Not an elder here, but it won't stop me from throwing in my two cents. When you are ready to step down as MS, keep this in mind. I've seen a few "brothers" who have announced they are stepping down, and the elders take MONTHS to make it official. They keep assigning work as if nothing has been said. This is an unacceptable control tactic in my opinion. When you step down, stop all activity along that line. If you are scheduled for activities or meeting parts, don't show up. It's their own darn fault for keeping you on the list. Make them pay, and make them scramble for their own replacements.
Attention former elders and ms: I have a question.
by R.F. 49 Replies latest jw experiences
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nvrgnbk
I tried to resign like 5 times as an elder before they would accept it.
Moving congos is a great suggestion. Easy to slip through the cracks.
Also, tell them you are discouraged. They hate that $hit.
That should keep them away.
Stay focused! Your ultimate goal is to get as far away from the cult as possible.
The freedom and relief you will ultimately feel will make all the grief worthwhile.
Good luck!
Nvr
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AK - Jeff
I could never 'fade' - I have a big mouth, and say what I know. But others are successfull.
The best 'fades' I have seen here on JWD involve a carefully laid plan and timing. You are on the right track - drop the Pioneering, then in 3 or 4 months the MS step down. Start missing a few meetings within 4 or 5 months of that, then gradually miss more and more. Humbly admit that you are 'tired', 'loosing focus', 'need personal time'. Eventually stop meetings altogether. Give no other reason than those listed. Admit to being 'weak' as this will satisfiy the Jw mentality.
Of course a total exit from the organization - including eventual acceptance of holidays or other 'pagan' ideas, will mean likely that you would have to get lost in the crowd, by moving.
Unfortunately there is no dignified way to just leave.
Jeff
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undercover
Former MS here...
I was removed from the MS ranks because my hours were low in field service. Not once did they (the elders) try to encourage me or let me know that I was flirting with being below the average I needed to maintain.
After the initial surprise (the meeting to tell me lasted about 5 minutes and then they rushed me out) I was relieved. No more leading the group, no more instruction talks. No more service meeting parts.
I was already checking out mentally, even though I had not figured it out myself at that point. It wasn't long before my meeting attendance became eratic and I become irregular in the field service.
By the time I felt the need to seriously question the religion, I was already inactive. So my fade was relatively easy, compared to some of the horror stories I've heard.
In your case, it all depends on your congregation and your body of elders. How nosy is everyone? How involved with the lives of the pioneers and MSs are the elders? In my congregation, once I became inactive, I received two sheparding calls. On the second one, I ended up kicking an elder out of my house...and this was before I had realized the religion was all BS. He was a pompous ass and he pushed my patience to the limit. After that I never heard from the elders again, nor many of my former "friends".
Every situation is different. There's no one way to exercise a "fade". One has to face each situation as it arises and find away around it. Odds are, though, that between all the different posters here, someone will have faced whatever obstacle lies next for you. As you move forward in fading, feel free to ask how we might have handled a similar situation and from all the different repsones you get you can come up with a plan that works best for you.
Good luck.
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Scully
I know of a few young guys that used to be in my congregation that moved to another city about 20 miles away and from what I understand, they appear to be on the fade themselves. The positive to that is that the congregation they are in is in a different circuit which seems to be an advantage.
That's exactly how we managed our fade. We moved. We never went to meetings in the new congregation, so they didn't know us from a hole in the ground, and the people in the old congregation didn't expect us to be at the meetings or circuit assemblies anymore either. It was perfect.
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timmycat
The best thing is to say that you have cant handle the load and certain things have come up in you're life you have to deal with. Just say you cant cope anymore, basically that is truthfull for whatever reasons you are being honest. Why create more hassles, just go.
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LennyinBluemont
Repeat after me:
"I can no longer (pioneer/serve as an MS) for personal reasons." Put it in writing and sign it. Hand it to the P.O.
They will want to talk with you about it to find out your "personal reasons." When they do, repeat after me:
"As I said, it's for personal reasons."
Repeat as necessary. Say no more. The less said the better. Don't take the bait. Remember your mantra: "It's for personal reasons."
This worked for me, even when the Circuit Overseer insisted on knowing why. It really frustrated him, but I wouldn't let it get to me, and just kept telling him, "As I said, It's for personal reasons." They can't convict you for that.
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aquagirl
i dont know,they df'd me after like 20 years of faded bliss..its true.and effective fade would have to involve geographical relocation..good luck!!!!!!
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asleif_dufansdottir
Move to unassigned territory
Years ago when we first started attending, a former pioneer couple, him an MS, both stopped pioneering, and he eventually stepped down. Fortunately for them, our congo bounded unassigned territory, and his parents had, if I remember right, moved off their farm and into town.
He must have been pretty desperate because his wife didn't drive and their 2 pre-teen kids and her were stuck in an awful old farm house miles from anywhere (way off even what passed for a 'good gravel road'), and he had to drive miles to work in a nearby small town.
They were pretty unhappy with our congo (our PO was a complete ass, which even the 'good' JWs knew...but were, of course, waiting on Jehovah), and announced they were going to attend another congo about the same distance in another direction. Far as i know, they faded, although she *wanted* to keep attending and for a while I actually drove out to get her and all the way in for the service meetings a couple of times a week (about 60 miles one way before getting to the meeting...which of course I wasn't supposed to 'count' as I had nowhere really to start my time ). Of course she never had money for gas but I was trying to be a good JW.
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golf2
It depends on YOUR situation, either a gradual fad (like a golf shot) or cut-off all ties. Your in the best position to know your circumstance. Think it through.
Golf