YOUR DAILY JOURNAL

by compound complex 1320 Replies latest jw friends

  • compound complex
    compound complex

    I had decided that it was time to return home, but it was not so much with reluctance as with severe misgivings. Certainly, I missed my loved ones – we had not seen each other for the greater part of a dozen years – and they, I’m willing to venture, felt a longing to rekindle familial fires. Having departed abruptly (with no notice whatsoever) because of personal torment over an explosive encounter with Guy, I felt enormous guilt for hurting my perplexed family and friends. I was so ashamed that I could barely breathe, racked as I was with anger over my own vulnerability – no, stupidity is the more precise word.

    Shouldn’t a person burned not once, but twice before, be wary of the danger signals? These warnings never fail to display themselves, and in my case, in so large and evident a manner. Was I so sidetracked by perceived loyalty due a friend that I couldn't sense what my family readily discerned and warned me against? Where exactly were my emotions taking me? I don’t really know if I could have averted calamity by simply taking the less risky avenue of approach with what began as a friend’s innocuous request for help.

    Who isn’t willing to go out on a limb for a friend?

  • compound complex
    compound complex

    My mother, may she rest in peace, had no difficulty whatsoever in making clear her meaning. If she told you to "go to and stay put," there could be no misunderstanding where you stood with her. That proverbial hot spot would be an oasis of repose and calm, preferable to any further time spent in her society. Beat a hasty retreat before the wrath of the Furies descends upon you. I did not inherit her "charming" manner but would have welcomed her mere supportive presence when dealing with Guy.

    Guy was without a doubt the most lovable and generous fellow on planet earth. You've already heard about the shirt coming off so-and-so's back. I'll refrain, therefore, from further wearing out that hackneyed saying. But he would do it, I swear he would, because I've got that shirt. You'd never go hungry nor without a roof over your head. Got bully troubles? Well, believe you me, Guy could out-bully the meanest, nastiest blackguard in town. He was your guardian angel, he was your support in your darkest hour ...

    But something happened in Guy's head and I needed protection from him. I was somewhat joking about Mom the Bodyguard, but I sure could have used her wisdom. Apart from her knowing the most reasonable and expeditious manner of handling a sticky situation, she, nevertheless, had no difficulty standing anyone down. Anyone.

    I'm afraid I took my mother for granted.

  • compound complex
    compound complex

    A person who wishes to own or dominate another could rightly be described as possessive. This word - "possessive" - has been eluding me for days. My thoughts have been gravitating toward the inordinate need (or is it an obsessive desire?) we humans have for one another. I thought of the terms "dependent" and "clinging vine." Oh, yes ... "needy." However, possessive was the word I frequently heard my Aunt Rose use to describe her jealous husband's unreasonable demands upon her time and attention. It just now came to me, and I had to hop out of bed to put down my thoughts. After all, this long-sought after word that so many of the women in my family used in connection with their overwrought mates could once again slip my sieve of a brain.

    It's because of my friendship with Guy that I was seeking this elusive word so perfectly descriptive of his nature. He was all the good things, and more, that I related to you earlier. His loyalty and trueness elicited willing reciprocation from his friends. Isn't that what love is all about? It knows no boundaries. There are no limitations. In his hand Guy held the hearts of many a devoted kindred spirit. Little did I anticipate the escalating costs of this singular relationship, one that would result in the bankruptcy of my soul and spirit.

    Do you recall my earlier statement about his making an innocuous request?

  • llbh
    llbh

    Dear Coco,

    I hear and see your dilemna it must be gut churning for you to go through. The way your mum dealt with things has its merits, but as you appreciate advice is awlways better recieved when given with kindness.

    Wishing you well

    David

  • compound complex
    compound complex

    YOUR DAILY JOURNAL

    Thanks, Dave, for your concern.

    Though what you're reading is based on events in the lives of friends and family, as well as in my own life, names and places have been changed. In addition, actual situations and their details have been modified into similar but altered scenarios; any suffering described is now in the past. I'm grateful, nevertheless, for your response and wanted you to know that I really am all right.

    You're a good friend.

    CoCo

  • compound complex
    compound complex

    YOUR DAILY JOURNAL

  • cognac
    cognac

    Dear Diary, (or CoCo, lol)

    I'm starting to learn a lot more about myself. I'm also learning that I really like the person that I am.

    Once I learned to set boundaries with the people that are toxic in my life, I've started to really live a much happier life.

    It's to bad the people that are supposed to be close to me can't really see me. I bet if they saw the person that I am they would really like me! Under all the JW stuff, some of them are really nice, good people too. Just wish the JW stuff didn't have to take over all the time and cause so much pain.

    Now that my husband and I don't really deal with religion to much with eachother, we have started to come to know eachother a bit more. I kinda like him, lol.

    Anyways, that's all for today.

    Cognac

  • compound complex
    compound complex

    Dear Cognac,

    I appreciate your reply.

    I'm going through something similar, so your words are a definite encouragement to me. And others, too, I'm sure!

    Thanks, and all the best to you and yours.

    CoCo

  • compound complex
    compound complex

    Guy's request certainly seemed innocent enough.

    He was always ready to help any desperate soul, no matter the need, no matter the time of day, no matter what side of the world. He had enormous energy and drive. That, coupled with this innate sense of duty toward his fellow man, was a force for good almost without equal - at least in my small experience as an individual interested in helping others. Guy's well-intentioned agenda toward humanity - and, incidentally, largely on behalf of the underdog - was that if he were moved to do it, well, then, by golly, so should you! God didn't put your sorry self on earth to live a life of entitlement but, rather, to travel through as simply and frugally as possible. True joy and purpose should derive naturally from humility and service to your neighbor. What else could possibly be out there?

    Guy had absolutely no patience for that pious slacker who forever made loud protestations of wanting to help you attain your life's dream but never lifted a finger to help in a mundane but genuinely helpful way. My friend, however, was on a virtual crusade to aid those downtrodden and friendless souls who were denizens of town's dodgier lanes and alleys. He was a saint, unofficially recognized: "good" was too paltry a term to describe his deeds.

    He wanted my help ...

  • llbh
    llbh

    Dear Coco,

    I am so glad to hear that you are well and love the poetry of your expression.

    I have embarked on a journey which has changed my life forever. I am so looking foward it.

    Regards to you Coco my friend

    David

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