I had no idea there were people who felt like me

by Orgull 45 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • Orgull
    Orgull

    I've recently begun challenging my beliefs. All my beliefs, including those ingrained in me as one raised "in the truth".

    A few years ago I sought therapy for chronic depression and my treatment was remarkably successful. As a side effect, things that used to "work" for me no longer fit with the new emotional pathways and strengths I was developing. Included in this was my need to be one of Jehovah's Witnesses. I liked being controlled, I liked believing what I was told because it was easy, because I was weak. I needed to feel abused and humiliated and my religion did those things for me quite well. Now that I'm getting mentally healthy, I find myself reacting to meeting parts or articles (or even that astonishing part on the friday of the convention about obeying the FDS) in ways I didn't expect.

    Now these ideas I'm being taught make me stop and say, "WTF?"

    So I decided to re-examine my beliefs and rebuild my faith from scratch. The more I read the bible and the more I studied, the more questions I had. 587 vs. 607 was one of them (I have read several waonderful threads on this subject here, thank you all!). Another problem I have is the clear distinction between what the bible actually says, what the FDS write and what actually happens in real life within the organization. It's supposed to be an organization of love, but the deeper I look, it seems to be based on fear.

    My whole belief structure is falling apart, and strangely I feel fine.

    Then I found this forum and was STUNNED to discover that I'm not alone. I can't believe how many people here feel the same way I do about so many things!

    I am in shock, yet I feel really good. So many like-minded people? And the horrible thing is, I am daring to post. I wonder how many people out there "in the truth" feel the same way but would never dare to post or even visit a place like this.

    I just wanted to say thank you and it's great knowing I'm not alone.

  • free2think
    free2think

    Welcome Orgull.

    Yep we have quite a community here that feel just like you.

  • journey-on
    journey-on

    Let me one of the first to welcome you. The feeling is amazing isn't it. It's like walking out of a dark gloomy cave into the sunlight. Welcome aboard. Looking forward to more of your posts..................journey-on

  • ThomasCovenant
    ThomasCovenant

    Hi

    Yep I felt the same. It's great isn't it.Welcome

    Thomas Covenant

  • AWAKE&WATCHING
    AWAKE&WATCHING

    I KNOW ! Amazing isn't it ?

    Welcome Home.

  • BizzyBee
    BizzyBee

    Orgull:

    Welcome, friend! Excellent first post!

    BB

  • sweet pea
    sweet pea

    Welcome Orgull.

    You are sooooo not alone! You will experience many emotions and may well need to get some more therapy although JWD can be amazing therapy in itself and you will find great support, love and unconditional acceptance here. You will also have a lot of fun - these apostates aren't all they are made out to be - they are so much more!

    Do you have some good friends who are not witnesses? Do you many family who are witnesses?

    We all look forward to hearing more from you.

  • daystar
    daystar

    It is quite amazing, isn't it? I just assumed the problems were isolated to my congregation, or to certain, especially imperfect elders, etc.

    But, no. The behavior, the corruption is worldwide! System-wide!

  • Orgull
    Orgull

    I should point out... I haven't left the organization. I'm still learning and I've gotten into a routine that (because of my family) I don't want to alter just yet.

    Irony of ironies, I've had perfect meeting attendance for the last 5 1/2 years. I used to be a pioneer. And I'm still going to the meeting tomorrow night because I'm not ready to give up my friends.

    But it still feels good to be here too.

  • TheCoolerKing
    TheCoolerKing

    Welcome Orgull!!! And Congrats on your first post!!!

    I'm glad you found your way here. Many, many people on here feel as you do. I can relate to that alone feeling that you mentioned. I left The Org. almost 20 years ago. It was really tough back then, because these types of forums didn't exist. Fortunately they do now and I have finally been able to vent and discuss things that I couldn't years ago. It's an awesome feeling!

    Hope to read more of your posts in the future!

    TCK

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