Attention former elders and ms: I have a question.

by R.F. 49 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  95stormfront

  "I can no longer (pioneer/serve as an MS) for personal reasons." Put it in writing and sign it. Hand it to the P.O.

  They will want to talk with you about it to find out your "personal reasons." When they do, repeat after me:

  "As I said, it's for personal reasons."

  I would think that fading gets a whole lot easier when you get to the point where you assert a little independence and not feel that you have to answer their questions just because they ask them.

  There is no boundaries within the congregation being a JW. Everyone is in everyone else's business and there is an unspoken expectation that you're supposed to answer any question posed to you. Nothing is too personal for them to feel that they can stick their noses in and provide a catch all magazine answer for.
• 

  lawrence

  Be a real slacker! Be a no-show! First stop the service. Reasons - none. Stop attending meetings (call the P.O. an hour before you have each talk or part). You have no time to meet with them. You have no time for anything. "How about taking out the group on Saturday?" "Sorry, but I have committed to..." Do nothing, say little, and just act unaware. Create a 2 month time table of more and more slacker actions, and by then you'll have 0 hours, 0 talks, 0 responsibilities, and finally 0 meetings. INACTION vs. ACTION! Always maintain a smile and cheerful attitude, but do nothing and trust none of them.
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  I've seen a few "brothers" who have announced they are stepping down, and the elders take MONTHS to
  make it official. They keep assigning work as if nothing has been said. This is an unacceptable control tactic
  in my opinion. When you step down, stop all activity along that line.

  Good advice. When I stepped aside, by citing doubts, they decided to ask Mother Borg for directions.
  I said "I am done, now." I turned all assignments over that instant, informed them that I had upcoming
  assignments that needed to be turned over to someone else. I gave them no choice. They still didn't
  announce my stepping aside for 7 more weeks.

  Whatever reason you use for stopping the pioneer service, one suggestion is to keep making it worse
  and expand the problem. Examples- you cite depression. (One of the best) Miss a few meetings, don't
  show up when someone was expecting you to carry out an assignment, calling at the very last minute to
  tell them you won't be there. Tell them you are seeing a therapist.
• 

  RubaDub

  I was a MS about to be appointed as an elder on the next CO visit. Had already given the requisite symposium and then 2 public talks.

  To do the fade, I simply began attending another congregation "closer" to my work since I tended to work late on meeting nights.

  Once I switched, the fade began and I stayed off everyone's radar long enough that I certainly didn't qualify to be a MS in the new cong. with only 2 or 3 hours a month in the service.

  Now, it's about a meeting or so a month to stay "in touch."

  If you can change congregations, THAT is a big help on the road to fade.

  Rub a Dub
• 

  undercover

  I would think that fading gets a whole lot easier when you get to the point where you assert a little independence and not feel that you have to answer their questions just because they ask them.

  I have to agree. When I first started fading (unintentionally) I was constantly encouraged on the occassions that I did attend the meetings. Even to the point of a couple of elders being a bit nosy and wanting to know what was "bothering me". Though as I stated before, they only came to my house twice.

  After a while I got tired of being constantly questioned whenever I showed up at the hall, so I stopped trying to answer. I said as little as possible and never answered their questions. I learned also that I had to appear in control and confident. I couldn't show any fear or apprehension. After the incident when one elder got all self-righteous in my home and I asked him to leave, they quit bothering me. I had at long last, stood up and asserted myself. I had always been the humble slave to the elders, doing what they asked, answering whatever questions they asked. Even when I disagreed, I assumed that since they were elders, I had to obey. When I stood up to them and actually jumped back in this elder's shit, it stunned them.

  If one acts confident and doesn't allow anyone in the congregation to intimidate them, then I think it does make it easier to miss meetings and service and not face an inquisition. In time, as you disappear from all meetings, no one misses you or wants to inquire too much about what's going on.
• 

  95stormfront

  When I stood up to them and actually jumped back in this elder's shit, it stunned them.
  

  If one acts confident and doesn't allow anyone in the congregation to intimidate them, then I think it does make it easier to miss meetings and service and not face an inquisition.

  This is the exact approach I took when they visited me in my home last summer.

  I was already pissed that t hey'd interrupted my day off with my wife giviing me "the look" when I showed less than enthusiastic interest in talking to them. They started off nice enough, but I got tired of telling them the same things they'd already heard from me before. We were talking about bible topics, they were pushing their Noah analogy "we be the modern day ark" crap.....then they tried turning the conversation to I'm doing wrong by not submitting to their line of reasoning.

  I shut them both down by point blank telling them that I thought we were talking about Bible topics and not whether or not I was doing something wrong.

  Needless to say, they both gave each other "the look" and were taken aback that they were talked that way.

  Elders are used to dealing with people hanging on every word they say. Show them just a little bit of independent confidence, coupled with using the bible to make your points instead of WT articles as they do, show you're not intimidated by their "double-team" and they back off in a hurry. They're ill equipped in dealing with people who don't grovel at their feet.
• 

  avidbiblereader

  From what "appears" to be a lack of qualified men serving, I would expect them to try to talk you out of any stepping down. Usually pioneering is easier to step down as most on the "body" have never done it and cannot say from experience to keep trying.

  Stepping down as a MS could prove to be more challenging, just tell them you no wish to serve and it is best not to be a liar then to be "hypocritical". Ask them what do you think Jehovah or Christ would rather me do, tell them the only thing worst in the Bible than a sinner is a hypocrit, you don't want to be one!

  Go through the motions with the same outcome or just step down now?

  If they dont' respect that then just stop all parts, talks and assignments, they will get it in a month or less,

  If they ask why, use the scripture at 1 Thess 4:11 and to make it YOUR aim to live quietly and to mind YOUR own business and work with YOUR hands, just as we ordered YOU;

  abr
• 

  R.F.

  Thanks for the advise guys and gals. I will keep all these suggestions in mind. I think for now that the safest bet for me is to move to another congo close by that isn't in my current circuit and stop meetings altogether to not get noticed. I was amazed at how ones in my cong aren't too familiar with ones from different circuits.
• 

  R.F.

  Thanks for the advise guys and gals. I will keep all these suggestions in mind. I think for now that the safest bet for me is to move to another congo close by that isn't in my current circuit and stop meetings altogether to not get noticed. I was amazed at how ones in my cong aren't too familiar with ones from different circuits.
• 

  R.F.

  Thanks for the advise guys and gals. I will keep all these suggestions in mind. I think for now that the safest bet for me is to move to another congo close by that isn't in my current circuit and stop meetings altogether to not get noticed. I was amazed at how ones in my cong aren't too familiar with ones from different circuits.