I'm currently a ministerial servant and pioneer in my congregation. I want to begin my fade soon. I'm going to get off the pioneer list first instead of quitting both positions at once, hopefully to ease potential gossip. Any ideas as to what I can expect from the elders?
Attention former elders and ms: I have a question.
by R.F. 49 Replies latest jw experiences
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Warlock
I think you will have no problem with the pioneering. The problem will come when you try to step down from M.S. The P.O. really tried to talk me out of it and told me to consider the fact that it would be very difficult to get back to the position. He proved to be right.
Then again, you may not have a problem with the elder body at all.
Warlock
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free2beme
Lots of calls, some visits, make sure you say you just need time on your own and not that you have doubts. Explain you would like to step down, for personal reasons, and explain you did nothing wrong ... you just do not feel up to the responsiblities. Then just limit your contact with the Witnesses and stop returning even calls from friends who are in as they are being directed by elders to call you. In time, it will get less and less and soon ... about six month to a year, it is over, your a fader
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bigmouth
I changed my congregation and did sufficiently little to be re-appointed.
My clinical depression did the rest! They stayed away in droves. -
Arthur
I was also a Ministerial Servant while serving as a Regular Pioneer. From what I observed, the elders are generally sympathetic to Pioneers going off of the list when personal difficulties arise for them. When I was a Pioneer, there were two Pioneer sisters who went off of the list for personal reasons. They told everyone that it was only temporary - and most of the friends were sympathetic. I, on the other hand, never stepped down as one, because I was accepted to Bethel while serving.
There is a very easy way to step down as a M.S. without actually stepping down. You could move congregations. You will not be re-appointed in the new congregation unless you are getting at least 10 hours of service each month (which is the general rule of thumb in most areas). You could begin a gradual decrease of service time and meeting attendance as soon as you arive at the new congregation.
The thing about doing the "fade" is that it is extremely difficult to pull off unless you are able to move far away and never attend a new congregation. If your family are JWs who live in the same area as you, then I would say that doing the fade is almost impossible, as has been the case with me. I tried to fade, but it has become totally obvious to my JW family.
Those of us who have family in the org usually face disfellowshipping when our views become known. It hasn't happened with me yet, but I know that it is a certain eventuality.
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R.F.
I've considered moving to another congregation, but I wouldn't be able to move FAR away right now. I know of a few young guys that used to be in my congregation that moved to another city about 20 miles away and from what I understand, they appear to be on the fade themselves. The positive to that is that the congregation they are in is in a different circuit which seems to be an advantage. I might take similar steps. I toyed with the idea today of just doing like a few former elders here locally, just never showing up again. DARN THOSE PESKY FAMILY TIES AND UNRESOLVED RELATIONSHIP ISSUES OF MINE!!!!
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bigmouth
"...a few former elders here locally, just never showing up again. " !!!!!!!!! That must have been a scream R.F.!!
Are you sure they weren't just taken out by a deranged apostate? -
R.F.
Haha!! They left over the course of several years, but it would truly be a shocker if it was at one time. Come to find out that one elder just stopped because he was bored and tired of the organization, but he told the other elders he just had hurt feelings.
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erandir
The thing about doing the "fade" is that it is extremely difficult to pull off unless you are able to move far away and never attend a new congregation. If your family are JWs who live in the same area as you, then I would say that doing the fade is almost impossible, as has been the case with me. I tried to fade, but it has become totally obvious to my JW family.
I've been doing the fade, apparently, for about 2 years now. I have 3 major excuses that have kept things quiet for me. I had clinical depression. I was stumbled by 2 elders and also by my previous employers who are a family of witnesses (I seriously do not recommend working for witnesses! But that's another topic.), and that was the focus of a sheparding call at one time. And I had to take a job working nights which basically keeps me from the meetings during the week. I don't attend Sundays, and I've skipped the last memorial and the special assembly day.
I was not raised in the "truth", none of my family is in it. I studied for a year and was baptised less than a decade ago along with my wife (same for her as well). (I'm being vague with dates here for a reason.) My wife is still active and in good standing and does her best to tell the elders to leave me alone and that I'll talk when I'm ready.
So it's been relatively easy for me to keep my distance, and yet there are a few families who still invite us over for social things. I'm awaiting a call or visit from a couple elders soon, though. This all seems too good to be true.
I guess that in my case, I didn't have to move to another congregation. My wife seems to think no one will push the issue as long as I lie low and keep out of trouble. :)
I hope that experience helps somewhat in your decision, R.F.
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WTWizard
You could try moving in the borderline between two congregations, preferably one that would make you switch by maybe a few hundred feet. You go to some of your old meetings and some of the new congregation's meetings. Of course, you should never officially switch congregations--that way, you technically belong to the old congregation but occasionally go to the other one's meetings.
Once you establish this pattern, you might start missing meetings. Each congregation will think you went to the other's meeting, when in fact you blew the whole thing off. In the meantime, start decreasing service so you no longer meet the quota for pioneering (then, getting off the list will be less of a problem). For some reason, I don't think you will have much trouble getting deleted as a ministerial servant if you are floating between two congregations and fake having a hard time deciding between which to stay with (and ultimately falling through the crack between both). This procedure can take several years, and with the 2008 Craptower arrangement looming ahead, pulling off a fade might be more difficult after they start cracking down. Obviously, you should start now.