Months have passed now since Mr C and I officially separated. So why can't I get over it? Why am I still jealous? Why do I even care anymore? And what do I do to get him out of my head so that I can move on?
Why can't I just get over it and move on?
by Crumpet 47 Replies latest jw experiences
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I Know what I like, and I like what I know
There's no substitute for time
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skycaptain
hi i know how you feel i was married for 15 years which ended 6 years ago it took me 4 years untill i could move on, the reason you still have feelings and it takes time for these to evaparate,one thing i found of real help is to stop all comunication with that person,.
And most important do not find a replacement now, give yourself time , when a relationship ends with anybody who you have shown real love for hurts , its like getting over a big operation it takes time for the soreness and bruiseing to go away .
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Crumpet
hi i know how you feel i was married for 15 years which ended 6 years ago it took me 4 years untill i could move on, the reason you still have feelings and it takes time for these to evaparate,one thing i found of real help is to stop all comunication with that person,.
And most important do not find a replacement now, give yourself time , when a relationship ends with anybody who you have shown real love for hurts , its like getting over a big operation it takes time for the soreness and bruiseing to go away .
Thanks skycaptain. You are probably right. I am finding it very hard to let go that way though. I like to remain friends but maybe that has to go on pause until I can achieve the same emotional distance. He had a head start and emotionally distanced himself about 5 years before we split up though. I don't think I can cope with four years of trying to move on though!
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sass_my_frass
Aaaw, crumpets, the only thing really is time; you've got to heal. Fortunately it happens whether you're paying attention or not, so in the meantime do things that make you happy and maybe bring you a bit of meaning and personal growth.
Also, try out something very new and different for you and involve yourself in it. I recommend occasional volunteer work for the good feeling you get from helping somebody. (There's also the feeling we don't talk about; relief that there's somebody out there whose life is worse than yours...)
Isn't it time you did that millinery course?
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JH
Why am I still jealous? Why do I even care anymore? And what do I do to get him out of my head so that I can move on?
It must be because you really loved him.
Maybe you loved him more than he loved you.
Maybe you were dumped and that affects you more than the real person dumping you.
Maybe it's the fact of being alone......if you had someone else, your new love would make you forget him, just like his new love made him forget you.
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fullofdoubtnow
((((Crumpet))))
I really haven't got any personal experience of what you are going through right now, but as another poster said, time is the greatest healer.
I hope everything gets better for you very soon.
love
Linda
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skycaptain
hi the reason it took 4 years for me to move on was because we were sort of still friends and that tends to cultivate your feelings and and some kind of emotional attachment, and i have 3 grown up children who now live with my ex ,so in my case it took this length of time to move on .
But everybody is diffrent and also at that time i was still a JW which was of no help to me only in a negative way, I am of only recently now a EX JW and now look at life i feel at a better angle and more clearer,
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compound complex
Dear Crumpet,
So sorry for you! Don't we all seem to have the same heart-rending and gut-wrenching stories in common! I understand that personal study, field service and prayer are the answer to all our problems - actually, NOT! I could relate particularly to what Skycaptain said - likewise for me, six years and only now am I no longer in mourning.
I tried to continue communication with an absolutely non-respondent. After several attempts to relink via family blessing and support through the KH community, I realized that I had the right to go on with my life. My lifeline has been JWD and "worldly" friends. My goodness, those "worldly" people, who never take advantage of you, who are unstintingly generous, whose love is unconditional. It's only fair to add that JW friends and family have been good to me.
But it's taken TIME. Not to worry! If I basket case like me could survive, a lady with your spunk and pluck has more than a fighting chance. Just stay here and/or with other support groups (AL-ANON is really helping me now) and, as already recommended, get involved with volunteerism - helping a kid, for example. I've been a teacher for some forty years and nothing compares to helping a child.Peace and love to a dear person,
CoCo
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DJK
The most common response in a situation like this is, in time you will get over it. Been there and that doesn't help the hurt at the present. Time does do it and that will varie with everyone. Being more active may help even in new interests. A different mindset might even tell you, enough is enough, and you just move on. It will happen.