I wonder if she's going to stop going to movies because she might see a really good one and then it will end. Or eating a really great steak because when she takes the last bite she might never get another one that good. Maybe she won't ever again go to visit a beautiful scenic area because someday somebody might build a freeway through it...
Divorces...isn't that a "conditional" love?
by FreedomFrog 41 Replies latest jw friends
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John Doe
I basically could be this perfect little housewife and still get no love just because they change their likes/dislikes...
Depends on how much risk you're willing to take and what you base your love on. No one stays the same. Major likes and dislikes aren't likely to change, and neither are major personality characteristics. Making sure your relationship is based on something that is not likely to change, then, is paramount to its success.
Many marriages last permanently--many do not. I propose that the ones that last are not, however, based on unconditional love. They are based on compatible personalities that grow and change together, serving as mutual benefit for all involved. Part of this is chance.
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John Doe
I think now would be a good time to listen to Garth Brook's "The Dance."
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Odrade
Besides, do you WANT to be a "perfect little housewife?" Because it kind of sounds like you don't, and if you think that's what men want, well, some do, but neither of you will be happy if you fake it.
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FreedomFrog
I wonder if she's going to stop going to movies because she might see a really good one and then it will end. Or eating a really great steak because when she takes the last bite she might never get another one that good. Maybe she won't ever again go to visit a beautiful scenic area because someday somebody might build a freeway through it...
If it hurts me that much...then yes.
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Illyrian
FF, I think there is a lot to be said about conditional love, and I share your sentiment about the marriage. In my view it has contractual connotation combined with non-disclosure agreement. Hence, any "love" that exist in many marriages resemble mutual comfort rather than love. Once the comfort has gone love has gone as well. Which makes you wonder if it ever existed in the first place. Interestingly enough, marriages now resemble more ad more business agreements in its entirety from prenuptial agreement to legal union termination.
Hence, "conditional" love is indeed conditional i.e. it lasts as long as interests are upheld. I can't imagine myself ever putting through similar thing again. There can possibly be a few happy marriages around but they are rarity and usually you hear that those are soulmates who recognize each others inner vibrations even when no words are spoken. Considering how many people really care about internal feelings of another human being I'd say we shell see less and less of happy marriages and more and more of business contracts. -
FreedomFrog
Considering how many people really care about internal feelings of another human being I'd say we shell see less and less of happy marriages and more and more of business contracts.
I'm seeing how true that is. Because of marriages being less and less happy...I so hope my kids learn from all of this and don't get themselves involved.
You really can't trust anyone but yourself. That is one lesson I've learn in life. I hope I can teach my kids that.
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Finally-Free
My bird loves me in spite of the fact that I'm 49, fat, ugly, unshaven, and smell bad. Is his love unconditional? No. If I started mistreating him I'd lose his love quickly enough.
I don't think "unconditional love" exists.
W
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John Doe
You really can't trust anyone but yourself. That is one lesson I've learn in life.
I don't think that's a good way to live life. I've felt like that more than once, but I was usually unhappy when I felt that way, and not trusting anyone did not help. Have you ever read Gimpel the Fool? It's interesting.
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Odrade
That's a sad thing to teach a kid. I'd rather teach kids to trust but keep your eyes open and use commonsense. Being raised with a healthy view of love and marriage has a tremendous influence on the success of a kid's future relationships and marriage. Being raised to view marriage as just another way to get screwed (not the fun way) and hurt, is a pretty good way to insure that the kids will have a hard time creating good relationships.