Why can't I just get over it and move on?

by Crumpet 47 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Satans little helper

  I know it sounds a bit "right on" and preachy but you need to be comfortable with being on your own before you can get your head together and be completely OK about getting on with the rest of your life. I came out of engagement no 1 (there have been 3) after 4 years and it took me a while to work out who I was outside of the relationship; I was only 18 when I met her and that was just after leaving home and being disfellowshipped, so I had grown up alot in those 4 years and a large part of my personality was invested in that chapter of my life.

  I ended up going through a few short term relationships over the following couple of years before I stepped back and took a while to concentrate on enjoying being single and all the stuff I could do as a single person that I couldn't do when I was part of a couple (staying in bed all day, going out with my friends when I felt like it and generally being myself). Getting over it happens slowly and part of that is remembering that you operated just fine before you met that person, and will do again for a long time after they have left your life.
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  Crumpet

  Maybe you were dumped and that affects you more than the real person dumping you.

  Maybe it's the fact of being alone......if you had someone else, your new love would make you forget him, just like his new love made him forget you.

  jeez JH you really know how to cheer a girl up! LOL! I should say whilst I may appear to be playing the victim. No one actually dumped anyone. I decided that I would move out. He didn't try to stop me. He doesn't have a new love that I am aware of! But he deserves to have one and I phoned and told him that I do want him to be happy so much, but that doesnt stop me having the odd murderous twinge. I swear there must be some latino blood in me! We both laughed and I feel comforted.

  I feel like I am growing up. I am acting like a mature human being. I am accepting that I miss him but also that I will try to control my impulses and just be happy when he finds happiness.

  As for finding a new love -it is way too early for that. I may have to immerse myself in several new loves for a while though to remind myself how to be alive again. I have a date next weekend with a lovely woman I have been chatting to. We're going out into the country for a picnic - if I dont go chicken!

  Thanks everyone for your comments. Skycaptain I didnt realise you were new. You are from Scotland just like ex Mr C - *sobs briefly,. then pulls herself together*.

  (Coco - you made me laugh - you devil!)
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  JH

  jeez JH you really know how to cheer a girl up! LOL

  I was just trying to dish out possibilities, as I can see doesn't apply.

  OK, lets see how I can cheer you up......ok go see my new myspace page I just put up.
• 

  free2think

  (((((((((((((((((((((((((Crumpet)))))))))))))))))))))))))

  I don't really have any advice, but I'm sending you

  (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))
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  greendawn

  That's how these separations are, emotions are sticky and it takes a while for them to dissolve, as many said above it's a matter of time it won't be long before it a new morning arrives. I suppose being with other people and airing these feelings helps get rid of them.
• 

  UnConfused

  Don't blame yourself. Once I get under your skin there is no getting over me.

  So ladies watch yourselves.

  Mr. C
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  DanTheMan

  I would agree about stopping intentional communication. It's one thing to run into an ex at the grocery or something and engage in a bit of friendly small talk. It's another thing to be calling them and telling them you wish them well and that they deserve somebody great, etc. It sounds to me as if you are trying to emotionally process your split-up by talking about the split-up with the guy you split-up with. Not a good strategy for moving on if you ask me. Said processing is why they invented friends, internet message boards, etc. LOL
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  nvrgnbk

  Don't blame yourself. Once I get under your skin there is no getting over me.

  So ladies watch yourselves.

  Mr. C

  Looks like somebody got their MOJO back! Rock on UnConfused!

  Nvr
• 

  Crumpet

  I would agree about stopping intentional communication. It's one thing to run into an ex at the grocery or something and engage in a bit of friendly small talk. It's another thing to be calling them and telling them you wish them well and that they deserve somebody great, etc. It sounds to me as if you are trying to emotionally process your split-up by talking about the split-up with the guy you split-up with. Not a good strategy for moving on if you ask me. Said processing is why they invented friends, internet message boards, etc. LOL

  I know you are probably right.

  There's the scene in a movie with Barbara Streisand who is going through a break up and she calls the guy she is breaking up with in tears because as she says "you are my best friend". That is how it feels a bit. I worry that he will be lonely and not find it as easy to make friends as I do as I am much more gregarious and outgoing. Then I worry that far from being lonely, someone else will be warming up my side of the bed in no time. But it was my bed too, for nine years!

  Its a confusing mixture of emotions. But he did ask if I wanted to get lunch and I said I did but for my own heart it was better I didn't. I'll see him next week when he takes me to the airport for my Dallas trip.
• 

  fifi40

  Crumpet - Firstly in a purely platonic way, may I say you are a very gorgeous bird who should have gazillions of fella's falling over themselves, and I think you should stop moping about over said ex who basically hasnt got the balls to get it right with you and fight for you. I dont want that to sound hurtful and so to clarify what I mean, when you left he should have fought to get you back because there are plenty of blokes who wouldnt have let you go in the first place!

  Secondly, take out of this previous relationships all the positives, and by this I mean you should now have a clearer understanding of what you want from a relationship and your man. This wasnt a failure it was a learning experience.

  Thirdly, I cant agree enough with the other posters, that you have to cut the tie. Maybe you can be friends a few years down the line, but now is not a good time for that. You both need space to be able to heal and move on. And you have to look forward and set yourselves some goals for the future, taking small steps toward them.

  If your really struggling. why not get some counselling and dont forget if you start acting like you've moved on your mind will play catch up pretty quickly.

  Your gorgeous girl and someone great is going to be lucky enough to love you and be loved back by you.

  Hugs.

  Fi