Maybe I should go back and be a good little dubbie again!! (page 5)

Just as I am

Hey, we want to come too!

Sorry, I was typing while you posted beforehand! You're welcome too! Let's do it!

Little Drummer Boy

besides there arent many XJW's from Indiana on this board

Sorry Junction Guy, but there are at least a few. I, for one, just like to put random things in my profile.

Anyway...Jeff, I want to tell you just a little something, something. This past Christmas was our first one in oh, I don't know know long (14 years maybe?), but it was great for a lot of reasons. But, one thing I will always remember is that you sent exwitless and me a Christmas card. We displayed it proudly and appreciated so very much that you did that. You were one of the very first ex-jws we interacted with in anyway outside of this forum since we left the borg. It was so nice to have something physical that we could hold and see that came from someone that could understand what we have been through. It was a sort of connection that we really needed, especially since we had DA'd just a few months before. I know it isn't the same or even close to the same as having friends come around to the house for a beer like you're talking about, but those little kind of things mean more to me than all the fake friendships at the KH ever did.

I do think it woud be great to try again to see who could come to a get-together as the weather improves.

I can't believe there's snow on the ground right now.

AK - Jeff

I am just overcome as I read so many responses to this. I felt like I was fairly invisible here most of the time. Thank you all.

I am feeling so much better, and am considering all the various statements made in the thread. It has really bolstered me.

I have already sent email and making plans to look into the Kiwanis here. Also, I am going to do a search on Habitat for Humanity in the area. I have fair skills in that area, and I can't think of a better way to use them. Also, just today, I finally put the fingers to the keyboard to begin that novel that I have always wanted to write. Golf suggested the game of golf - which is already a passion of mine - and I may look into joining a league this year to build friendships.

I looked at my grandmunchkins and my wife today and said ' We are really blessed aren't we? Three of the best g-kids in the world, a family. A warm house and absolutely beautiful snow falling in April. Life is pretty good.' And it is. Still, I believe this thread is useful, hopefully to others besides me [which it certainly has been].

I am 'making a list and checkin' it twice' for Indiana, or near Indiana posters who might be able to attend a little picnic or BBQ this summer. I will try and take that bull by the horns a little better this year, and we will have that damn Indiana/Michigan gathering.

Thanx all.

Jeff

Mary

I felt like I was fairly invisible here most of the time. Thank you all

Hey Jeff; sorry, I haven't been around much the last while and am just reading this now. I know how you feel, as alot on here do. When I went to the Memorial this year, I saw alot of people that I had been good friends with. They didn't shun me (I'm not DF'd), but it was sad for me to realize that I can only be friends with them by going back to the meetings-----which is something I'm not willing to do.

It's human nature to want friends and the KH is a very social religion. That's the only reason my sister and b-i-l go: they have a ton of friends and are always invited out everywhere. I miss alot of these people but one thing I've learned is that "worldly" people can and are just as nice as those at the Hall. I was invited over to a luncheon after church last Sunday and I had a really good time. I'm fortunate in the fact that I've always been outgoing and always had friends outside 'the Truth' anyway.

While the prospect might seem overwhelming to you, I don't think you're giving yourself enough credit. You seem like a very personable guy. I don't know if you've attended other churches but I find the people there are really nice----they're not the spaw of Satan like we were taught and they don't judge you by how many meetings you attend. What about your immediate neighbours? Are there any clubs in your neck of the woods that you could join?

This is one of the reasons why the WT's shunning policy should be illegal: it's incredible that any religion should have the power to cut you off from life long friends just because you don't believe the same as them any more.

Sorry I can't offer you more......ah's tired and am off to bed.

Cheers,

Mary

AK - Jeff

Thanx Mary.

I am starting to work at this - a lot of encouragement on this thread. I have been in a few churches, but have not ever settled into a routine of that.

You are right - maybe they should be illegal altogether. Thanx for the nice comments -and sleep well.

Jeff

hambeak

Ak Jeff me too I know how you feel.

I am so lonely at times as I really long for some good friends. I just don't know how to make any anymore.

I don't trust hardly anyone anymore.k

What is the formula?

jwfacts

Hi Jeff,

You have only been out a year, it takes a while to replace 50 years worth of friendships. You will never get over the friends you have lost, but things will improve.

To meet friends you need to be in places where that will happen, and be conscious of talking to people. You like golf, can you join the golf club and spend more time their for dinner etc? I have made friends just from going to the same beer gardens and clubs every couple of weeks over the last year. Use the skills you learnt in Witnessing, which are the same as for sales. It is a numbers game, talk to enough people and you will find sheeplike-ones/sales/friends. You will also encounter a lot of rejection, but don't take it to heart.

If you went back you would just assist in perpetuating the very thing that is causing so much heart ache for you now. Religions that shun should be illegal and need to be stopped. The more of us that are strong enough to turn away the sooner the WTS will come to its end, or adjust its cultish practices. By staying strong and moving on you will be helping the next generation avoid the same pain.

willyloman

Jeff: Just got around to reading this. I sympathize with you, it's tough leaving your "family" and support group of many decades and being out there in the cold. And friends are hard to find after you reach 50 or 60, because most people our age have settled in comfortably with their families or various posses and aren't actively looking for new best friends.

However, all the suggestions here are great and if you apply any of them, you will soon start to make acquaintances and from that pool a few good friends will emerge. We've been fading for nearly four years now and only in the past year or so have we finally acquired what I would call "friends." You put yourself out there and one day you look around and realize some people are calling you up and making social plans.

In the meantime, do as much as you're comfortable with of the "outreach" recommended in this thread. And write that book, if you are so inclined. I finished my first novel a year after i left the dubs and I am working on a second one now. Plus, I finally get to read a lot and really enjoy that. It's een a while since I mourned my "loss" to the extent you were doing in your opening post. That, too, will pass, believe me, and you will come to know that even if no one on the planet ever spoke to you again, you would still be better off than if you were a dub. Just remember Braveheart's last words: "Freeeeedom!"

nvrgnbk

I was reading your life story on my Palm Pilot during the Watchtower Study last week.

LMAO @ Open Mind! See that Jeff? Youv'e touched people on here. Many, many people. Maybe now it's your turn to touch yourself.

Love ya and I'm pm'n your sorry posterior!

Nvr

Clam

LOL @ Nvrgoingback - Open Mind's post was good wasn't it. It's very heartwarming that we can all rally round and support. It beats the hell out of the JWs.

To pick up Mary's point as well, I have long felt very strongly that shunning should be illegalised. I'm sure that if someone was shunned at work it would be deemed bullying and dealt with. Shunning violates human rights, and everyone believes in human rights - don't they?

Maybe I should go back and be a good little dubbie again!!

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