I went to the Memorial.

by RichieRich 97 Replies latest jw friends

kerj2leev

I am sure she would have wanted to pick the girl he dates, too.
Ummmm I think that is most all mothers.......
LongHairGal

I went also. I am fading and am "keeping up appearances" for the time being. I have zero interest in the religious observance itself. I was curious about the people.
I had mixed emotions about being there. I was glad to see many people and many people were glad to see me. There is a lot of water under the bridge. Many of the children are grown and I hardly recognize them. Many of the adults are showing their age and it is this I am noticing that has "taken down" a few proud ones there. I am referring to some of the over-righteous and high and mighty who looked down on everybody else. All these years later their children are "out" or giving them trouble and they themselves have suffered set-backs (emotional and physical). I am certainly not gloating over this and time is everybody's enemy. But, I was pleasantly surprised to see a more "mellow" attitude from those who I had considered to be stiff and unapproachable. Afterwards I spoke with a few women I had been friendly with but fell out of touch with over the years. I had pleasant conversation.
Even though I have resentment towards the religion in general and can never see it the way I used to, I do not feel resentment towards most of the people who are just doing what they "think" is right.
LHG
RichieRich

And I worry about him making patterns on his body that he can't erase. It seems he wants to bind his future self into a position where his bodily appearance would prevent him from reversing his decision to leave the Witnesses. I wish he did not feel like that. I don't worry about what I will do in the future, not because I feel "settled", but because I feel more comfortable with my fluctuations now. Richie may ensure he cannot go back to the Witnesses because of his appearance, but he is also closing down other options in life needlessly. We have enough options in life closed down for us without adding to them ourselves. And I feel some get a perverse thrill out of seeing him do things they "wish they had the guts to do themselves" or some such silly notion. But that's a bit selfish because he is a real human being out there somewhere with a mother who is crying.
Some people go on drug binges. Some people drink themselves into oblivion every night. While this may solve some of their problems, it certainly adds more problems in the long run.
Body modification is my choice. All of those "patterns" that can't be erased are hidden. The only visible modifications I have would be my ears, but I can play those up, or play them down as I see fit.
And thank goodness that the majority of employers are a bit more openminded when it comes to things. A big hole in my ear doesn't make me work slower. Nor does it make me less intelligent. Its just there- for my pleasure. So what if I've disqualified myself for a job at McDonalds- I'm moving on to much bigger and better things.
Why don't you tell these guys how much their modifications are going to hold them back in their future.
And I'm sure that someone here may, even the tiniest little bit, benefit from what I write here. That's why I do it. No one encourages me to do anything. You'll notice a lot people encouraged me to NOT go to the memorial... but I still did.
No one lives my life for me. It's what I want.

Dude are you seeing someone to talk about all this.....you seem to have way too much anger going on here!
I'm fine. The only thing that angered me was that 10 second dialogue with / from my mother. Other than that- all is well. But I don't think a little anger ever hurt anyone.
Richie's mom surprised me too. Fainting would have gotten as much attention. The woman has steel ovaries, that is for sure. It seems she misses being in charge of Richie's life.
I'm still in shock, to be honest. I can't believe she tried to pull that. But it was a power play. I know for a fact if I had tried to sit there and carry on a conversation with her, she more than likely wouldn't have obliged. So she got cut off before she had a chance to cut me off. Big deal.
Tuesday

Ritchie, you completely inspire me.
The wanderer

Dear Richie:

I have read your account regarding the memorial
and I place no judgement on how you prefer to
live your life.

However, regardless of the religion or circum-
stances in the Kingdom Hall, that is still your
mother that you drove to tears last night.

Girlfriends come and go and so do religions, but
you have only one mother in life and when she
dies make sure you did the right thing in life
otherwise you will have many regrets.

I speak from experience, because you also only
have one father in life as well.

Respectfully,

The Wanderer
undercover

Thanks for sharing your experience with us RR... I enjoyed reading it very much. I felt like I was at your Memorial more than I was at mine, the way you described it and the feelings evoked from being there.
I got a kick out of this statement:
Driving in, of course, is a challenge, because there's a good deal of brothers out there with holy spirit powered flashlights trying to tell people where to park.
So funny, but so true. Give a brother a flashlight (or back in the old days, a pith helmet...anybody remember that?) and they become traffic cops. Barking orders and waving their arms like madmen. I know, I've done it myself, I'm embarrassed to admit.
Last night when I pulled in a brother waves me to stop, which I had no choice to anyway as the line of cars in front of me were already stopped...like his telling me to stop is going to save me from running into the cars ahead of me. Anyway, he walks over and I already had my window down and he steps up to the window and put both his hands on the roof of the car as he leans in to talk. Not only did touching my car kinda piss me off, but the manner in which he did it kinda irked me as well. It was as if he was in some position of authority and was going to let me know that he is "the man". I got a mental image of an old movie where the fat Southern sheriff tries to be tough and intimidating. If I had been alone, I would have told him to take his hands off the car, but since I had my family in the car, I bit my toungue so as to not start anything with them. I was trying to be on my best behavior and didn't want to embarrass them anymore than my presence would already.
anewme

I knew all would go well Richie, because you were in charge of yourself and your conduct. I also knew the witnesses would behave cordially. I also knew your visit would be important to your mother. Im sure she is very sorry for how her comment turned back on her. But all in all I think it went very well!
And mark my words Richie. THEY WILL BE LOOKING FORWARD TO YOU NEXT YEAR! I truly think many of the witnesses feel like that little sister who secretly smiled and waved at you! They love you Richie and want the best for you. They are learning they cannot control you with harshness and cruelty. Their last resort will have to be trying to control you with kindness and patience, the very qualities Jesus recommended in the first place. You may not see your mom for another year Richie. So save that suit young man!
Sunspot

That was a tough experience.
READING Richie's post.
I ran through a gamut of several emotions before it ended.
I can't imagine LIVING that experience rather than reading it. I think you did just FINE and handled yourself well in the moments you were caught off guard. Give Ericka a hug with my name on it...for her support on what must have been a very strange evening.
For those who are tsk-tsk-tsking the thought he made his mom cry....maybe you woulds like to hear another side of the story. When my oldest baptized- at-14-years old son left the WTS at 19 to live HIS life and have a worldly girlfriend he ended up marrying...and then I was told in 1981 that I could no longer associate with him. I told him this.
I didn't learn until many years later after I had left the WTS myself....that another one of my sons let me in on some events I never knew about during that time. My oldest son and I were very close until all that....and it cut him deeply when I told him I wouldn't have anything t do with him unless he came back to the WTS.
I have to be careful with what I can specifically share because this IS a public board, but there were a lot of emotionally tense moments in his life due to MY heartless actions. He felt I had completely disowned him. I guess I had. I know I put him through some extremey bad times and insecurities about himself as a person....that should not have happened.
He went on to be married to this girl and they had three children, built a custom-made home and gave their kids everything kids could possibly want. Every now and again the pain I had caused emerged and the kids ALL know how "gramma disowned Daddy because of her religion". They have SEEN the hurt and pain manifested in what he said....and sometimes what he DIDN'T say. My actions towards him were not kept secret and they ALL knew. Holidays and Mother's Day were especially notable in their "normal" home. I have been told that HE cried....a lot...for the loss of his mother's love and acceptance.
So, when you think about how "Richie made his mother cry".....think about it again.
NO religion should bring this much pain and anguish on anyone.
(((((Richie)))))
hugs,
Annie
RichieRich

Anyway, he walks over and I already had my window down and he steps up to the window and put both his hands on the roof of the car as he leans in to talk.
With my window down, they wouldn't even walk over to my vehicle. It was cool. There was one brother, who I guess just made Ministerial servant. Now keep in mind that this a parking lot. Its lit up brighter than an overcast day. But he was still standing there with this mammoth flashlight, and he was twirling it, oh so crazily, so that I would know to turn left. Thanks.
I truly think many of the witnesses feel like that little sister who secretly smiled and waved at you!
There was a lot of under handed peace signs, and little smiles and winks from the 15-25 crowd. They know what's up.
undercover

However, regardless of the religion or circum-
stances in the Kingdom Hall, that is still your
mother that you drove to tears last night.
When I first read RR's account, I had the same initial reaction. And I still agree with that sentiment to a degree.
But at the same time, I remember some of the things that Richie shared with us in how his mother treated him before the shit really hit the fan. She put the religion in front of her relationship with her son. Her choice, but when you make that choice there will be ramifications. Alienating that son is one of them.
I noticed also that his mother did not speak to him, she immediately had to know who the girl was and then inform her just who she was. There was no joyful reunion of mother and son before things took an ugly turn.
What happened was what I was afraid would happen. His mother became upset and her Memorial night was ruined. Could Richie have handled it in a way so as to not cause her to cry? Sure...but she brought part of this on herself by the way she had treated him previously.
Some mothers aren't always the loving, caring people that we like to think they are. Some are vindictive, manipulating and evil people. Cultish religions don't help their mental stablity any either.
About the only way to not upset her would have been to not have shown up at all.

I went to the Memorial.

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