by Terry 52 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
Brigid,
Yes I feel poetic today too. Because of this thread, I actually took the time out to send my husband an email expressing how much I apprecaite it him because he is the stepdad to my 2 older kids, and we just had a baby together on 2/5/07, and he is just so willing to share the responsibilty, 50% 50% without me asking.
Nikki
Terry, you mentioned that you didn’t meet your dad till you were 25. I never had a close relationship with my dad. He passed away a few years ago. The sad thing is, I don’t miss him. How can you miss someone you never had. I think there is a connection here. For a long time I didn’t feel loved by God; that for a while I gave up on Him. What I realized that it wasn’t God who had forsaken me, it was my dad that had. He was never able to show me that he loved me. Is there a possibility that the same can be true for you? Being a man you might feel that you shouldn’t have these emotions; I don’t know.
My thinking was this. I am the result of who my dad is...at least genetically...but--I don't know what this actually means.
Once I met him I was able to figure it out.
I got my love of words from my dad. I got my love of language. I got my natural spelling ability (now faded through age) and typing speed from him too. (My dad and his sister were school spelling champs and typing speed record-holders; as was I.)
That meant the other half of the equation came from my mother. I got my artistic ability, sense of humor, musical ability and nasty temper from her.
It was a voyage of self-discovery.
I also discovered that my dad's side of the family has a lot of guts, but, no personal character.
My mom's side of the family has a lot of stubborness, but, no ambition.
Sometimes what we find out about what we are made of is not the happy discovery we had imagined.
Narkissos:I let my "god" be.
He has been mother and father, tender and cruel; desire and terror and shame and despair, grace and love and joy; worry and peace, sense and nonsense, music and silence; tears and laughter, strength and weakness, work and rest, revolt and submission; presence and absence, other and the same, all and nothing.
My choice is not to choose.
Ahh, but---NOT choosing IS a choice!
Terry that's pretty poignant, but you've astounded me, unless I'm reading too much into your post. Are you therefore an atheist who wishes there was a God?
I don't have the stomach for being an atheist. This makes me intellectually dishonest! Therefore I'm a coward.
I don't like that condition at all!!
That is why I'm always picking fights with True Believers. I hope to get one of them outraged enough to give me a sensible explanation of why I should be ABLE to just believe without chucking my brain in the dust bin.
But, alas! The responses I get are so mushy and soft and treacly I am forced more and more into an impatient snit!
I LOVE the idea of a Heavenly Father who really is quite smart and in control. But, I am disabused of this daily by the facts of history.
I know that "wishing" does NOT make anything so.
But, I also know that pretending is also cowardice.
I'd rather be an agnostic coward than a believing coward. One is more honest than the other if not intellectually so.
My gods live within me and without me like a symbiotic relationship. I need them/they need me. All of my gods are different reflections of the godhead to be called upon from within my psyche (first) for a particular facet that I might need or want to resonate with. That "they" issue from my mind make them no less powerful for the Mind is unbelievably powerful and generative and connected.
If "god" exists and is a male (somehow?!?) He shouldn't hide in the darkness of his paternity so.
If "god" exists and she is female (somehow?!?) She cannot possibly be any kind of mother and abandon her desperate children to such sadistic vicissitude.
I cannot find refuge in the Mystical because it means closing my eyes deliberately just to dream a dream of choice while the madness goes on outside of me.
Wasn't it Nero who fiddled while Rome burned?
I am truly happy for those who can embrace what I cannot experience if it brings them a measure of solace.
But, it is my toothache and it is real enough to make me miserable. I just wish the dentist wasn't invisible!
NOT choosing IS a choice!
So I should have written "paradox intended". You just can't take anything for granted...
So I should have written "paradox intended". You just can't take anything for granted...
You know how literal I am, Narkissos!!
Terry,
I hear you man. Many on this board have allowed themselves to get angry with you and your view of skepticism and your analysis of the world around us. Personally I could tell from what you write on this board all the time that what you posted in this thead was the way you felt. I'm glad you shared it with us, it is another layer in the story that is Terry.
For me, my personal confession is that when I started to leave the JWs I wanted everything about faith in God to be wrong. I wanted to be done with it all. But then, little by little as I came out of the Watchtower those feelings I had for God began to stir within me. I have eventually come out of the org with a completely differant view of faith and life. I have been up and down all along the way. At times I have been more of a skeptic, at other times the complete opposite. I think now i'm finally where I should be, all of the high emotinal irrational things have been pushed out of me and I'm moving at a nice slow pace. I still have my struggles, but they do not shake me to the core as when I was first coming out.
You'r a good guy Terry. Thanks for sharing.
-Drew
Hi fellow freedom fighters.
Remember the words of the great Frank Sinatra."Basically, I'm for anything that gets you through the night - be it prayer, tranquilizers
or a bottle of Jack Daniels." and he also said, "You gota love livin', baby, 'cause dyin' is a pain in the ass.
Just trying to cheer you up.
Edmund.
The stories here are vey deep, .. and, ... well thought out.
I have a very hard core hatred for this religion. My patience with my wife pushing me ever so gentle, is waring me thin.
There is so much on my plate right now, .. I find myself coming here to vent and keep up on things.
Thank you to all of you who understand.
.
