Wow..these replies are all awesome!!!
I just talked to my brother who accompanied my mom and sister to the doctors appoinment. They took an Xray which showed that her hip was not damaged. This latest fall which happened in the middle of the night because she tried to use her cane instead of her walker, resulted only in bruised ribs. The doctor warned my mom that she has to use the walker...period, and that she cannot afford a serious fall.
My mom couldn't use her walker because it was in her car....which brings us back to Lady Lee's point which was....if my sister was truly caretaking then she should have brought the walker into the house or given my mom a bell to ring so she could help her at night.
So as it stands right now, we will buy a second walker, one for the inside of the home and one for her car. We will install additional lighting with sensors if she has to get up at night. My brother bought her some Depends, just in case, so she will have them available to her...she seemed relieved.
My mom definately wants to stay in her house and says that she can manage with a little bit of help. My brother and I will become much more proactive with calls and visits. My sister will (she has no choice) get a full time job. If my mom wants my sister to stay in the house for company sake, then we will pay for someone else to come in during the day to handle mom's laundry, cleaning etc...My brother will then stop by every day after work to check up on her. Then when winter hits, she can come down and stay with us in Florida.
Just as some of you had suspected, my mom had given my sister her credit card for groceries and my sister had been using it to pay her own bills as well. We will come up with a new arrangement for that as well. We will handle a lot of these issues when I go up there the week after next.
I appreciate very much all of the thoughtful replies and wisdom from EVERY ONE of you!
Just curious, did she shun any of you in the past?
She did shun my brother when he left and she shunned my wife even though my wife was never officially DF'ed. Over the years she was so obnoxious that we just eventually started to ignore her and stopped ruining holidays by giving her the obligitory invite. She circumvented that by always showing up out of the blue when dinner was about to start. You know the routine.
Be nice to your sister. Let her know that you won't expect her to pay her share of the cost of your mother's care until she's found herself a job.
My brother did have the pleasure of telling her to go ahead and go back to work, that we would pick up the slack and hire in some help and that eventually when she was on her feet she could pitch in as well.
I just hope you and your family are able to work this out in whatever way is best. Good luck.
To be honest, I will have a frank and earnest discussion with my sister about financial planning. If my mom does allow her to stay rent free and continues to pay for groceries then she should be able to save at least $1000 a month. They live just outside Chicago, the wages are good. If she save for 5 years then she will have a great start.
To those who mentioned the UU's. She lives 35 minutes from her church and in the opposite direction of most of the members. Without a doubt that is a big part of her support system. Another big advantage is that she is friends with a lot of members 20, 30 and 40 years younger than her. She played in a regional symphony up until last year, so she has a lot of musician friends as well. The brothers, myself included need to pick up the slack and get way more involved and keep her in those loops as well. We will. She deserves nothing less.
Thanks again for all of your replies!!!
