I say let it go. He made his decision a year ago and has moved on. You've been out of the watchtower for years now so your actions of wanting his family to blame him and hate him for his part in your break up, speaks more of a desire for revenge than anything. There are always 2 sides to every story and the truth is always in the middle. I noticed you said that you mailed 'his credit report' to his family as proof of what he's been up to.....but I hazard a guess that you can't ever know what they are up to because you aren't there. What did this serve? If his family is shunning you - what does it matter? They have no obligation to continue a relationship with you. I think your best bet would be to get some counselling to get over the loss of your marriage and your husband. Once you do this, you will feel more confident and more positive in looking to the future for new relationships. sammieswife.
update on my divorce situation
by depressed 62 Replies latest jw experiences
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depressed
hmm, maybe that's why his father told me that if my local elders call him, that he's not giving away any information. It does make somewhat sense. Howver, I don't understand why she has to lie about everything else
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misanthropic
Wow, What a bitch, I can't believe she would steal your husband and then write such a nasty gloating letter. Hopefully she'll get hers oneday.
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jgnat
Now I am more than convinced that you have to let your ex go. So what if he gets away with it? As long as you orbit HIS life, your life will remain unfulfilled. Here's how I responded on your thread, "lost". The advice still applies.
It can be said that depression is anger turned inward.
Or, depression is a sign that there's some unfinished business you are ignoring.
Truth is, loved ones don't have to go along with our program. They don't have to be ethical or kind. People do all sorts of foolishness all the time, and with some people you just have to let them wallow in it.
The only question remains is, will you wallow in their misery with them, or walk away?
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tijkmo
wow this is making me feel real bad for you..
i had an affair and as a result my wife who had not done anything to merit me being unfaithful to her became a little unbalanced and said some things about me which were not true. they hurt me at the time but lets face it not as much as i had hurt her
all of my family were very close to her and have continued to be..it was awkward for a while but i really didnt have a problem with it...i still dont..they were pretty much her family too and her friends. so if that was what she needed to cope with what i had done to her then who was i to object.
i fail to understand the mentality of people who run away from their spouses and then demand at least half the worldly goods etc..personally i let her have everything...(and i didnt get even the woman i was in love with..but serves me right eh)
i am pretty sure that the girl i was involved with would have reacted in exactly the same way as your ex's wife/partner...and would have objected to my wife seeing my family esp if i/we were still associating with them too.
it is when i read accounts like yours that i remember how much hurt i caused..and i hate myself for it (you dont tend to be aware of it when you are the perpetrator) but there is no doubt that situations like this make even the most balanced people act a little out of character..and witness parents probably more than others really do not expect their childrens marriages to end in divorce..and so they find themselves torn between what is right and what is family..
but i would like to repeat the advice given from another poster who said that for your own mental health you would be better to leave them all alone..this will be very hard but ultimately will be easier than trying to hold on to something or try to exact revenge or even some kind of understanding from people who seem not to want to help in any way..
i hope that you will be able to come to terms with this sooner rather than later..
ian
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depressed
so I finally did it.
I forwarded her email to her JW presiding overseer/ regular pioneer parents! I included this message before her email:
Wow - you lied to cover up for her.
I've already started praying so that Jehovah may exercise mercy upon you, since you've obviously been supporting your son in his adultery.
This will be the last time that I contact you.
Good bye.What do you think that their reaction will be? I know that they won't contact me, that's for sure. But do you think that they might actually start to believe that their son had an affair?
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looking_glass
Dee - I am so sorry to hear what you are going thru. I have a close GF who went thru something similar. Her now JW ex-hubby cheated on her, but his very zealous family rallied around him and blamed her. I can tell you that no about of truth will ever be enough in their eyes to prove that their family member is the chicken sh*t that he is. If he really had the balls he would own up to what he has been up to and do right, but they never do.
As for his new bride. Well I agree w/ the prior poster who said that her e-mail to you was extremely mean spirited. Did she need to write what she did, no. But the slings and arrows have been sent. Just remember Karma is a b*tch and it returns in spades. Leave them to their own accord. It will visit them. My feeling, once a cheat always a cheat. Anyone who has no shame in doing these things knowing that this is not a married man who is in an open marriage is clearly is evil.
Good luck to you. All I can say is that moving on is the most healing thing that you can do. My GF went to a therapist. She left the religion and found a great guy who has allowed her to be her own person.
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Madame Quixote
So, is his new wife, like, what - 13 or so? Geez! That letter is so high-schooly. It makes me wonder if she's even a real person.
Your ex is a real loser if he needs a woman like that, honey.
You move on to better stuff as soon as you can. There's definitely better than that out there. I went out to dinner tonight with a better man than that. I wouldn't marry him or anything, but geez! just sayin' there's better men out there then your ex.
Hugs to you. I hope that email you sent them really is your last one to them. They don't deserve the time of day from you, much less an email. Here's to better times ahead.
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SPAZnik
((((((depressed))))))
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depressed
So his "worldly" bitch emails me again. She tells me that her letter is a lie, and that I behaved "crazy" because I forwarded the email to his witness parents. After I ignore her, she sends me another email. She claims that she did not commit adultery, (yeah right), and again says that I'm imagining things. Instead, she forwards me another email where she mentions that my ex husband and her went to see an astrologist!!! I gladly forwarded the email again to his parents!! This is an exact copy of the email I forwarded to his parents: (By the way, the text messages she refers to are the ones I caught were she mentions to my husband that she'll be thinking of him wrapped around her, and that she wants to have his little girl) Also, I took out my name and substituted it with "depressed"
To witness parents:
from bethel to astrology. unbelievable.
-------- Original Message --------Subject: Explaination of the text messages - now you know Date: Fri, 16 Mar 2007 17:09:46 -0400 (EDT) From: xxx@aol.com (The other "worldly" woman) To: depressed (me -the poster)@xxxx.com In response to your current comment on the text messages: Ever since the first time you asked me about the text messages I knew if you heard the truth you would never believe it. This is what happened - believe it or not ...... On a Thursday night in early March I had an appointment to see a tea left reader in Yonkers at Katies Cottage on Central Park Ave - Her name is Roisen - She only works on Tuesday and Thursday nights and I am never able to go because it would require me to get a babysitter (and I am too cheap to pay a babysitter to go with my friends... ) - anyway, my kids had plans and I really wanted to go so I made an appointment for 2 people to have readings. Another friend really wanted to go too but canceled at the last minute. I was very disappointed because I really wanted to go for months and now that I had a free evening and an appointment & I had to go by myself. I know many people who have been to her and had very upsetting readings - I really didn't want to go to the 6pm appt by myself. I asked a friend from work to go - He was teaching class that night and couldn't go - I asked another friend from work to go - She wanted to go (and eventually DID go but not that night as she too was busy) so I asked another person from work - he too was into astrology etc and thought it would be fun - That would be "depressed's" husband. We took separate cars to the appointment. When I arrived I found he was already there. We had a short discussion about who would go first (if you go first, after the 30 minute reading you have to sit by yourself, analyzing the info you just got - all by yourself - if you go second, when you come out you have someone to talk to at least). We decided He would go first. He came out and said he thought he was going to throw up - I went in for my reading - when I emerged 20 minutes later we shared the stories of our readings over a Guiness (it is an Irish Pub and I still had 35 minutes before I needed to retrieve my kids) ..... the two stories were so funny, heartbreaking and similar - also a good chunk of it was crap, which we both knew. We spent 34-40 minutes talking about the readings and went home. The next few days we joked about it on and off all day at work - because of the nature of the work we did sometimes we would see each other all day and sometimes not for days - when business things were going on we would text each other instead of call - saving time - sometimes we texted the joking references from the readings too - Unfortunately depressed got caught in the cross fire from the readings and the text messages - they were always sent in good fun, never with the intention to hurt anyone - I had no idea their home life was so volatile or I never would have asked him to go to begin with - I had met depressed in person and had been in their company as a couple - I never knew their relationship was in trouble - actually, it was none of my business if it was - well, she intercepted the messages, when he was sleeping and flew off the deep end - breaking the phone in two pieces, shoving the work boots down the garbage shoot - you know all the stories - That is where the text messages came from - PS - The reading was 100% "on" about some things - other things she said just made me laugh like "you will have a baby girl with him - I laughed - with "who" I asked - Roisen replied with "Your fine looking Scorpio Friend ....... That is the joke - that is where the messages came from - believe it or not .....In HIS reading, she told him "You will have two sons and a daughter - When we sat down to compare notes on the readings we found that funny, weird, creepy, crap. You can pass judgement all day long about whether or not we should have gone, whether or not we should have joked about it, whether or not I was over the line about texting the jokes back and forth - I can see that debate but it was really done very innocently and got way out of hand - depressed flew off the end of the ship and never returned - she was last seen spinning around in a circle like a crazy person. Well, the wait is over - that is what happened. I had no idea (The Tea Leaf lady didn't tell me all this would be the outcome a year later). Look - I didn't just fall off the Apricot truck - was I out of line for having an inside joke with a married man? Maybe - but I had met depressed - we had talked a few times - I would never have done it if I thought for a minute this would be the result. Depressed? I am sorry for texting your husband about an inside joke - it got out of hand and you got hurt. I am sorry. PS - Depressed? You should go and see her - she is across the street from Yonkers Raceway - Tues and Thurs from 6pm - 9pm - The cost is $30 for the reading and for $10 more you can have anything you want to eat on the dinner menu (I recommend the Shepards Pie) - it will change your life! It sure changed mine!