Why do people hide on this site?

by Adolfius 45 Replies latest jw friends

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  Adolfius

  Something I've noticed when reading the various threads on this site, is that so many people seem to be afraid. Their scared of being disfellowshipped, scared of being shunned, scared of not being accepted by the congregation, scared that people may find out they don't believe anymore, scared if anyone was to find out they use this site. There is advice for people on how to avoid being disfellowshipped, if they may have "said too much" about their thoughts, or how to fade without being noticed.

  I don't understand this. Why not just tell people you think it's a load of crap and you're not interested anymore? Why continue to try and please people and an organisation that you know to be false?

  I know of people who have done the "fade" thing because they "want to keep the peace". They don't want the hassle of elders calling at the house, or the stigma of being disfellowshipped etc. Why not just tell them you're leaving and they're not to come to your house, and you don't care about their punishments?

  What does it matter if a made up religion gives you a made up label of DF'd........it's not real! To me it's like my little boy telling me I can't be in his gang anymore; it's just something to laugh at the childishness, and it makes no difference to my life.

  Now none of this is criticism, I'm just genuinely interested in why this sort of thing seems to effect sp many people. I was never in the borg as an adult, so haven't had the same experiences as most of you, so may not understand the full control the borg has. I'm just curious as to cuases this sort of thing.
• 

  erandir

  here's my two-cents.

  A lot of it is that the organization does manage to have control over its people. I don't know exactly how this is, but I still feel it and fight it from time to time. They have a way of turning your family against you...in my case, my wife. I know she is strong-minded and won't let them do it, but still...if she continues going to meetings, some of it will rub off on her. She's there because a lot of what is taught is better to her than any other church she knows and because a lot of the friends are really good people (albeit misguided, imo), and she doesn't want to be cut off from the enjoyable socialization that she has. If I were to DA myself or be DF'ed, they would shun both of us because they felt they had to...or at the least, just me. But her social life would still go down the tube. She's talked of committing suicide if anything like that happens. She's going through depression right now...I coincidentally am coming out of mine. (I'm convinced a lot of it had to do with being a witness.) She's 1500 miles from her family, so the only friends and "family" she has is here. And to take that away would be cruel on my part...hence the hiding. She doesn't have much in common with my family, who live close-by. And she has maybe two or three worldly friends from work that she plays tennis with or goes to lunch with once in a blue moon. She keeps her distance largely because that's what a good witness should do. I'm sure she'd do fine if she decided to leave the witnesses, but she doesn't see it yet.

  In summary, it's so complicated. Whether the society makes it that way to keep its subjects in line or not, I cannot tell you because I don't really know. But for a non-confrontational person like myself who has a socialite spouse who still believes and doesn't want to go from dozens of friends down to 2 overnight and who isn't ready to question her beliefs...hiding is a good option. It's temporary until we can grow some balls and learn how to deal with it all, I know, but it's good enough for now. It would be inconsiderate on my part to make a decision that would negatively affect the happiness of another person, especially my wife.

  Another reason I just thought of right now is that it is kind of a procrastination of the inevitable. Maybe it is also a test of the local elders...to see how bent on DF'ing they are, or if they are loving and understanding. So far, I've been left alone, and it's been a long time since I last attended anything...even after skipping the memorial this year...and the special assembly day.
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  moomanchu

  Answer:

  To be able to continue associating with your brainwashed dub family.
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  neverendingjourney

  It's actually pretty simple, if you think about it. All of my immediate family is still in the org. If I simply come out and let them know what I really believe as you suggest, they will feel compelled to report me to the elders, and I will be disfellowshipped. This means that I would lose all contact with them. I come from a tight knit family, so this would be extremely difficult for me and for them. You may not be bothered by the prospect of being cut off from your family, but I am. Believe me. It's not easy biting your tongue and keeping your true feelings to yourself, but there's no clean, consequence-free way to leave the org. It's ultimately about what's most important to you: maintaining family ties or speaking your mind. I'm not saying there is a right or wrong decision. Each of us has to make that decision on our own because we are the ones that will be affected by the results of our choice.
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  Zico

  I don't think any of the faders could care less about what the Org thinks of them. They care about what their family thinks though.
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  jgnat

  Family.
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  sass_my_frass

  ........it's not real! To me it's like my little boy telling me I can't be in his gang anymore; it's just something to laugh at the childishness, and it makes no difference to my life.

  ... but, my real-life family and old friends now no longer talk to me, and it hurts sometimes. I can imagine why a person would want to avoid that.
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  free2think

  To avoid shunning from family members.
• 

  Who are you?

  I'm not a JW, and in real life have never backed down from my JW relatives...but appreciate very much that on this forum:

  1) The anonimity of the forum allows people to express themselves in such a way that full disclosure normally discourages

  2) Everyone's circumstances are different

  3) People express themselves differently.....not everyone is outspoken or confrontational
• 

  mouthy

  If all your family are JW & you "come out" it is like waking up one day & EVERY ONE in the family is dead....Thats why folks are afraid of D/F

  The power the Cult holds over them is enormous... Just a bunch of horny old men in Brooklyn Bethel.. I think they are worse than Hitler was.