You Must Marry Only In The Lord!

by The wanderer 40 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  bluebell

  Well I remember when I was 15 this guy who was 24 was after me. I thought he was just a nice guy, I kinda used him as a replacement for my bor who I was really close too and had just da'd himself and been kicked out. Anyhow, the WHOLE cong is discussing me and this guy and I just don't have a clue.

  When I finally realised what was going on I freaked out big time and got absolutely no emotional support from my parents. They thought it was completely ok for a 24yr guy to be going out with a 15yr girl. I regret how I responded to the guy, he was genuinely nice and never ever treated me as anything but a friend, and was willing to wait until I was alot older. The whole cong thought I'd led him on, but I was just missing my brother, due to my father molesting me I just wasn't interested in guys in that way.

  A few years down the line, I'd come clean about being molested, was very depressed and therefore obviously labelled bad association. I decided to make one last ditch attempt at being happy - figuring I just wasn't doing enough. Did loads of study and prayer and aux pioneered and applied for Bethel too. And was still seen as bad association. A bro I knew as a friend was warned off being a friend by an elder in his cong "due to what happened between her and her father has probably affected her spirituality" wtf? This guy was going out with one of my friends and i dont go around telling every tom dick and harry what went on in my past! I thought my father was in the wrong, not me and what ever happened to confidentiality?

  So whichever cong I'd have gone to, this would have just followed me around. I'm glad I realised what was going on. My father protected and me labelled bad. I left.
• 

  The wanderer

  Dear Friends:
  
  Thank you all for such great commentary!
  
  I does my heart good too see that I was
  not the only one to have witnessed these
  things.
  
  To Mr. Born-Again:
  
  "I don't know why but growing up in "Da Troof" I never even considered being with a JW. They were sisters...right??? Something inside of me just didn't feel right viewing a JW as a mate. Kinda crazy...I'd rather have a decent worldy girl"
  
  That comment was money!
  
  Respectfully,
  
  The Wanderer
• 

  WTWizard

  The rules for marriage are some of the biggest crocks of s*** on the planet. You are supposed to be attracted to people because they are a pioneer; because they are hounders or hounder-bound; because they are Bethelites...physical and emotional traits are not supposed to matter. So you end up with a fat, sickly 80-year old paired off with another fat, sickly 80-year old because they both pioneer. So what. I think most of those marriages end up becoming loveless, and the people are trapped in them.

  I remember that Craptower of 11/1/1989. I wish Blondie would have been conducting those study articles. The first was that you are NOT to commit fornication. The second is that you are to marry ONLY in the "Lord", and then you had to wait some time after baptism (presumably so someone else could take the prospective mate out from under your feet). I would have liked nothing more than to give Blondie the mics for those Craptower studies and let her make all the comments between both of those. Obviously, they didn't want people to run off and do fornication because they cannot marry outside their little group.

  And yes, that issue is featured on www.sixscreensofthewatchtower.com Screen 5. There are subliminal images within that magazine. It might be worth the trip to that web site to find out what. Obviously, the enforced lifelong celibacyadvice on marriage from this Craptower issue is not worth following.
• 

  jgnat

  Mr. Born Again: I never even considered being with a JW. They were sisters...right???

  Funny, you reminded me that the weird dynamics in my old church affected the second generation too. Our children, of course, spent a lot of time with each other. They went to all the meetings together, school together, youth socials together, and vacations together. They were so close, they were more like siblings than potential mates. Very few of them chose each other to marry.

  I think it was this very same sibling dynamic, that made them unsuitable as marriage partners.

  I bet that aversion to marry one's sister runs very deep in our genes. Genetic diversity over all.
• 

  zack

  They want you to stay in the ORG. They don't care about your happiness. This is the same reason they don't want their young going to college.

  And then when they marry "only in the Lord" and end up miserable because of their uninformed choice (how wise a choice can a teenager make?) they

  then tell them that Jehovah wants you to stay married. He NEVER promised happiness in this world! How dare you try to be happy! Stay with your abusive, lazy,

  braindead, WTS parasite cause that'll make God's heart glad.

  These people are evil man. EVIL.
• 

  Blueblades

  Wanderer, when someone married an unbeliever they were looked upon as spiritually weak. Brothers were looked upon as poor examples to the flock and would not get any priviledges. If it was a sister, she would not be allowed to pioneer. Yet, it was not a Disfellowshipping offense. When the unbeliever became a believer, pat on the back all the way around! Still the stigma of what they did stayed with them. This is what happened in my congregation in two situations. One of the unbelievers became a sister and was allowed to full time pioneer! The other situation was another unbeliever who became a sister and allowed to full time pioneer. The first one became married to a local brother, the second one married a Bethelite, of cause he had to leave bethel before they got married. Later, they moved to a Russian congregation and became full time pioneers!

  This thing about the worldy person being label an unbeliever because they were not JW's, is unscriptural. Believers in The Lord come from all kinds of Christian Religions and many have a love for The Lord and have had personal experiences with The Lord.

  Blueblades
• 

  BluesBrother

  I am always surprised at comments from the USA to the effect that young couples have been pushed toward marriage at an ealy age . Around here it has always been that you should be "past the bloom of youth" before taking it on . I know one elder who lost his position because he allowed his 16 year old daughter to have a steady boyfriend with long term future marriage in view.

  As far as "Only in the Lord" it should be noted that it is a "marking offence"

  In summary, then: The congregation elders take the lead in offering help and counsel if someone is walking disorderly. If he does not see the error of his way but continues to be an unwholesome influence, the elders may warn the congregation by means of a talk that makes clear the Biblical view—be it of dating unbelievers, or whatever the improper course is. (1 Corinthians 7:39; 2 Corinthians 6:14) Christians in the congregation who are thus alerted can individually decide to limit any socializing with ones who clearly are pursuing a disorderly course but who are still brothers.

  WT 1999 15th July
• 

  Mum

  Blueblades makes a good point about the meaning of "only in the Lord." I once worked with a woman who belonged to the Worldwide Church of God. She and another co-worker were interested in each other. She told me she was concerned about being "unequally yoked with an unbeliever." I told her he was Roman Catholic, NOT an unbeliever. "In the Lord" does not mean "in the cult."

  This is another example of Watchtower legalism versus principle. If one has strong values, he or she will not be able to maintain a long-term relationship with someone who does not share those values. There is no need to admonish people who know what they stand for.

  Now that I have become a free person, I am focused on becoming the person I was meant to be. When one does that, the right person will come along, if there is a right person. This focus also takes away the desperation I see with people who think attachment is the meaning of life. Desperation repels. Sisters, wake up! Indifference is the most potent aphrodisiac. Concentrate on what your interests are. There is more to life that being "completed" by someone else.

  Regards,

  SandraC
• 

  Frequent_Fader_Miles

  Just my 2 cents, but I always believed that the JWs took that verse of scripture out of context. In my opinion, it only applied to the widow.

  I never liked the idea of running after "brothers"; just too undignified for me thanks. I married a "worldly" man, and I'm quite happy I did.
• 

  delilah

  I remember an elder telling me once, that marrying a "worldly" person was going against Jehovah, and even if the unbelieving mate became a believer, Jehovah would still call it to mind on the day of judgement.

  I always thought it a crock, and I never had the desire to marry "in the lord". I married my wonderful, "worldly" husband, and have never been happier.