You Must Marry Only In The Lord!

by The wanderer 40 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  jgnat

  Don't get me started on the dynamics of limited supply. We had the same dysfunctional behavior in my (evangelical) church. Twice in twenty years I witnessed a frantic pairing of the available singles, as it became apparent that the top picks had paired up. Imagine how the leftover singles felt! Twice I ended up eyeing the dregs of the barrel, and said under my breath, "No way." The dregs were suitably insulted.

  Some of those pairings were a huge disaster. They'd picked from what was "available", not where their heart led them. Their temperaments just didn't match. Talk about unequally yoked! I concluded that a well-yoked couple includes MANY factors, not just religious orientation.

  There are other sub-groups that suffer from limited supply. Little people, for instance, may have ttouble finding another "little person" to live with, as I learned from watching "Little People, Big World" from TLC. Just like the JW's the parents are dragging the teenagers to conventions and suchlike to check out the available supply.

  http://tlc.discovery.com/fansites/lpbw/lpbw.html

  So I married a JW instead!
• 

  YoursChelbie

  In four years, I had two "brothers" propose to me.

  But it would have been a lot better if the pool of "candidates" was bigger, of course.

  YC
• 

  MR. BORN AGAIN

  I don't know why but growing up in "Da Troof" I never even considered being with a JW. They were sisters...right??? Something inside of me just didn't feel right viewing a JW as a mate. Kinda crazy...I'd rather have a decent worldy girl
• 

  jaguarbass

  I got married at 19 my wife was 17. I got married because, I loved, lusted for my wife and didnt want to have sex before I got married because of being scared by the bible and relgion. I was pretty naive. I grew up in a kingdum hall.

  I was forced to go to meetings until I graduated at 18 by my mother. I married my wife, a witness because we were attracted to each other. At 19, I would guess I knew about 10 potential mates, 5 from the troof 5 from school and it just happened that the most potential and suitable was a witness. I would have married a worldly girl if a suitable one was available and interested.

  Had I not married a witness, I would have been out of the troof at 19, in 1971, I would have missed armegedon, And I would probably be on another dicussion board discussing a whole different set of problems and experiences. I could be on a disabled military veterans discussion board. Or maybe I wouldnt have any regrets or problems.

  Then I would just be on the porn board.
• 

  serendipity

  Since I'm still single, I guess it wasn't hard to follow the command and I'm kind of glad I didn't marry a JW because it could make fading a lot harder. The saddest thing about the whole situation is that I didn't get to have more children. I can still find love, but it's a bit late to have babies.
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  CyrusThePersian

  When I was young, my problem in "marrying only in the Lord" was exactly the opposite from most people here. Growing up in Memphis TN, there were LOTS of single guys and very few single sisters. (Based on my fuzzy memory, back in the seventies there were 17 single brothers in their teens to early twenties and only four sisters in the same age range in my old congregation.) Of course the sisters only went with the most gung-ho fast-track-to-be-elder types which left the rest of us slobs with nothing to do on Saturday night. Most of us would go out of town, visiting other congregations, scoping out the prospects in Arkansas, Mississippi and west Tennessee or waiting for the conventions.

  I eventually married a woman who lived sixty miles away from me. My best friend married a girl from Columbia, South Carolina. (He went WAAAYY out of town!). Another friend moved to Arkansas to get married.

  Ironically, my daughter, who still lives in Memphis, says that the situation is still the same. She is the only single sister in her congregation and is constantly hit on by all the single brothers there!

  CyrusThePersian
• 

  sass_my_frass

  My former flatmate is very, very very choosy. She'd be 30 now and still only interested in the pioneering, MS type. It's not hard to pity people who you know have no hope.
• 

  SnakesInTheTower

  this is an interesting thread. To answer the question: very difficult to follow that crap. You would have thought that being an elder/pioneer (and a few other privileges that would narrow down my identity too much) would have made me quite marketable among the JWdub sisters. NOT. Apparently I am too old for the young sisters and too young for the rest. I am not ugly, but nor am I the stud that so many of these young sisters want. They all get married by age 20 and not many left in the 25-45 age range. I take good care of myself, am not overweight, have good health. Yet I have only dated once and that was a long distance relationship. We were supposed to get married this year, but she decided NOT to marry anyone after all. She blamed it on her previous bad marriage, but I think her family interfered. This was all before I was deleted as an elder. I am sure she would breathe a sigh of relief if she knew I was deleted as an elder (although she said she would have married me even if I was not an elder.... guess not)

  The only sisters to express interest recently was a very obese sister with 2 kids who wanted to "Take care of me" (I later served on her JC because she confessed to "pornea" with a worldy guy...she apparently had a nasty wild side to her) and a pscyho sister (literally, she was in the mental hospital and I visted her as an elder to shepherd because that was the right thing to do...later served on her JC because she did some rather nasty things while there with a fellow patient). Psycho Sister got rather "attached" emotionally after that to me since I had "helped" her. I think she finally got the hint when I refuse to take her calls and me begging common friends to talk sense into her (I left her congo to get the hell away from her). How do I attract these poor souls anyway? All because I tried to help as an elder is supposed to.

  Now, I am kind of stuck between a rock and wall (or whatever the hell that saying is). I would feel bad pursuing a JWdub sister because my heart is not in the religion anymore. Yet, I would like to date and/or have a relationship with a nice woman and/or get married. I hit 40 and feel better than I was at 30. But because I grew up in this F$#K*@G repressed religion, I probably have the social skills of a slug. I never learned how to properly pursue a woman, how to go out on a proper date, etc. Of course, I have not had the opportunity to pursue "worldly" girls yet. I think I lost opportunities of a couple really nice gals when I was in high school and when i was in my early 20s, but turned my back because they werent dubs. CRAP. Probably turned my back on my soul mate.

  So, that "marry only in the lord"....BULL$H#T. Any advise to someone fading trying to find love?

  SnakesInTheTower (of the Lazy Sheep Class)
• 

  Sarah Smiles

  OK, I was engaged to this JW guy when I was 15 or 16 years old and he was 26 years old. I studied so that I could get baptized to get married in the Kingdom Hall.

  We both got baptized together! ekks! and I remember when they had asked two questions at the assembly,and I just looked around like what the hack am I doing! getting baptized. It was like everyone planned my life for me at age 16. Why? so I could do the right thing for Jehovah and get married at the Kingdom Hall. We had to be evenly yoked together, and you must marry only in the Lord!

  Becoming evenly yoked is fine when both parties are old enough to do so, and mature enough to understand the respect toward God. A lot of religions want to have members marry in the Lord.

  Anyhow, I broke off the engagement because he was trying to touch me and I did not like it. I mean forcing my hand down his pants while my mother was in the next room,not romantic! He also tried to tell me to be quiet during the meetings like he was trying to control me.

  At 17, I married someone else, and an elder prevented us from marrying at the kingdom with out any reason.

  I mean it was hurtful to see someone who did get married in the kingdom who was not baptized to a baptized, and another couple who was pregnant and had to get married.

  It sounds all so crazy! I view both these men as sex offenders! Although the guy with the control issues he has grown children now,never the less, a 26 year old man should never want to be around a 15 or16 year old girl.

  In the 70s if a girl did not get married before she turned 18,rumor was, she would probably never get married!

  Too bad so many of us girls married unworthy men.
• 

  RollerDave

  OMG!

  This bunk!

  I had almost forgotten the joy!

  As a youth, I saw plenty of sweet little things 'in the lord' who turned up their pretty lil noses at me and my potential in the troof. As a socially stunted dub, my prospects outside the troof weren't exactly stellar either. I finally wound up with the first worldly gal willing to give me any and brought her into bondage to the WTS.

  I knew a fellow, we'll call him 'Bubba' who lived with his mother. When girls would call, especially worldly girls, she would screech 'Bubba isn't allowed to talk to girls!' into the phone. She used to warn all the congregation girls off because he was 'no good.'

  Eventually an older sister took an interest, she was coming 'round with pies and cookies and such, but being a clueless dub, he totally missed the intent. He's like 'hey, free pie, sweet!'

  Finally his mom clued him in and he just about gave back every bite. It was almost like his mom was going to 'give' him to this lady.

  He eventually wound up with the first gal willing to give him any cuz he knocked her up almost first try.

  Ironically, she left me for him.

  no, seriously.

  My own sister, we'll call her 'self-rightious little bitch' or SRLB for short spent some time engaged to one of the few prospects that there were, but got into some trouble doing stuff they shouldn't and that went south.

  So she figured, 'hey, why don't I try north?' and imported a canuck.

  I think she's got regrets, he's kinda dull and easily lead. She doesnt give him a very long leash.

  I think it's pretty sick that the factor that makes one 'marriagable' in the troof is hoe 'theocratic' they are, and that has little to do with what kind of mate they will be. It has more to do with them likely staying in for the long haul. It doesnt matter if you're miserable with your mate so long as you both stay in.

  Bleh, a pox on them.

  Roller