So I don't know where to start, so here is my story........

by hazeleyes 36 Replies latest jw experiences

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  hazeleyes

  Jgnat, most of it makes sense. a few things are different...Hubby will never leave again. He told me that when I asked him to leave before. He told me that he needs me too much and with out me he is better off dead. So if I did decided to kick him out I would have to have him removed by the cops, that is the only way i would be able to get him out. I would much rather stay in my house and keep my things but if it did come down to it I would leave with nothing but the kids.

  My parents wouldn't have a problem with going back to school, because I did before...I never finished, but i have a student loan now that i can't afford to pay back

  Hubby did leave for another woman but nothing happened with her...once he left me she wasn't interested in him, I can't see him stepping out on me because of all his problems right now the only stuff he does is the chatting online, because he can pretend to be someone else.

  One thing about me is that I try to make everyone else happy, not thinking about myself. I can't do that anymore....I can't handle it anymore.

  As for my MIL she knows if she goes too far I won't let her have much association with the kids. that would be really hard on her because she is one of those people who have to control EVERYTHING!!

  I did have an elder tell me that they would support me in whatever I decide to do (leave hubby or not) as long as what I decide is for the benefit of myself and children spiritually. Thats all fine and good but i haven't had anyone ask how I was doing what's going on if I need any food or anything. So they are really showing their concern.

  I was in a cong. once that asked for food donations for someone in the cong. who didn't have any food. At the time I had very little, I was a single mom with a baby(just after hubby left the first time) I started to think that some of the food might be coming to me...(there was a lot of food).... Yet nothing came to me and even though I told the elders I had nothing, no one helped!

  I'm starting to realize that the only help I can get is to help myself. I used to depending on everyone else, I can't do that anymore. thanks for all your advice.
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  free2think

  ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hazeleyes)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

  I'm so sorry you're in such a tough situation, I just wanted to echo what has been said already, you're not alone, we are here for you so please keep posting. As you can see there is a wealth of experince on this board and we are here to help you in whatever way we can.

  ((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))
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  rose petal

  Hi, Hazel eyes, you have it in you to become whatever you want to be. Don't believe your husband when he says he'll never leave you, and he'll never cheat! Such men are "convenient lovers". They stick around while it is convenient. I talk from experience here. I was like you, believed everything everybody said, believed that meeting attendance solved every problem.

  You are being abused. I became empty inside, because all I was doing was giving, and giving and giving. You have to keep something back for yourself. Women are much hardier that men (sorry, guys). My husband controlled me by anger. I couldn't stand it when he got angry, it wasn't real anger, he could turn it on and off like a tap. Then one day I realised - I'm smarter than you! It was a lightbulb moment. Plus forgot, no help from the elders, surprise, surprise.

  From that day on I outsmarted him, and he knew it. I gained back control bit by bit. Keep some money aside, even if it's only a couple of dollars a week. I hid money for a year, and I saved up $1000. He knew eventually that he couldn't control me, and left! Just like that, out of the blue. I still remember thinking, wow, I should have done that years ago. You will find that you have more friends that you know when he leaves. I did, they said that they just couldn't stand him.

  My children were older, so I can understand your hesitation. Just keep putting that $10 a week away, and one day you'll be ready to fly!!!

  rose petal
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  mouthy

  Let me know when you get my letter please
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  jgnat

  Oh, rose petal, that is a delightful reply. And so true. I've advised more than one woman yearning to be free (or fearing divorce) to set up her own private bank account. There is something very empowering about having something exclusively yours. Especially if you have spent a lifetime giving your all to others.
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  agapa37

  Hazeleyes my heart goes out to you. My wife was molested as a child as well and it has really done a number on her. Again I am so sorry for that happening to you .

  It is so hard to give advice being so far away and not even knowing you as a person so all I can offer to you in way of advice concerning your situation with your HUSBAND is to learn from the mistakes you perceive to be mistakes. He sounds like a loser. I also suggest some type of counseling for dealing with your past. My heart breaks for you

  sincerly

  Agape
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  mouthy

  bump