Hey emilyblue...So, what are ya gonna DO about it?
Hello.
by emilyblue 61 Replies latest social relationships
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Odrade
Emily, the emotional you is being a real idiot. Start using some commonsense. You are involved with an abuser. AN ABUSER! YOUR BOYFRIEND IS AN ABUSER. Say to yourself: I AM DATING AN ABUSER. I AM GIVING ANOTHER PERSON PERMISSION TO ABUSE ME.
Does that seem reasonable? So now what do you need to do about it? If you had a girlfriend who was dating a guy like your guy, what would you tell her?
This has absolutely nothing to do with the Jehovah's Witnesses. It wouldn't matter what religion (or no religion) this guy is, HE IS AN ABUSER. He will be an abuser with the JWs, he will be an abuser without the JWs. YOU CANNOT CHANGE HIM.
Now tell yourself: I AM NOT GOING TO ALLOW ANOTHER PERSON TO ABUSE ME.
Good. Now what else are you going to do about this to take care of yourself?
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cognizant dissident
Where do I start?
First of all, what is wrong with poo jokes? This guy is one uptight ass!
Secondly, he invited you to dinner and then made you feel guilty about how much your food and drink cost? If any other person ever did this to you, you would probably never go out with them ever again! At least I hope you wouldn't!
Third, he guesses it will be alright if he stays with you as long as you agree to obey his long list of do's and don'ts for the rest of your life! Some deal for you.
You feel "honored" that he invited you to the assembly? The witnesses spend their entire lives trying to find gullible, controllable people to come to their assemblies. They live for that! They all practically beg people to come. And then when they get there they tell them why they are not really good enough to belong to the JW's. Where do you think your boyfriend learned this behaviour from?
Lastly, I don't even think it is so much a JW thing. Even by JW standards (which are pretty low due to a shortage of men) this guy is a LOSER! Do you know how many young, gorgeous, devout, JW girls there are just dying to get married? Even none of them want him! This guy cannot take responsibility and get control over his own screwed up marriages and finances and religious wishy-washyness. So, he is going to do the next best thing. Get control over you. Then he won't have to look at himself. Everything will always be your fault! This situation is never going to end. Unless you end it. Why would he end it? He's gets his way in everything and what do you get?
I challenge you to name ONE thing or part of his personality that you LOVE. Be specific. Even write it down. After you stare at the blank page for a few hours, pack your bags and RUN!!!
If you are still with this guy after all the clear messages you have got from EVERYONE, then I think you should seriously consider counseling, and I don't mean relationship counseling. I mean personal counseling. To try to find out what it is about yourself that attracts you to emotionally abusive people like him in spite of every one's well-meaning advice to the contrary.
Let us know what you eventually do.
Cog
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SPAZnik
You love him???? Really?????
Well, since this seems to be nothing more than an emotion purging thread, I think I'll follow suit.
Nothing irritates me more than when whiny-assed "woe is me I'm such a victim of love" friends of mine go on and on and on and on FOR YEARS ON END about how terrible their relationship is, how disrespected and abused they are and then top it off with a PATHETIC snivelling "oh, but I loooove him!"
*me rolling my eyes*
SO WHAT if you love him??????? So what!!!!???
What does love have to do with anything?
DO SOMETHING about the situation that is making you miserable (and us by extension). Unless of course you have zero self-control or self-respect with which to READ AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT your own emotions. What are you? Some pathetic junkie to your emotions to the exclusion of all good sense? What is everyone else to you? Just a place to dump your emotional overdoses on?
DO something. ANYTHING.
Love him and leave him if you must.
Stay and bitch and moan if you must.
Marry him. I DON'T CARE. NOT MY PROBLEM.
Whatever.
It's YOUR call.
It's your life.
It's YOUR unborn children that would inevitably be subjected to the state of YOUR relationship with this person.
It's your time, money and vitality.
Just don't expect ME to waste much more of MY life energy supporting you through what you paint over and over as a shit relationship you are clearly unwilling to make hard decisions about and take action about.
What are YOU going to DO about it? Don't ask US, ask YOURSELF!
What decisions do YOU have to make? Make those!
What supporting action do YOU have to take? Do that!!!
I can tell you what I'D like to see. Regardless of whether you choose to stay or go, I'd like to see you grow up and take a little PERSONAL ACCOUNTABILITY for your own choices and the results of your actions and by that I don't mean whether you said the word "poo" to some 24 yr old slobbering drunk superior, which relationship your guy has explicitly stated he values more than the one he has with you. (Just as he's made it clear he values the one with the witnesses more than the one with you.) By accountability I mean for what really matters, like why you are choosing to really do nothing about a second-rate relationship that time and again leaves you wasting MY time and energy listening to YOUR sob story that NEVER CHANGES.
Buck up, Princess. You'll never be Queen if you can't make a real decision and follow it up with appropriate action.
Honestly, your story is getting boringly repetitive and predictable: You will date him status quo for a while. Then you two will have a fight over something ridiculous. Then you will puke all over us. We will all give you our best advice in earnest. You will then go back to him and enjoy the status quo for a while. Then you two will have a fight over something ridiculous....
Let me know if anything changes.
And if there is something more specific you are looking for from me, other than a place to purge when you overdose on your ADDICTION to unhappy emotions, every time I encounter the you that this relationship is unfortunately making you into, by all means, let me know.
Til then, having said all this, I'm going to take personal accountability for my own emotions and leave you to it. :)
I wish you all the best in making some good decisions you can live with and creating some happiness in your life so you can even get to a point of being able to contribute to those other than the one feeding your emotional rollercoaster. You seem to be behaving like an addict, an emotional junkie. If you weren't, you would be able to hand your emotions like a big girl, and serious life decisions and subsequent action would come much easier. -
SPAZnik
Artist(Band): Tracy Chapman
CHANGE
If you knew that you would die today,
Saw the face of God and love,
Would you change?
Would you change?
If you knew that love can break your heart
When you're down so low you cannot fall
Would you change?
Would you change?
How bad, how good does it need to get?
How many losses? How much regret?
What chain reaction would cause an effect?
Makes you turn around,
Makes you try to explain,
Makes you forgive and forget,
Makes you change?
Makes you change?
If you knew that you would be alone,
Knowing right, being wrong,
Would you change?
Would you change?
If you knew that you would find a truth
That brings up pain that can't be soothed
Would you change?
Would you change?
How bad, how good does it need to get?
How many losses? How much regret?
What chain reaction would cause an effect?
Makes you turn around,
Makes you try to explain,
Makes you forgive and forget,
Makes you change?
Makes you change?
Are you so upright you can't be bent?
If it comes to blows are you so sure you won't be crawling?
If not for the good, why risk falling?
Why risk falling?
If everything you think you know,
Makes your life unbearable,
Would you change?
Would you change?
If you'd broken every rule and vow,
And hard times come to bring you down,
Would you change?
Would you change?
If you knew that you would die today,
If you saw the face of God and love,
Would you change?
Would you change?
Would you change?
Would you change?
If you saw the face of God and love
If you saw the face of God and love
Would you change?
Would you change? -
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SPAZnik
A good movie that might provide some additional food for thought is
"Black Snake Moan" -
SPAZnik
Ciao for now. Best of luck to you with YOUR life.
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Honesty
Shoot the loser down in flames.
You'll meet someone who will accept you for who you are and will not try to control or change you and I've got my bets on that it will never be a JW.
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TheListener
Emily,
I'm no psychologist but you appear to be a classic case of co-dependency. Read a book called co-dependent no more. It may give you the courge and knowledge to do the right thing.
PM me if you'd like to talk more.