Never!
At what point have you crossed the "cheating" line?
by free2beme 41 Replies latest jw friends
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Nosferatu
It's interesting to see others' perceptions on cheating.
For me, it's sex with another person. There's a reason why the line is drawn so far into it...
I look at the lives of celebrities. They have members of the opposite sex grabbing them, looking at them, hugging them, kissing them, etc etc etc. The thing is, I can actually relate to that. I've had women kiss me without me initiating anything. It's something that's kinda out of my control. Women will flirt with me and buy me drinks even if they know I'm married. It's something that I personally cannot help. I never develope any emotional attachment to the women who show me such affection and therefore I don't consider any of it cheating.
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Open mind
How about posting here on JWD, (like me) when your loyal-dub spouse doesn't know?
Is that "mental cheating"? I've always posted with the viewpoint (hope) that someday she may actually read what I've written.
But as time goes on, I often wonder if she would view how much time & energy I've spent here without her knowledge as a violation of trust at some level.
Open Mind
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ninja
my wife knows I post here...she doesn't agree with it...but she knows if she kicks up too much of a fuss I won't drive her down to her cleaning job at the male stripper club.....she knows who's boss....muhahahaha
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Tuesday
to quote Jerry Seinfeld here "when the nipple makes it's first appearance"
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minimus
If you are in a relationship, would the other person think it was ok to do this or that? If one feels kissing another is fine, then it's not cheating. I know of no one that thinks that way. And yes, most men I know who say tthey would never cheat on their wife believe that BJs and handjobs do not constitute cheating.
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minimus
Richie, I'm with you/
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ninja
for the record I think any inappropriate stuff with another is cheating....and I'm sure my wife does too...I'll ask her when she gets back from cleaning the body building gym...she loves to clean that woman
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undercover
I agree with Richie for the most part...unless your significant other is a little too protective or over jealous.
In a healthy relationship, one where there are very little secrets kept and there is complete trust, then any activity or relationship with somone else that you keep from your mate, while maybe not cheating, is setting up the potential for a problem later. There may be some emotional attachment to another person that can pull you away from your mate. That's a problem.
Now if one mate is unreasonably jealous or suspicious, then it may be okay for the other mate to not tell every little event of their daily life to them just to keep them from getting all worked up over nothing, provided that it is nothing and that the first partner has never done anything in the past to cause their mate to distrust them. Even then, it can be a dangerous thing.
I had a friend (seriously, a friend, not me) whose wife didn't trust him out of her sight. If he got a phone call, she would stand there until he hung up and he would get the third degree on what it was about. If, on the rare occasion that he went out with us guys, if were going to be more than 5 minutes late, he had to call her and let her know (this was before the days of cell phones, so we always had to stop and find a pay phone for him). He eventually just quit hanging out with us, which is exactly what she wanted anyway. I saw him talking to a single sister at the hall one time (something he usally avoided) and his wife stood several yards away staring a hole through him as if she could produce ligtening bolts of fire that would consume him right there in his shoes.
He was completely faithful to her and had done nothing to warrant that treatment...but after several years of being badgered, henpecked and untrusted he eventually gave in to becoming emotionally attached to someone who was more caring and funloving. At first it was a "friendship" but I saw the potential for trouble, especially when I knew he was hiding this "friendship" from his wife. Eventually he committed the big "A". It came as no surprise to those of us who knew him well. His wife absolutely never trusted him and belittled him. She got exactly what she feared and expected.
While I didn't condone his actions, I knew full well that he was emotionally starved and was pushed into finding affection and acceptance elsewhere. Of course he got DFd and his wife got the full treatment of support from the congregation as if she was absolutely the finest person on earth, not to mention that she took him to the cleaners via alimony.
At what point did he cross the cheating line? I would have say at the point that his emotional attachment to his "friend" interfered with his feelings for his wife, way before any physical contact was made. He may have been pushed into it, but he's the one who committed the wrong.
That's why I think that divorce JW style is so damaging. If these two had not been JWs, he could have come to his senses earlier, divorced her and moved on, but intead he was trapped. He took the only avenue out that he could...and now its costing him in all kinds of ways.
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Nowman
Why do people cross this line anyway? Human nature. I am happily married (the second time), I was too young the 1st time. But that does not mean I do not notice people that I think are attractive. Its fun to laugh and giggle about some HOT guy with my girlfriends...Its fun...when I go home at the end of the day (so to speak), I go home to my awesome husband. I have fantasies, and I betcha so does my husband...
In most cases where I know someone who cheats, is always because the man or the woman are VERY insecure about themselves, very needy.
Nikki