I would love to take my laptop and play extremely violent and sexually charged video games! I would have to tilt the screen way back so that all the people sitting behind me got to see the fun! I'll bet 90% are more interested in the games than the stupid talk!
FOR THOSE UNFORTUNATE ENOUGH TO BE GOING TO THE ASSEMBLY, HERE'S SOME TIPS:
by Mary 67 Replies latest jw friends
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mkr32208
This is all tongue in cheek please don't' DO any of this stuff and most of it is illegal!
If your going to one of the new assembly halls where the pool is concealed. Sneak backstage and dump 300 goldfish into it!
Eat beans and I mean LOTS of beans. Hell bring a huge pot and offer them to people sitting around you. With luck the whole section will be Df'ed!
Wear a beer hat/nacho hat/huge fake titty hat/cheese head hat with your suit. Act natural.
Order all your lunch items from an adult bakery.
Take a syringe of water and while wearing a pair of latex gloves spray water into the outlets causing circuits to trip. You can get a dental syringe on eBay that has a 90 degree bend and will shoot 20+ feet and can hit an outlet like it's nothing! Several assembly halls have plugs in the floors. Dump a drink onto it and click! If your lucky (like me) you helped wire the local hall and you know which outlets will also trip and knock out the sound booth!
Get a good pair of Klein scissors ($15 at home depot) and then volunteer to be an attendant the scissors are very very small and will EASILY cut a solid #10 wire so #16 or #14 speaker wire? Forget about it! You can easily walk around and cut at least 75% of the wires before the sound check. Hell cut them in several places! OOOPS!
Wrap matches around a cigarette and secure them about halfway down with a rubber band. Lite the cigarette and drop it into the contribution box. Five minutes later, yeah ummm THAT box aint yielding any money!? (plus the fire alarm goes off!)
Bring in a large cooler with nothing in it but a tank of helium open the valve and enjoy some whippits with your brothers!
Sorry but I've got a hard time playing nice with this cult...
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watson
Heck, Mary, you and Brenda Lee ought to get together. You'd make quite the comedy team!!
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flipper
Oh you guys are so good! I'd read the whole thing again if I did'nt have to run and pee after the first read. flipper
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WTWizard
I think of what would happen if someone stuffed one of those boxes totally with Zero Dollar Bills printed off of Danny Haszard's Watchtower Money. Bear in mind that you will need to print several reams of Zero Dollar Bills for this to work since each box is about 55 gallons. But, if the box is full of Zeros, there won't be any real money getting put in that box and people will think there is plenty of money being donated. Hey, it will cost you money for paper and printer ink. But I would rather spend the money on ink and paper than donate it to support those pedophiles.
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MidwichCuckoo
Lol - you've all made it very tempting to actually GO to an Assembly. I think I may one day - - but just for the sheer 'theme park like' enjoyment 9and to 'spread' a little info
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fullofdoubtnow
So funny Mary, thanks
I like the laser pointer idea as well
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eclipse
If your going to one of the new assembly halls where the pool is concealed. Sneak backstage and dump 300 goldfish into it!
Eat beans and I mean LOTS of beans. Hell bring a huge pot and offer them to people sitting around you. With luck the whole section will be Df'ed!
Wear a beer hat/nacho hat/huge fake titty hat/cheese head hat with your suit. Act natural.
OMFG LMFAO! I am still laughing!!! That was a riot and a half, mkr!
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delilah
LMAO.......Mary, as per usual, you never cease to make us laugh. I canna wait til you get back from the ASS-embly with your report.....sorry I can't go with you and BumbleBee..I'll be at the park swimming and enjoying some Tequila shooters and beer.....
Have fun.....
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Mary
sorry I can't go with you and BumbleBee..I'll be at the park swimming and enjoying some Tequila shooters and beer.....
Well Dee, unlike you, I'm a spiritually strong sister and will always put Jehover's Organization first ahead of worldly pleasures like you do. Um.....what time will you be drinking your Tequila and will you be saving me some? God knows I'm gonna need after getting out of that shithole.