Terry, I was raised as a JW, but never felt totally convinced that there was a loving God.
Now, I do not believe in God. When my husband left the JWs, I was desperate to make the right decision. Should I act on my doubts and leave with him, or ignore them and stay a witness?
I prayed INCESSANTLY for months, crying my heart and soul out to God for some sort of indication that I should stay. Nothing happened, (except more discouragement from the elders.) I then gave up on the JWs.
I even prayed to Jesus, asking him to 'come into my life', but nothing happened. I used to sit in my bedroom window at night pleading with ANYONE out there to help. I even opened the window one night and shouted loudly "Is there anyone there at all, PLEASE?"
I love life and we are a very happy family without religion. We all love science and study nature. We don't overindulge, steal, use foul language (much) or fornicate. Our only 'crime' which causes my parents to shun us is our atheistic thinking.
I did not give up on the concept of God easily, I put up a huge fight for years. When I desperately needed him, he wasn't there!
By the way, I respect those who feel that there is a god. I gave up being judgemental when I left the JW cult.
DNC