If You're Thinking About Getting Out, Be Careful Who You Confide Doubts To (page 3)

undercover

the person you're speaking to may be genuine and caring and understanding BUT that person may feel they have a moral obligation to get you some "help".

Exactly. They think they're doing you a favor. They think they're being helpful. Because they are trapped in the cultthink and don't know any better.

Pintail:

I agree with part of what you say about not allowing them to have any authority over you, but at the same time, many people are trying to maintain good relations with their JW family while they slowly fade away from the religion. I know, I'm one of them. I'll never attend a JC meeting, I'll never allow the elders any say-so in anything I do.

But I also tread lightly around my JW family and the few JW friends I have left. They tolerate my being "inactive" because I don't make any comments negative to the WTS/JWs. If I was to, they would all feel obligated to get elders involved to get me "straigtened out". The end result of that would be my DFing/DAing and the subsequesnt shunning by my family.

It's better that I keep my "apostate" thoughts to myself, stay under the radar on all things JW and enjoy what relationships I can outside of the belief system. I'll drop my hints and thoughts slyly and infrequently so as to not bring attention to myself. Hopefully something will lodge into someone's brain and be remembered later when something doesn't jive with them.

Each person's situation is different. What works for one will not work for another. Some do better to make a clean cut and DA themselves, others like the fade better. If one is working the fade, then what minimus said is right...be careful who you confide in.

drew sagan

Just wanted to add that this is the reason that I specifically make it a point not to make any discussion about 'confiding doubts'. I believe that it is to weak of an approach and opens you up to all kinds of problems.

That is why I believe in giving the JW a doctrinal problem that they must figure out. It changes the dynamics of the situation to being 'your problem' to 'everybody's problem'. I believe this at least give a little more chance for positive effects, not much but a little more.

As an example the elder I spoke with realized that what I showed him was a very important doctrinal issue that needs clarification. He has since sent a letter to the WTS and told me that he wants real answers to these questions, just not a run around.

"I just have some questions" in my opinion is the worst way to go about it.

minimus

It's nice that we're not all narrow minded. This place gives us all the ability to see what others have to go thru. Not everything in life is black or white.

minimus

Drew, you CAN'T give a JW a doctrinal problem for him to figure out. When you throw out questions or thoughts that are not 100% in accord with Witness teaching, you will be labeled negatively.

SnakesInTheTower

looking_glass:

Pin - you must not have family still in the religion, otherwise you would not tell people to piss or get off the pot. People here are trying to figure out a way to continue to have a relationship w/ family members that are still JWs and that means having to walk a fine line between being able to be yourself and being quiet about your feelings for the religion. To minimize what people go thru is generally based on a very narrow view on a subject, which always reminds me of the black and white mentality that the WTBTS teaches.

well said lg. thank you for that. I have a mom still in....and I am still in "technically" but not in my heart....

as for pintail.....you have your right to your opinion, but did you have to say it in 18pt ? ...sheesh...

SnakesInTheTower (of the Fading Sheep Class)

zarco

Good Advice.

The organization is not set up to handle sincere questions and doubts. Once you get to the point where the bible proves a WTBTS teaching is in error you get one of two responses from a JW.

1- Jehovah will clear this up in time, or
2- It is not that important to me, I serve Jehovah because ……..

With regard to trusting JWs with your doubts, it is almost always leads to some sort of a bad result. JWs are afraid of the organization, afraid to face their own fears about the false teaching, afraid of the punitive nature of the organization. This fear causes what once were rational people to act irrationally. In the absence of fear one probably could be trusted, but such fear is so pervasive that there are few left to trust in the organization.

oompa

It has been quite a while since I confided in not one but two elder and my CO about some serious questions. Bad answers follow, and more research on my part. Even after writing the Society and getting more lame non-anwers which of course they all were aware of, I hear NOTHING from these guys (thank god). I even asked the last two who tried to assist me "And you don't have a problem with these conflicting teachings?" I got a feeble "no."

Now I want to ask why he can't grow some balls and tell me what he really thinks.....oompa

sf

PIN.

I so agree.

Careful of a book publishing corporation. BOO!!!

Geez mini, you sound like the Bush Administration always keeping the people in FEAR MODE.

Get real already.

sKally

minimus

SKally, I only speak the truth.

sf

I only speak the truth.

That is an oxy, moron.

There is nothing to fear in speaking, the truth .

Thusly there is nothing to be careful about or of when "getting out".

sKally

If You're Thinking About Getting Out, Be Careful Who You Confide Doubts To

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