FOR THOSE UNFORTUNATE ENOUGH TO BE GOING TO THE ASSEMBLY, HERE'S SOME TIPS:

by Mary 67 Replies latest jw friends

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  Bumble Bee

  Bumblebee said: Hey - you're going one day right? I'm game if you are!! lol

  You wanna shoot the peas or cross your legs?

  Well, I think it's only fair that we take turns!

  sorry I can't go with you and BumbleBee..I'll be at the park swimming and enjoying some Tequila shooters and beer.....

  Well Dee, unlike you, I'm a spiritually strong sister and will always put Jehover's Organization first ahead of worldly pleasures like you do. Um.....what time will you be drinking your Tequila and will you be saving me some? God knows I'm gonna need after getting out of that shithole.

  LMAO @ Mary~ "spiritually strong sister" ! You are full of "spirits", the distilled kind! lol Dee, save some of that for me too!!!

  BB
• 

  bernadette

  wow what fun - almost wish i was going now - but it would have to be in disguise - us faders could get together pretend to be very worldly visitors - we could sit in your row Mary and innocently offer you and your family our . What a picinic
• 

  ButtLight

  How the heck did I get dragged into this? LMFAO.......ok, besides the fact that my arse is lit up. I could unscrew the lightbulb, and insert a lazer pointer!

  Actually, I will pass, and join Deliliah...............
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  brinjen

  My earliest assembly in memory, we had to evacuate the building after the brothers received a bomb scare. We had to wait on the lawn out front while the bomb squad searched the building. Of course, they found nothing. If it gets too boring, and you're really desperate.... (jokes, jokes, just jokes)
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  juni

  Mary you are a riot!!

  I believe you've got all the bases covered girl....

  You suggested -

  If there's any small kids sitting in front of you, (99.9% chance of this) start making faces at them till they start laughing. Their mothers will probably give them a smack and drag them to the bathroom for another one

  My 2 teen sons would do this and mom/dad would give their kids dirty looks. I'd tell the boys to cut it out cause I didn't want to see the little ones getting punished.

  So this unfortunately does happen.
• 

  brinjen

  5. The afternoon sessions arrive and you're bored out of your mind. You keep hoping the drama will hold your interest, but the acting is so bad, it makes Paris Hilton almost look worthy enough for an Oscar. Bring a straw to your seat along with some frozen peas. You'll have to be sitting close enough to the stage for this one, but start shooting peas through the straws at all the actors in the drama. Watch them lose their cool as they try to continue on as though nothing's happened. Giggle when the taped voices don't match their actions and point it out to the person sitting next to you. Repeat this once they're thru and the main speaker is back on stage telling you what a fine example you just saw! Aim for his head. If he's wearing glasses, he'll wonder what the hell's going on and will probably lose his train of thought and start repeating himself. Start laughing out loud the minute he does. If caught, you will be disfellowshipped on the spot, but take comfort in knowing that you made 20,000 people laugh their asses off.

  OMG still LMFAO! It's gonna be a challenge to keep a straight face at work tomorrow....
• 

  The wanderer

  Dear Mary:
  
  This thread is murder, murder I tell you. I still find
  myself laughing about it a day later.
  
  Mary, you have a funny sense of humor that I enjoy.
  Your past Photoshop funnies to this little parody
  skit is too much.
  
  It comes across as if to say "Ladies, if you really
  don't like your husband, shoot him, no one will
  really care and no one will really notice."
  
  The best always.
  
  Respectfully,
  
  The Wanderer
• 

  OUTLAW

  Mary..That is Friggin Hilarious!!..You get the coveted "OUTLAW Humour Award!"..LOL!!...OUTLAW
• 

  BizzyBee

  Excellent tips, Mary!

  And how about for the truly bored-into-a-coma crowd, those eyeglasses with wide-open eyeballs painted on the outside? Snooze in peace and yet appear fully wide awake, even manic.

  Speaking of manic, how about jumping out of your seat and start shaking and screaming, "I feel it! Oh Lord God Jeehoba, I've got the Holy Spirit! Can I get a witness? Let me come down to the microphone and testify! Holy Jumped-up Jehosphat!" (Or whatever holy-rollers say...........)
• 

  Mary

  Wanderer said: It comes across as if to say "Ladies, if you really don't like your husband, shoot him, no one will really care and no one will really notice."

  But to be fair, it works both ways.

  Mary..That is Friggin Hilarious!!..You get the coveted "OUTLAW Humour Award!"..LOL!!...OUTLAW

  Oooooooh you like me!! You really like me!!!!

  BusyBee said: how about jumping out of your seat and start shaking and screaming, "I feel it! Oh Lord God Jeehoba, I've got the Holy Spirit! Can I get a witness? Let me come down to the microphone and testify! Holy Jumped-up Jehosphat!"

  Yep.....that would work, but I've gotta correct your spelling dear. It should be: "Ah FEEEEEEEEEL it! Ooooooh Lord God Jeehoba!!!! Ah've got the Holy SPEEEEEEEER-UT!!!!!! Can I get an AMEN!? Can Ah get an AAAAAAAA-MMMEEEENNN!!!!! Let me come down to the microphone and TES-TI-FYYYYYYY! Praise Ja-EEEEEE-SUS!!!!!"