS. We always said that the WTS would never come between us. I guess we were bad JWs to start out with.

  Blondie
• 

  brunnhilde

  My last meeting was last years Memorial. I haven't spoken to the elders, reported time or anything else to do with the Borg since then. My husband was an elder and he stepped aside and then followed me out within three months. Other than my mother and father freaking out, we've had maybe a total of MAYBE ten phonecalls and no visits to the house. I've been very pleasantly surprised *WEG*
• 

  nvrgnbk

  brunnhilde,

  My last meeting was last years Memorial. I haven't spoken to the elders, reported time or anything else to do with the Borg since then. My husband was an elder and he stepped aside and then followed me out within three months. Other than my mother and father freaking out, we've had maybe a total of MAYBE ten phonecalls and no visits to the house. I've been very pleasantly surprised *WEG*

  Good for you guys!

  Best wishes for you both,

  Nvr